To go to Texas for 10 days on my own?

[FruitCider]

Background: I have "settled" status, due my parents claiming asylum in the uk. As a result of my countries history, my family are spread across the world.

One relative lives in Texas and has invited me over in the summer as other members of my family are travelling there. I actually have 2 weeks annual leave already. I started making travel plans and realised quickly my journey from start to finish will be around 18 hours. Therefore would need to go for a minimum of 9 days to spend a week there. All I would need to pay for is flights and dinner one evening. My family are very hospitable!

DP is becoming increasingly annoyed at my plans, as we have a 4 year old child together and "he will be stuck at home". He has been invited, but does not want to go. I don't feel able to take my 4 year old child on a 18 hour journey on my own.

I REALLY want to go. It is a bit like a family reunion, but in part of the world I've never been to. I've always wanted to go to America, DP has no interest whatsoever. He thinks I'm being vvvv unreasonable for even considering it.

AIBU to go to Texas for 10 days on my own?

It's telling so many women are saying you have to take your child, but no one's first question was, 'Why the hell can't his father look after him for 10 days?' Sexism is alive and well!

My first thought was if a bloke wanted to go on holiday for the thick end of 2 weeks and leave the Mrs and child behind, MN would be helping the OP do an online divorce petition and be calculating his maint payments for his return. He would indeed be a selfish b'stard. Quite the reverse if a woman wants to do the trip - he's still selfish b'stard for having the hump about it

Going against the grain here, but go on your own. Why not? I found a 2.5 hour flight to Spain trying enough with DS last year. Your DH will be able to look after him and you can Facetime/Skype to stay in touch.

MN seems to be full of women whose husbands work away, which is fine. Why is it that a woman can't spend time away from her family? Are the husbands perceived to be so incapable?

I have travelled alone with my pair if needed to Mexico from the age of three, it is doable without too much drama. But if you don't want to do it don't. Your DP is the other parent in this situation so if your set up allows for him to be a single carer without additional drama, he should be fine. I must say I love long haul flights without kids, although they love doing them.

'My first thought was if a bloke wanted to go on holiday for the thick end of 2 weeks and leave the Mrs and child behind, MN would be helping the OP do an online divorce petition and be calculating his maint payments for his return. He would indeed be a selfish b'stard. Quite the reverse if a woman wants to do the trip - he's still selfish b'stard for having the hump about it'

Oh, hell no! She'd be told not to be controlling, to hire a cleaner and nanny to 'help', be the 'cool' wife. Given detailed advice on what she can do to facilitate this, told stories about how 'Well, I'm a single parent I don't know what you're complaining about,' 'My husband is in the Forces and never home you're lucky it's only 2 weeks' etc.

I also have UK passport and I'm not muslim , but my passport is full of stamps from Muslim countries. I have to go to Texas in May for work and I'm fully expecting an interrogation!
I see that it's the either side travel that is the problem time wise. So yes, agree, no reason for the father not to look after the child if he doesn't want to come. Otherwise would still suggest a decent stop over and hotel to break the journey if you want to take your child.

My first thought was if a bloke wanted to go on holiday for the thick end of 2 weeks and leave the Mrs and child behind, MN would be helping the OP do an online divorce petition and be calculating his maint payments for his return. He would indeed be a selfish b'stard. Quite the reverse if a woman wants to do the trip - he's still selfish b'stard for having the hump about it

DP has the option of coming. He is refusing as he's "not interested". He is also more than welcome to bugger off for 10 days if he wished to. This isn't about restrictive relationships caused by partners that don't give a shit like in your scenario above. We have the money, he is invited, he is choosing not to go.

I wouldn't give this a second thought and I've been doing this journey for 15 years, I'd jump at the chance to go alone.

eye I get 2 weeks more leave than him a year, at least. I get 262.5 hours, he gets 4 weeks + Christmas + BHs. I've booked the first 2 weeks of September off as my dc starts school. He's booked the third one. We were both off last week. He's got 2 weeks in the summer, same time as me.

Absolutely you should go - and leave DH at home with your child, why on earth shouldn't you have a thoroughly enjoyable holiday on your own, with your relatives and DH and your child can have a nice time at home, or go away together somewhere that they would like to go.

I have been to Texas and wouldn't particularly chose to take a 4 year old with me - but you will have a great time. Enjoy !!

I'm sat here fantasizing about how it would be if I went alone. Oooo, oooo, oooo.

Take your kid with you. The whole point of going is to be with family. He is a part of that family! He may not see some of them for a long time again and they would love to meet him. And they would probably play with him and spoil him. I think it would look really weird to go to somewhere like that without ur child. Your argument about the journey is somewhat justified but just try it! Go well planned, get lots of entertainment and you'll be fine. And he'll be beyond excited! Not taking him on a holiday which he'll love just because of the journey is sort of missing the point. It's about seeing your family and having fun together!

expatinscotland I appreciate your point. I travel a lot for work, but lucky enough to live near a regional airport with good connections and only 2.5 hours to Heathrow or Birmingham if not. Funnily enough Cork is my nightmare destination as it's a 3 day round trip for a day of work due to utterly unhelpful flight times. Texas would be easier!

No, sometimes, you're really not 'fine' and the OP would know if her child was one of those who really wouldn't cope well. He's 4. There will be other chances to go.

Laying on the guilt is sexist as hell.

It's the ballache of the 10 hour flight back, Weeds and the time difference so it's the middle of the night when you land and then you have to pull an all-nighter if you've got kids with you, can't just find a friendly bench and get some kip for a few hours. I dread that journey back every year. I have all kinds of fantasies about how I could afford to take a ship back. It has never stopped sucking with the kids in tow and again, I've been doing it for 15 years.

Oh, and it takes an age to get through immigration even if you're American! For some reason, they land about 5 international flights at once at IAH/Bush/whatever the fuck, it'll always be 'Intercontinental' to me and the queues are forever. If you have a US passport, you use this self-serve kiosk. You wait forever in the queue for it, and then they make you go through another queue to get out to baggage claim. Then, another monster queue.

By that point I can almost taste that street taco platter from Mamacita's and that gallon of iced tea hitting the back of my throat on the way home from the airport. And the next day, jumping in my mom's 4x4 and heading over to the outlet mall.

Another who came on to defend your decision to have an alone holiday. Take it, have fun, and enjoy yourself. If you take DS then DH gets his own 9 days child-free. Nope, your turn this time.

If you do want to take DS with you, travelling with kids isn't that bad. especially once they are old enough to go to the toilet alone and feed themselves. Took my own DS, then 2.6 to Texas last year by myself and we survived. Tired but in one piece!

My DC will NOT be fine for that journey. To be clear, I'm either going without my child or not going at all!

My son has ASD, Fruit, so I completely understand! My daughter is 11 now so very easy to travel with, but my son? If yours is anything like mine, I'd go alone if I could. Don't blame you one bit! They don't all sit with crayons and tablets or watch films. My DD still doesn't sleep, either. I buy an extra piece of luggage to check in, too, as we buy a lot there, BUT then that's me with 4 22kgs bags on a trolley, too. We have to pay extra to make sure we sit in the bulkhead with at least one aisle seat due to DS.

Oh, he won't eat any of the food, either, none, so we have to bring enough food and snacks for the whole journey.

My DC will NOT be fine for that journey. To be clear, I'm either going without my child or not going at all!

I honestly think they wouldn't cope with the journey, and if they didn't cope I don't think I would! If they were a bit older, no problem at all. But I think I'm biting off more than I can chew travelling alone with a 4 year old

Which is it, OP? That your DC can't cope, or you don't think you can?

Do you go to Katy Mills or the one up the 290 expat or is there another nearby I haven't discovered yet?

Which is it, OP? That your DC can't cope, or you don't think you can?

That they won't cope with the journey, and I won't cope with the whinging/crying for 18 hours! Thought that was pretty clear from my comment?

It doesn't matter which one it is, if OP wants to go alone then she should. I took a week the year before last to get my head together and visited a friend in the Caymans. My DC would have LOVED it, but it would have been a very different holiday, and i needed the headspace.