To think trying to fix a fussy eating toddler is a complete waste of time and effort?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I know all the advice - present them with a wide range of different foods, don't make a fuss, pander, bargain etc. No substitutions, they either eat or don't.

Yet again this weekend has involved:

-massive tantrums over food presented
-attempts to throw food /cutlery / push plates off table
-messing around with food but not eating any of it
-trying a bite and spitting it out
-multiple meals where he has eaten nothing at all.

He eats NO vegetables whatsoever. He will only eat about half a dozen meals, mostly basically crap food.

I am fed up of trying, fed up of cooking food that ends up spat out or on the floor, fed up of keeping my cool at meal times, fed up of his shitty moods because he is hungry as he's eaten nothing at all at mealtimes.

AIBU to sack off the whole thing and feed him beans on toast and bananas every bloody meal and save a whole load of stress because I am seeing no results at all from persevering.

They say it is an evolutionary advantage to avoid trying new foods and that it can take 10 tastes to determine whether it is 'poisonous'.

With my foster children I insisted on one mouthful of a new food - and I would only put one mouthful on the plate. Yes, the said they didn't like it repeatedly but then by miracle they suddenly would decide they did like it. It also helped having family meal times at the table and also disguising things in sauces - I became a pro at pureeing veg to use as a thinkener for a sauce.

As for the tantrums - they quickly stopped as they realised there really was no option. It was what they were served or nothing (and definitely no treats before or after).

They did however get to choose what they wanted for tea - out of two options.

It was hard work trying to undo 3 years of minimal eating but we did it and they now eat anything put in front of them - except baked beans

Beans and toast and bananas sound great!

I understand that for some kids just saying take it or leave it works and that eventually they do eat. however with my son he didn't and he ended up in hospital being fed through the nose because he had lost so much weight. He just wouldn't eat what was served if he didn't want it.

we had a really unhelpful health visitor who told me to leave little bowls of food around the house for him to pick at when he wanted to and to serve meals, leave them 30 mins then clear them away. she assured me that this would all work - 100%. one week later she weighs him sees how much weight he has lost and off he goes to hospital! he was the 95 centile born and dropped to less than 2nd centile.

Believe me I read every book and tried everything to get this boy to vary his diet and eat normally. and now as an older teen he has improved marginally but has only just agreed to eat shepherds pie with the potato on top of the meat rather than in a separate quadrant of the plate.

Neither of my DC are/were fussy eaters.
But I was super-fussy, and only ate beige foods until I was about 14, and wanted to appear more sophisticated.

Until then, nothing would have persuaded me to eat the vast array of foods I hated. I remember being sat at the table pushing congealing veg around my plate, and gagging as I was compelled to take "one more bite". It made mealtimes miserable

During the Beige Food Years, I wasn't fat, or thin, nor did I get scurvy.
As an adult I have a pretty balanced diet, and even learn to like a fair few healthy foods.

My ds has a sensory disorder and autism he really struggles with food and will only eat a handful of things we were told by the consultant to basically feed him what he will eat and occasionally add something new and just put his plate down and ignore it and see what he does. It's difficult as we obviously worry they aren't getting enough veg etc but I think I'd rather he ate than not 😊. Good luck

Docs advice to my mum years ago was 'if she will only eat sandwiches, give her bloody sandwiches'........they will grow out of it.

I understand that for some kids just saying take it or leave it works and that eventually they do eat. however with my son he didn't and he ended up in hospital being fed through the nose because he had lost so much weight. He just wouldn't eat what was served if he didn't want it.

Yep.

Complete bollocks to say kids won't starve themselves. That tactic only works for people it works for. Human beings can, will and sometimes do refuse to eat even when it's going to be detrimental to their health.

Mine are 3.9 and 22 months. Younger son is a nightmare, just refuses most stuff I put in front of him without trying. Eldest was just as bad but pleased to report he is now getting a lot better.

Not ideal I know but responds well to temptation of tasty treats for pudding or certain tv programme.
As they get more verbal you can reason with them a bit more!

I wouldn't worry! It's so random!! My ds is 5. He will only eat potatoes noodles, pasta, rice , some types of bread, pork chops, chicken, broccoli and last week he started to eat tins of tuna on their own with no dressing or anything his brothers eat normal food!!

Apparently all I would eat for ages was chip shop fish and I remember I went through a phase of only eating potatoes with mint sauce. I also remember my mum and dad having to traipse round London on holiday to find somewhere that did ham sandwiches on Crusty bread. Now I eat all food like a normal human being.

Oh and my eldest is def more likely to eat if in front of tv rather than at dining table.
(Though is usually ok when out of the house)

My 3 yr old will only eat sprouts and broccoli 😕 she will happily sit and eat 15 sprouts and a whole head of broccoli at each meal time...I struggle to get her to eat anything else lol.

My 2.5 year old will not eat any fruit or veg in their 'normal' form. So I make him berry smoothies with blended berries, yogurt, banana, and a handful of spinach. He loves these and you can't taste the spinach.

I also make a potato, leek and kale soup (Jamie Oliver recipe) with a bit of cheese. He also loves this and you can't taste the kale.

I also give him multi vitamins just to help!

My DS is 11 and is still a fussy eater. I've given up now as can't cope with the drama. We have staple meals he will eat. Recently he's managed chicken fajitas much to my surprise. On holiday in AI he only eats ham, cucumber and bread.........

Oh and when I was under 10 apparently all I would eat was chicken, chips and 'anything German!' WTF?!

OP - Sorry I have only skimmed, but as the parent of a 17 and 16 y/old please just go with it. Both of mine were fussy in different ways, both of mine have great diets now, it just slowly changed. In fact, the fussiest one, DS is the 'cleanest' eater now, always makes sure he gets his 5 a day, drinks only water, will try everything, rarely eats crisps or chocolate. God, I wish someone had told me that at the time . I didn't do anything other than stop battling

YANBU
It really isn't worth the stress and upset. I tried everything with mine and could not get him past cheese, bread and bananas. It was so much effort for nothing.

You don't have to eat it. This worked for us.
Serve all food in bowls to help yourselves at mealtimes round a table. Make sure there are at least 2 things there you know he will eat even if that's the same every day. Let him help himself.
Talk about how delicious your food is and why you like it, ask him about why he likes his food and what he can taste.
Relax, enjoy yours and let him enjoy his.
If he doesn't want anymore. You don't have to eat it. And be calm.
If he wants some of the dessert even though he hasn't eaten main let him have it.
If it feels as though he will go to bed hungry make 'yourself' some toast or cereal about an hour after dinner and ask him if he wants a bite. Don't let him know you really made it for him.
Get some good vitamins. As long as he's drinking water and eating something he will be fine.
Mine went about a year on chicken nuggets chops and beans he now tucks into an array of dishes and is adding a new one about once a month. He went through this at 3/4 and is now nearly 6.
Honestly you will not be failing him if you do this. You will turn it into more of an issue with the stress associated with mealtimes that currently goes on. I'm not judging, been that person but as soon as I did the above it was a weight lifted.
We are foodies too and he's coming along nicely.
Try it. It works. Good luck x

Chops. ..not chops! 😂

FML. CHIPS! CHIPS! YOU STUPID PHONE.

I don't know if I was a fussy toddler but I was certainly fussy during all my school years. I know I would eat a HOOOOGE roast dinner once a week (whether that contained any veg, I don't know. No one to ask). We also had a stodgy dessert of some kind which generally had custard. I think I mainly ate yellow food covered with ketchup (and this was in the 60's so very sugary). I think I basically survived on shredded wheat with hot milk and loads of sugar for breakfast, and mashed potatoes with grated cheese. I think lunches were probably toast when at home or just pushed around the plate if at school as there was no provision to take in lunches and my mum worked so I couldn't go home.
I now eat most things (did have a wobble for a good few years and would eat nothing oily like salad dressing or fried food or melted cheese). I'm hoping I continue to enjoy trying new things. I think I found an inner peace about food and saw it as an issue that needed to be resolved.
Thankfully DTS are total hogs for any type of food but DT2 wouldn't eat anything that took any amount of chewing. We went through a lot of cheesy pasta with overcooked broccoli mashed and mixed into it. In hindsight any goodness in the veg had probably been boiled out but It made me feel better. I'm sure he will eventually widen his range. Your body 'tells' you it requires certain foods, I like to think. So he may only eat 1 type of fruit forever for example but at least it will be one.
Sorry for the long post.

My toddler is annoyingly fussy now even though he was fine as a baby. He will not eat pasta for example. Will eat beans on toast, sausages, dippy eggs, fish fingers and I can sort of get something like fish pie and shepherds pie down him. That's pretty much it for dinner on rotation and the be accepted it.

I will always include him in meals like curry but make a point of saying I'm not fussed if he eats or not. Sometimes he eats a tiny bit and I'm happy with that.

My advice would be to get a good multi vit down him daily and do the best you can. The foods you know he'll eat make sure he has regularly and intersperse with meals that one spoonful would be a good result. Hopefully he might start widening his acceptable foods in time.

I plan on signing my son up to school dinners in September just so he can see his peers eating all different foods and I'm hoping he might join in.

Wing I love the image of toddler carting around a massive pork chop...

OP I haven't seen whether you've said how old DS is? DD is 28 months and we've had about 14m of fussiness after a great start with BLW, eating anything, etc. From about a year old she started slowly decreasing what she would eat - it coincided with wonder weeks - she was terrible for them with sleeping etc, and when she came 'out' of it we would have a few foods that she suddenly wouldn't eat. Including bread, sausages, things that were 'guaranteed'. Spent about 6m really stressing over it but now have let it go. She sounds a bit better than your DS but similar in that she has a balanced diet from what she eats (if you count fruit as a substitute for veg!) but the choice of things she'll eat without a battle is very narrow. She won't eat tomato pasta sauce so can't hide veg in that. occasionally she'll eat frozen peas (ie still frozen).
However over the past month I'm starting to see a glimmer of hope. Whereas previously things like "if you try a bit of x, you can have y for pudding" were met with screams that never ended, now she will huff and puff but usually try x. She can have fruit after dinner regardless of what she tries or doesn't try, but (sugary) yoghurt is slightly more of a treat (she loves yoghurt and would eat only that if she could) and she has to taste something to 'earn' that. If she does really well - trying new food, or eating some of something like veg, I will offer her a biscuit, custard or a chocolate button and blather on about why she has been given it.
I have made a new rule that she has to try everything on her plate. Obviously I make sure there's at least one thing she really likes, so she never goes hungry, but she seems to accept this new rule OK.

The other thing that works well is ketchup. For a few months it was just a bribe to encourage her to eat a bit more of things she actually liked like fishfingers and potato waffles, (rather than having one bite and declaring 'binished!") but the past couple of weeks she has actually eating things like a floret of broccoli with ketchup. I figure it is better for her to have a lump of veg with ketchup than neither. But if a kid doesn't like ketchup that is not very helpful.

Oh the broccoli reminds me. Does DS go to any daycare and if so how does he eat there? DD is amazing at nursery. They say she eats virtually everything including sardines on toast FFS!! Anyway they have broccoli and carrots a lot at nursery, and she's recently asked for them at home, adn pointed them out at the shop. So I bought some and cooked them (got her to peel the carrots etc) but once they were on her plate it was like she suddenly realised that she shouldn't eat these in front of mummy! I persuaded her to try them and you could tell she didn't dislike them - no grimacing - and when I said she had to at least 'taste' them, instead of her usual little lick or nibble, a slice of carrot / floret of broccoli went in her mouth whole. So there's definitely a control thing going on there. We should eat together more but DH work doesn't really allow it. At the weekends when we do manage it, I always cook things DD loves like nuggets, she has a whale of a time and it puts the focus on how nice eating together all the same food is, rather than us both battling to get DD to eat her food. Plus I do like nuggets. And I don't like plain veg much. Why am I surprised DD doesn't...

Anyway despite all that. Yes I would just give up for a bit. offer new things but only stuff that is fairly hassle free for you. Leftovers, etc. Canned sweetcorn served cold. Assume if you go to any effort it will be rejected. He will get there eventually. Probably.

fuck that was long. Sorry I thoguht I'd deleted the middle bit!

Oh, and another thing that worked was
''You can't have that xxx, it's Daddy's''

''Can I try some?''

''Yes, but if he finds out we'l say I ate it''

(when I was small my dad's bacon was much nicer than mine)

They all grow out of it. I'm currently putting 2 things I know my DS will eat on a plate, and then 2 other foods, so atleast something will get eaten.