To think trying to fix a fussy eating toddler is a complete waste of time and effort?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I know all the advice - present them with a wide range of different foods, don't make a fuss, pander, bargain etc. No substitutions, they either eat or don't.

Yet again this weekend has involved:

-massive tantrums over food presented
-attempts to throw food /cutlery / push plates off table
-messing around with food but not eating any of it
-trying a bite and spitting it out
-multiple meals where he has eaten nothing at all.

He eats NO vegetables whatsoever. He will only eat about half a dozen meals, mostly basically crap food.

I am fed up of trying, fed up of cooking food that ends up spat out or on the floor, fed up of keeping my cool at meal times, fed up of his shitty moods because he is hungry as he's eaten nothing at all at mealtimes.

AIBU to sack off the whole thing and feed him beans on toast and bananas every bloody meal and save a whole load of stress because I am seeing no results at all from persevering.

I could have written your post just a few weeks ago. My 2 and a half year old wouldn't eat anything unfamiliar (read...not pasta) without actual screaming and tears. Just putting it in front of him caused hysterics sometimes. He also ate no vegetables unless blended in pasta sauce.

We've been slowly encouraging him to eat more. Giving him new food and trying not to make a fuss if he didn't eat it (some days more successfully than others - it's soooo infuriating). Eating as a family whenever possible (including eating dinner at 5pm every night). I'd have said it was making no difference. Except, in the last two weeks he has started eating baby corn, peas, carrots, and roast dinner, which we have been working on since before Christmas. It's like he's decided in the last few weeks that new food isn't actually terrifying after all. It might be a blip, he might just be fooling me into a false sense of security, but I'd like to think he might actually be getting a bit better.

DD was a refusenik toddler, she was very hard to wean, had ZERO interest in food, only wanted to bf.

I never wanted food to be an issue so mostly gave her what I knew she would eat no matter how repetitive it seemed. She would go through phases of eating the same things over and over and then suddenly drop them.

At one point she had a TINY variety that she would accept. It was utterly heartbreaking and exhausting and we love food in our house and I am a very competent cook.

We just battled on and kept making all the food we eat available but still giving her what she liked as well and slowly slowly slowly she improved.

She is 11 now and eat a far wider selection that I would ever have imagined looking at her 3/4/5 yrs old self. She is still 'fussy' compared to some children but she eats lots of what she likes and I find that less and less I have to do her something different to what we have.

It will get better!

If the list of foods that are being eaten is reducing, then it could be a sensory issue. If that's the case than no amount of cajoling will help, neither will only offering one meal on a take it or leave it basis. It might be worth mentioning it to a health professional. It is really difficult to tell at this stage whether there is a real issue or not. At that age my DS would play incessantly with his food, particularly bread ,before he would put it in his mouth. It turned out that he was trying to get a consistency he was happy with, but I spent hours trying to stop him doing it. When he grew older, he was able to say exactly why he couldn't eat certain foods and now he has a limited diet, but eats well within his acceptable food range.

OP I could have written your thread, right down to beans and bananas!

I feel exactly the same. I'm sure he'll grow out if it.

My friend's toddler went through a long phase where he only ate four foods - white rice, white bread, rice cakes and yogurt (all white foods for some reason). She just kept offering and eventually he'd eat some cawliflower cheese, then some chicken then bit by bit he was eating a balanced diet.

Is he underweight?

There were weeks when my kids have hardly eaten anything.

What foods will he actually eat?

Sometimes when you lost them all it's not with as bad as you thought.

I'm sure you're doing all the right things.

Just cook the healthy family meals you'd normally serve DH, DS and yourself and accept that sometimes he will eat and other times not. And don't worry about it. Don't offer alternatives. If you start serving a small repertoire of beans, bananas, toast and a couple of other items, he will really narrow his selection of food.

I was a fussy child and my mother got really wound up about it. The fussiness was harmless (60 years later I'm still here) but her getting wound up did neither of us any good.

I feel your pain :( I've found myself often in tears over meal times as I just don't know how best to deal with his refusal to eat what's put down in front of him. I know all the books say not to bribe with treats but that's all that really works for us! He'll get a yogurt after dinner if he eats all, or most of what's on the plate. If he starts slowing down I'll also say - only 5 more bites etc. I avoid giving him bread with it as he fills himself up on it & avoids the rest. We also have rewards chart which helps.

I also resort to the kids ready meals (Asda have a good selection) which have hidden veg and are low salt/sugar so I don't feel guilty about them. He for the most part quite likes them. I also break them up with pizza some nights which he loves. I agree though, there is only so much you can do to 'fix' the problem and there is no point in stressing! I also remember someone telling me 'don't focus too much about what they eat in a single day, focus on what they eat over the week' and that helped me relax a bit. Good luck!

The only going that worked for us was sitting her down on the same level for family meals (no booster chair), making a meal for us all that included at least 1 thing she liked, and basically ignoring any whining completely - DH and I would carry on conversation, praise for eating food.

I agree with YellowRoss whether the method worked or whether my kids just grew out of it I don't know but that way of thinking, that I was doing my job helped us cope with the fussiness without tantrums.

A big breakthrough for mine was letting them serve themselves. They start with an empty plate and only put on it what they would like to eat.

Also one of my only rules was you don't have to eat but you do have to sit at the table.
At 2 DC4 didn't eat dinner unless it was fish fingers for about 10 weeks. I only served them once a week, and the rest of the time served food I knew he would like at least some of. He would come and see what was at the table then refuse to sit down.but after initial tantrumming or plate throwing he realised nobody was going to force him to eat or even put food on his plate he did come and sit and chat and had a drink of milk. I could see from that experience how it would be very easy for him become a child who only ate fish fingers.
For us the focus was and still is purely on behaviour at the table rather than what is eaten.
I do make dinner an event, the kids set the table with flowers and a tea light, they choose placemats, table cloths, napkins and get drinks for everyone. We encourage good manners, asking to pass food rather than reaching over etc.
The two fussy ones are now 6 and almost 5 and mealtimes are almost always pleasant. DC4 still has odd meals where he eats nothing or very little and still has a deep love for fish fingers but I wouldn't say he was fussy anymore.

Agree with the advice above. You just have to ride it out. Sit them down at the table, put the food down and give them the opportunity to eat, take the food away afterwards. No begging, pleading, cajoling or insisting.

We also found it got easier when then could understand "If...then..." statements (about age 3 - before that they focussed on the thing they wanted and it made things worse). As in " if you eat 5 more bites/ finish your broccoli then you can have ..."

I know, I was surprised too. She had some medical issues from birth and we saw a dietitian for a while, so we were quite conscious to not force food on her (not possible anyway!) or to make it in to a punishment/reward thing. I guess after a while we felt we were just being taken for a ride, she would not eat any of her dinner but would then scoff down all sorts of crap food afterwards ... We still made sure dinner time didn't become a battle, we just made it clear that there were not going to be any snacks such as chocolate, but that if she was still hungry she could have fruit/cereal/piece of toast.

I know it's hard though, and it could well be that she was simply ready for it.

Yeah, give up, beans on toast galore and he'll eventually eat more things over time.

I was a very fussy eater, wouldnt eat any veg at all until I was well into my twenties and began growing things myself (I chuckle now at how rediculous I was) lived off fish fingers and chips growing up but im fine and healthy!! Hell get there, especially once school starts x

almost out of senior school one of my DC has shown no improvement over all these years despite every effort I make. DC will only eat a very limited lists of foods, hates eating out and drives me potty.

but I just adapt family meals to things that he will eat and accept that actually this is just the way he is.

I tried absolutely every method in the book but nothing made any difference. so now I am just chilled about it and know that this is where we are with food and nothing I do or say will change it.

occasionally, very occasionally we have a minor triumph in that we get him to try something new and he actually either doesn't gag/spit it out and will eat it again. this happened with chocolate croissants recently and also last night for the first time ever he ate shepherds pie made up rather than the meat on one side and the potato on the other. I almost danced around the kitchen. minor victories but still one day he might improve.

My toddler is the same, there is very little that she will eat. No vegetables (not even 'hidden' as she won't eat sauces), she has started to eat apples the last few weeks but no other fruit.

I have stopped letting it dominate my life. She eats unbuttered bread, occasionally cheese, pasta with pesto, Goodies Oat bars, apples, chips and sometimes cereal. I always show her what we are eating and put a little on a plate for her. Recently she has shown more interest in our food and has begun to pick bits up but not gone so far as to actually put them in her mouth so I'm hopeful this will be the next step.

Have you tride hiding vegetables in their favourite food?

Yep, my toddler is a tiny little food arsehole too.

Other 2 kids were great. This one, hahaha ha.

She solely exists on milk, sugary yogurts, biscuits, the occasional crisp, and ever so occasionally some pizza. But only if I'm not in the room. If I so much as show my presence it goes on the floor.

Oh hang on, I lied. She'll eat haribo, bear yoyos and ice cream too.

Beans on toast and bananas are not the worst things in the world.
Give yourself a break. Feed him what he will eat and when things are calmer try adding variety.

I made sure there was something they would like on every plate and offered fruit and yoghurt as desert. They could have plain toast if they were still hungry.
I didn't't use the terminology of good and bad food but i did use better for your body and not so useful for your body. The deal was that they no food was bad for you but everything in moderation and they needed some better for you food as well as the the not so healthy stuff. So if they hadn't eaten any veg, they couldn't have crisps, cake. chocolate etc as snacks. But no drama about it - it was just the rule.
Hasn't seemed to have affected them adversely. They make their own choices now they are teenagers, which although isn't quite as healthy as I would like, is fairly balanced.

last night dinner in our house for my tired & fussy 4 yo dd was fish fingers, mash, chips, sausages & spaghetti with peas & broccoli mixed in them. She ate it all and enjoyed it. I honestly don't stress it too much at all, she is healthy & happy, we do all sit & eat together and I am strict in as much as that if she doesn't eat & try some of her food there is absolutely nothing else to fill her up. Her latest trick is to ask for a glass of milk with every meal....she drinks that first then isn't hungry so now no milk until after the food, water at the table only

From what I've read on here, most grow out of it, some don't. I didn't and 60 something years later I'm still a massively fussy eater.

Good luck.

I could of written this, its so frustrating isn't it?! The problem I have with withholding treats if my DS don't eat is that i have another DS who is 3yo and eats pretty well, so I don't feel its fair for him to not a treat after eating his dinner, but the thought of giving him a pudding and not the fussy 2yo one fills me with terror as the fall out would be epic!

We are trying a reward chart at the moment and have cut out his morning milk so he is more hungry, and it seems to be working slowly.

Good luck, i feel your pain!

Yes but the fall out might result in less fussiness. Short term pain for long term gain.

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