Someone said something at work...

[Gingernaut]

...and I'm wondering if there's something in it.

Bear with me, this is a long one.

I have been diagnosed with dyslexia. I tick most of the boxes.

I have also been diagnosed with dysthymia, a form of chronic, low level depression. I tick most of those boxes.

Both have been the bane of my life. I underachieve, I'm disorganised, forgetful, lose interest in stuff (sometimes quite important stuff), have brilliant ideas which I forget moments later, have trouble articulating my thoughts even though I'm pretty knowledgable and have an IQ in top 3% of population, can't motivate myself even with deadlines looming, have such poor time management skills that I do virtually nothing outside of work apart from basic housework and personal care and just trundle along in low level jobs which don't normally require me to 'check in' and concentrate.

So far so diagnoses.

However, in these days of cutbacks, even relatively low paying jobs, like the temporary, hospital admin job I'm in now, are pretty demanding.

I'm not just filing, finding files and stuffing envelopes, I'm generating letters, booking appointments, minuteing meetings (very, very badly) making phonecalls to patients, booking meeting rooms and more.

My short term memory is poor. My mid term memory is pretty poor and my long term memory isn't up to much either.

Someone asked me to do something. I took notes and wasn't able to do it immediately so put the note to one side.

I was just leaving my desk, when I decided to tidy up and throw away the confidential waste, task note included.

I only realised when I went to do something similar to what I was originally told to do.

I had to ask for all the information again so I could finally perform the task.

The staff I work with come into contact with patients. Children.

Children of all shapes, sizes and diagnoses.

One asked if I had ADD as I behave like many of the patients she's seen diagnosed with it.

I'm 49 and she deals exclusively with children. I wasn't thrilled with the question but politely answered no, I'm dyslexic.

She left me wondering, though.

Over the past couple of days, I've been reading about ADD and ADHD and her question kinda, sorta makes sense.

I tick virtually all the boxes for ADD. I tick virtually none of the boxes for ADHD.

At 49, I still have almost 20 years (possibly more) of working life ahead of me and I need to get a grip on whatever's hampering me.

After nearly 17 years on antidepressants which have done little for me and cause physical side effects which have required their own prescriptions, would I be unreasonable to go my GP and ask for an ADD assessment?

I was diagnosed and treated in my 30s and it has changed my life. It's not that rare. Good luck, you might have a bit of a fight to get the right response from your GP - I have a psychologist who stated she didn't know where to refer me to - do your own research and don't be put off trying by people saying "oh, I forget things/get distracted etc so I must have it too"...I got a lot of that!

I got diagnosed at the age of 36. My husband a couple of months later. We are not an organised couple. My son is highly likely to have it too, but he's too young to diagnose formally. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, I found it emotionally devastating tbh, and I invested in some counselling to help me deal with the implications. I would say be prepared for your GP to not take you entirely seriously, there is a serious lack of awareness of the huge impact in all areas of life that adult ADHD has on sufferers. I got diagnosed privately and it has genuinely changed my life. I'm still not organised and struggle day to day, but now I don't hate myself for it, or see it as some kind of moral failing, laziness or just "not trying hard enough". The lack of guilt is incredibly freeing. I wish you all the best.

I haven't read the full thread (got distracted!) but can I recommend that you look up Dr Russell Barkley on YouTube? Have tissues ready, I cried for hours with sheer relief.

Can I just add, one of the most infuriating things about speaking to people that don't have it is "oh, I always forget things too", "oh, I'm always procrastinating". Trying to explain that yes, everyone does these things, but not to the extent that they spiral into depression, addiction, lose jobs, relationships, health and can utterly destroy their lives. The impact is huge.

You could also look up the Reddit ADHD sub, there is a pinned thread on there about explaining ADHD to non-sufferers.

There was another thing that I wanted to say but I can't bloody remember it. SO INFURIATING!!

Oh yes, look around your family. Once you start looking, you see the signs in others everywhere.

Oh, yes - get yourself a copy of Driven to Distraction/Delivered from Distraction. There's a great quiz in the second one of those that will define a lot of smaller details for you. I highlighted the parts of it that applied to me, in trying to explain things to my psychologist.

I've booked an appointment online for tomorrow afternoon. Yes. I know.

I'll print off the literature Mrs Twix linked to and go over it before I go in.

Once again, thanks for not thinking I'm a nut.

Best of luck for tomorrow! Don't be disheartened if they don't get it, lots of people need to try a few different GPs to get a diagnosis.

I second the advice to check out the ADHD subreddit. It's really good, lots of useful information.

Definitely worth checking out.

But, of course, symptoms and indicators aren't restricted to one condition/disorder/illness.

Dyslexia and mild depression combined would, I assume, very naturally create behaviours and mindsets similar to that of ADHD-P1.

Your colleague saw behaviours she recognised as being indicative of one issue - but that doesn't mean they aren't indicative of your, different, issues.

I was diagnosed with dyslexia at 28. Terrible short-term memory (estimated functioning of an 8 year old child for digit-span and similar tests) but high IQ, and doing an academic research job. I have Dyspraxia secondary to Ehlers Danlos syndrome. The overlap between dyslexia and dyspraxia are high so worth getting checked out. You may be entitled to an Access to work grant from DWP - nothing to do with benefits, Government has to pay a grant towards your needs. Worth checking out, I found them helpful.

Does there have to be a diagnosis, OP?

I have elements of what you describe. But I will freely admit that I have no interest in menial admin tasks, and refuse to waste brain space on them. I am a strong believer in what economists term division of labour, so it would make no sense at all for me to be stuffing envelopes when I have bigger fish to fry.

Perhaps you are batting below your weight in your worklife?

Reading your post I thought ADHD before it was mentioned. DD is waiting for diagnosis, 18 fucking months so far, luckily school are all over it and have helped loads. DH went private and is fighting for meds. GPs don't seem to believe in it nor medicating for it. It's not rare and it's not serious, many people can be successful and functioning members of society. Just be prepared for friends and family to discourage you or tell you it doesn't exist, or as pp said, everyone forgets stuff etc - I forget stuff and procrastinate but DH does it on a whole other level, and yet his family deny it completely and probably blame me for the fact he never sorts out going round to see them/sending birthday cards or whatever. He's a touch ASD too and his dad has traits of both.

Over here in the US our daughter was dx ADHD at about 10 I think, she's now 14, and the Vyvanse she takes has done wonders for her,Nothing but positive benefits.
Actually, reading your post I wondered about this dx for you too even before you mentioned it! Too many similarities.
Hope that all goes equally well for you.

Good luck, OP.

Well yes, highinthesky, a true diagnosis and proper treatment would be very welcome as I wouldn't mind reaching something like my potential.

If I have been properly diagnosed, then fine, I'm not overjoyed but am dealing with it.

If I have been diagnosed incorrectly and require a different treatment and coping strategy, then I might inprove.

I'm too flat out disorganised and distracted to do any more then I'm doing now.

Good luck for your appointment OP, hope it goes well for you. You've had lots of constructive advice on this thread and it looks like it could be ADHD from what others have said. I had a couple of other thoughts too.

Have you always felt like this or did it come on around the time you started the ADs (could it be a side-effect?) Or could there still be an underlying ongoing anxiety or depression which the ADs aren't currently helping with? Lack of motivation, and difficulty concentrating, can be signs of depression. Are you spending time worrying and therefore forgetting things that are in front of you?

I also wonder if your ADs aren't working as well as they should be. Have you tried other types? Different types work best for different people. Also, in some cases, with long-term treatment an AD may eventually become less effective for some people and they need to swap to a different AD.

Let us know how you get on.

I'm 49 and was diagnosed a few months ago. On medication and not sure how much difference it is making but it is early days....
My DD1 was diagnosed at just 14 (now 16) and the medication transformed her school work. I already knew I was very similar to her - so if she had it so did I.
The thing that always made me doubt it (for her and me) was if we are interested in something we can concentrate really well - then I found out that is common - hyperfocus - which can be a really good thing but also means you can get too focused on something and don't do things you should be doing.
And I really struggle with mundane tasks too - I force myself to do eg housework but I hate it so much sometimes I feel like crying.

And I got the we all procrastinate - or forget things etc.
My Dsis was surprised DD1 was diagnosed - when I said I thought I had it too she was really dismissive. So I went through problems I had as a child (when we still lived together). I said what about when I always lost everything - you were just careless, what about always being late - you were just disorganised and selfish, what about etc etc
At the end I said all those things are all symptoms of ADHD - so either I am just lazy, careless, selfish etc or perhaps I have ADHD....
Just one thing about the medication - there seems to be a come down from it - or rather bounce up!
I found DD is more 'hyper' when it wears off in the evening - seems to be even louder and more lively than she was before (she takes Elvanse - an all day med).
I am taking the shorter acting type - generic Ritalin and I have to take it 3x a day. I found that I seem to be more forgetful, more easily distracted etc and talk too much than I did before when it is wearing off. (Actually it is an appetite suppressant too - I don't really notice that - except when it is wearing off I start feeling ravenous...) - so you do need to plan when you take it ...try and avoid being like that when you need to be focussed.
Also it is a bit disconcerting...instead of last minute panics I seem to be better at getting things done straight away -but then I panic that I have forgotten to do something - I find myself double checking things...
Also the first time I took it was really freaky - I must have 'noise' - lots of thoughts - going on in my head all the time and it suddenly went silent...and it was actually a bit scary -but I don't notice it any more.

My DP has just been referred (by the GP) for an assessment. I was filling a questionnaire about DD (part of the diagnosis) - and it dawned on me that a lot of especially the more hyperactive side was describing him perfectly - he can't let someone finish a sentence without interrupting - he will ask a question and then cut you off when you are trying to answer etc.

And apparently it is common that both partners of a couple can have ADHD -you are attracted by the similarities etc. And also one partner can be forced into being the 'organised' one -and that's me. I am constantly trying to come up with ways to make things easier/stay on top of things - I have endless to do lists and google calendars and a to do app (ticktick) - and in general I cope ...but every so often I fall off and everything descends into chaos. (And I am the queen of clutter and unfinished projects....) An old boss said I was either the most organised disorganised or disorganised organised person they had ever met
Good luck tomorrow....

ADs are a sore topic.

About 17 years ago I was initially prescribed an SSRI called paroxetine. Two tablets later, my mood had lifted but I was also suffering from anaphylaxis.

I went back to the GP and was prescribed an old style tricyclic called lofepramine.

It lifts me enough to get me out of bed and out the door to work and that's it.

Any attempt to change the tablets results in shocking side effects.

Venlafaxine (SNRI) caused such a shocking rise in blood pressure I ended up in hospital on a monitor, mirtazapine left me almost too sleepy to function and duloxetine did both.

The ADs class I'm on are dangerous in overdose, cause major drug interactions and are increasingly rarely prescribed. I've often had to return to the pharmacy to pick up remainders as there weren't enough tablets to fill the prescription in one go.

Tricyclics cause the mucous membranes to dry out - dry mouth, near constant thirst, constipation requiring laxatives and stool softeners, dry eyes (eye drops) and nose (nasal spray) etc.

Aircon leaves me feeling like the air's on fire - my nose needs a zhuzh of saline every afternoon and, thanks to chronic constipation, I have a small rectocele. Fabulous.

I've had rounds of CBT, group therapy, psychiatry appointments (students love me as I am one of the few patients in the country officially recorded with an allergy to SSRIs, so they're unlikely to meet someone like me again) and I have done expert patient courses.

I don't know if I'm clutching at straws or what.

are you still under psychiatry?
it sounds a good idea to run your symptoms past them?

I would say there is no harm in looking into it ....only good can come from it.
Undiagnosed ADHD (and other similar conditions) and depression/MH problems go hand in hand.
(I've suffered serious depression -suicidal- in my 20s and have fought it on occasions every since)
You can have problems holding down a job/doing it well.
And relationship problems - with family and friends.
And money problems (impulse spending)
None of which helps your mental state.

Also addictions and 'self medication' - thankfully I've managed to avoid problems with alcohol (it was close at one point) but not with nicotine and caffeine (both of which are stimulants and have been trialled as treatments for ADHD). I've realised my 'I need a cup of coffee' and most other peoples isn't the same - I will knock a strong coffee back -with no pleasure, like taking medicine - if I need to focus on something and I am struggling.

And it is a constant blow to your self esteem to always be failing, behind, struggling to do things others make look easy - you know you have to do things but making yourself do them is really incredibly hard. You get frustrated with yourself. And at times don't like yourself much - you know you are eg talking too much or you have said something you shouldn't (often) or done something silly on impulse....or you are there again at the last minute desperately trying to meet a deadline - messing up and knowing you have put yourself into that position - why haven't I learned? etc etc
I used to beat myself up about it - but now I try not to - because I know am doing the best I can in the circumstances...
As DD said on diagnosis - it isn't an excuse, it is an explanation.
Just knowing there is a reason helps - you aren't just really crap at modern living - your brain is wired different to most other peoples - (and there are positives to that too -you just have to find your niche.)
Having it acknowledged does help your MH...

If the GP won't refer you today -try another one.
And then go (either back to GP or to an assessment) with the list of symptoms and examples of when you have experienced them.
I went very laid back - like I said I was certain I did, it was a no brainer. But he was very negative - I was told I couldn't have achieved what I have if I did have it ...which infuriated me and I went into a rant about that's why they missed DD for so long - because she is bright. Just because you are bright and work round things doesn't mean it isn't hard etc, a constant battle against your nature etc ...and he told me to come back.
I went with 2 sides of typed A4 (hyperfocus ) describing events from my life that are typical of someone with ADHD and then at the end I had a the NHS list of symptoms and a few recent examples of each....I got my diagnosis...

Really the best of luck - adult ADHD is becoming more well known - accepted and also that adults and (girls) can present differently as they are more likely to conform to social norms (try to be good girls...) Hopefully if it is isn't ADHD just the fact they looked at it might let them realise you have a similar condition...

I've been referred.

I told her what had happened to bring me to the surgery, described the work, the working environment and showed her the online test questionnaires I had filled in.

She started to answer in a sceptical way, telling me the diagnosis is often made in childhood and that it was extremely rare for adults, especially adults my age to go without diagnosis for so long.

She was saying this as I handed her the questionnaires and after looking at them agreed to refer me.

I'd filled in one form incorrectly. And not noticed.

Instead of reading the statements and ringing the 0 for not at all, 1 for slightly or 5 for very much 'sliding scale' answers, I had simply ringed the statements I believed applied to me.

Classic.

The letter for my referral will be in the post.

Good news
It might take a while to get an appt etc but you have made the first move.
Make sure you do go well prepared....apparently they aren't keen on diagnosing adults - it has to cause you problems in your everyday life...and also the medication is restricted so they will want to make sure you don't just want that so you can sell it etc.
Fingers crossed you are on the right track - and get the right help now for you...
(The age thing - I read that being menopausal - or perimenopausal - can make ADHD more of a problem cos a lot of the symptoms overlap - you get menopausal forgetfulness on top of 'normal' ADHD forgetfulness.. so women who have 'coped' with ADHD all their lives get diagnosed at our age because of that... here is a link www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/8330.html )

Thanks. I've been like this my whole life.

Intelligent, capable of great things but permanently underachieving and disorganised.

When the doctor pointed out my obvious mistake, I was mortified.

Fab news OP. Keep pushing. But if you can afford it private assessment can be so worth it. We got an appointment just over a week later in central london. It wasn't cheap but we just paid for the assessment and are trying to get the NHS to prescribe, bloody nightmare but we're getting there, three months later - part due to ADHD husband's disorganisation, part ignorant GP who doesn't believe the diagnosis. The psychiatrist is very respected and well known in the field. DD's diagnosis is taking forever and we first spotted someone off at age 3 and a half, she's almost 7!

I am convinced the U.K. Don't take ADHD seriously at all, there's loads more info and support on US websites where far more people are diagnosed - rightly or wrongly but the UK seems to be under diagnosing by a large margin.

Thanks. This may sound weird, but I would prefer to stick to the NHS first.

If I'm paying for something, how independent and impartial will the doctor be?

With the NHS, you're just a number, they don't know you from Adam or Eve and, to my eye, are that bit more impartial.

I've been referred, I'll wait my turn and see what happens.

Glad you've been referred. Do you know where to? We're lucky in that we have an adult ADHD clinic close by so DH went there but I'm not sure if that's the same all over the UK. I believe DH was on the waiting list for around 6 months which was very fast, considering DS's diagnosis took nearly 2 years! Hopefully it won't be too long for you.

Reading this with great intuition. I'm