to think that if people are going to ask what I want for my birthday

[bigbluebus]

I may as well go out and buy it myself.

I have a birthday coming up shortly. Not a 'special' one - no 0 on the end! For a few weeks DH has been asking me if there is anything I would like for my birthday. I can't think of anything in particular that I want or need. He has known me for 30 years, so you'd think he could think of something I might like by now.

DS (19) has just crawled out of bed to head into our small local town with a view to getting me a birthday present. He has asked me to tell him what I want. There are a very limited range of shops in town and and even bigger limit to the ones he might go in or things he might buy - eg If I said I fancy a nice item from a certain ladies clothes shop he would not go in there and choose something.

AIBU to think that if I have to think of something for them to buy me they may as well not bother as there will be no element of surprise on my birthday or they may as well give me the money and say "go and choose something you'd like".

Disclaimer: I have recently suffered a huge loss and change in my life and am already feeling a bit down which may be clouding my judgement and adding to me feeling sorry for myself.

What's worse is when somebody asks you what you want, you tell them, and then for some reason they completely ignore what you asked for and decide they know better what you should have and end up giving you something you really don't want. That is really irritating. It's nice if people ask as it shows they care and want you to like your gift - people aren't mind readers - so long as they stick to what you say you know they won't be wasting their money on something you don't really want.

I know what you mean (if I wanted a particular book I'd buy it myself) but I think it depends. If someone is going to get you a small gift (whatever amount of money is insignificant to you) then it's obviously the thought that counts and they should spend time thinking about it. On the other hand sometimes if it's going to be an amount of money that you wouldn't normally spend on yourself without thinking (I rarely buy things for myself) it's nice if it's something you want even if it's just a vague area (e.g. perfume, new socks, whatever). Then you have the nice thing without feeling guilty.

It may be that this year particularly (because of your loss) they just really want to get it right and get you something you'll really appreciate.
I get your point (I'm sure my mum would sympathise regarding my dad if I didn't step in on the sly) but rather than focus on the effort you feel they're not making, remember you have two people here who obviously love you and want to nail your present so you really like it.
It sounds given your loss what you really need is to feel loved and fussed over. So maybe say to your hubby don't get me an actual pressie, just whisk me off somewhere for the day and we can just really enjoy each others company. He could choose what you do. Might be easier given you're not really into 'stuff'.
Wishing you a very happy birthday and sorry for your loss.

OP I'm like you and I also have a birthday coming up. I'm terrible at thinking of things I want, as I hate pointless stuff, and waste, and buying for the sake of it. This birthday I'm feeling particularly unfestive as my dad is terminally ill and I'm dreading him dying on my birthday.

I might say "don't worry about presents" and if they insist, ask them to make a donation to a charity I've chosen.

People's preference for whether they get something entirely chosen by others, give hints or a range of choices, or gives a specific choice varies widely.

Make it clear you'd prefer anything they have chosen entirely themselves, but if you're feeling charitable, give them some pointers, e.g. Chocolate, wine or whatever floats your boat.

Not everyone feels confident making these choices with no help.

It sounds like what you really need this year is for your family to show you that they care, which is totally fine of course! So perhaps spending time together as pp have suggested is the way forward? Could you call go for a nice breakfast in town then browse the shops for a bit and you can choose something nice for yourself, followed by a cinema/concert/movie at home?

Or a massage. My default birthday present idea is always a massage. People never get me one because they think it's too 'obvious'. Sigh.