To not understand why people go on about being attractive

[BoomtownCatss]

Im in a bit of a low period right now, have gained weight and although I'm quite small I feel dumpy and ugly - I feel like I go through phases where I feel quite attractive and then it just goes.

Lately someone at work was going on about how she had overheard a conversation where a group of men weee discussing her band saying she was so good-looking... I like her but am a bit envious if I'm honest - I'm well educated, good degree etc and working in a prestigious finance organisation. She has similar job without degree (they do a school leavers programme), has a serious boyfriend, is very good-looking and will be on the same (pretty high) salary as me next year.

She is seven years younger than me (18) and has everything I want tbh! And I just didn't know how to respond to what she was saying? I've had similar in the past (not now!) and would purposely not go on about it!!

My four closest friends are all gorgeous and none of them are boring.

She's 18! Many people are a bit vapid and all about looks at 18.

Charley50 being gorgeous doesn't make you boring - talking about your own gorgeousness does though!

Do you gorgeous mates go around telling people that they are gorgeous or that they overheard people discussing their gorgeousness? I would guess not.

Generally if you have to point out to people that you are gorgeous / attractive then you probably aren't particularly - its right there on the cover of the book, it doesn't need pointing out. The same way people who frequently tell others how intelligent they are often aren't (or if they are it is in some very niche and limited way, but generally they are pretty mediocre).

She's 18 with a job in finance and a steady boyfriend. She didn't even go to college. What is there to envy? Even if they don't choose further education, I really hope my DC are travelling the world, falling in love with exciting unsuitable types and trying to live out their dreams at that age, not settling down. Life is long.

Why are you worried and comparing yourself to an 18 year old?

Sounds like your problem, not hers.

I don't think I've ever really judged anyone in rl on their prettiness, that's just not the way my brain is wired. When I think of my friends; I rank them in terms of kindness, and they are all cracking people. Therefore, they are all beautiful people to me.

Surely it's ok to tell your friend, the OP said she likes this colleague so perhaps views her as a friend. Maybe she found it embarrassing and shared it in a cringey way. I'd find it awkward, especially at that age. And she may not think she is particularly attractive, not everyone who is attractive believes they are and it's a matter of opinion anyway.

To be fair, most 18 year olds are gorgeous. Some know it, some don't. Looks normally fade and then you're only left with personality to use!! And you're 25? You're probably gorgeous too! But just don't know it or enjoy it. Please don't waste your twenties watching and comparing other people. Everyone goes through ups and downs, as she will and as will you, and perhaps you won't envy her anymore. Enjoy these years if youth and energy. You really will regret it when you're 10-15 years older. And if she really has some qualities that resonate with you, admire it rather than envy it and see if you can emulate it.

5 more minutes - I said that in response to whoever said that very attractive people are often boring!

However, out of my four gorgeous friends; maybe one of them does mention when she gets compliments quite often, however she still isn't boring. She's the only one who is single however, so maybe it is an insecurity / needing validation type thing.