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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was IBU or was he?

64 replies

bubblebaths · 17/03/2017 15:40

DP gave me back a load of cake tins that he had in his workshop the other day and today I decided to make him a cake.
He came to collect it and said FFS you haven't bothered washing out the cake tin then?
Took the cake stormed off then sent me a message to say don't bother coming over to his tonight and he will sort him and his DC out himself for tea.

Rang him and he ranted down the phone at me saying it was completely unacceptable to give him a cake in a tin that hadn't been washed out thoroughly and that not to make him any more cakes in the future and quite frankly I can shove this cake up my arse because he doesn't want it and how dare I just shrug off the fact that I hadn't washed it out then put the phone down on me...

Bit of a back story so not to drip:
DP is a farmer - I have only ever seen him clean in the morning or late at night after a shower/bath as all through the day he is either covered in grease/mud/handling animals all day etc
His shed is just as bad where he fixes his tractors and things and he will eat his food without washing his hands - I made a deal out of it when we first met telling him it was really unhygienic but he made a big song and dance about how he would be washing his hands 100 times a day and he's never died from eating with dirty hands etc etc and in the 5 years we've been together he's never been any different - his jeep is a mess and filthy dirty inside and he just doesn't seem to worry too much about it all as he's always so busy.

The cake tins he brought back were not dirty inside at all, the outsides were a bit dusty but not the insides - yes ok I should have washed them out inside and if he weren't taking them back to the farm I would have but I just thought well he doesn't care and really didn't think he would make this much of a big deal out of it.

So I'm sat here feeling sorry for myself, especially as I was told to shove it up my arse. I did apologise for not washing it but that's not good enough.

He's really stressed out at the moment and I have an ongoing illness that's being investigated which means I'm in pain all day, everyday and we can't and haven't been intimate for 6 months now which doesn't help.

OP posts:
ZilphasHatpin · 17/03/2017 16:09

Fuck that!! Book in for that tattoo removal (MUG on your forehead) and tell him to jog on.

IGotTheMustardOut · 17/03/2017 16:14

So you went to the effort of making him a cake and his reaction is to have a go at you about some crumbs left on the outside of the cake tin and not even a thank you?

The way he talked to you on the phone was horrible, he should shove the cake up his own arse the cheeky fucker!

Does he often talk to you in that way OP? It's not on at all.

Guiltypleasures001 · 17/03/2017 16:14

Seriously?

What did his last fucking slave who maybe wasn't in pain die of then.
What a sanctimonious odious prick, fuck the bell end off and concentrate on yourself
Op.

You deserve better than this, even if you don't think so, oh and stop apologising to him he's a bigger tool than he could ever find in his shitty shed.

Anyways pmt rant over Cake

yellowfrog · 17/03/2017 16:16

Does have have good points, because he sounds bloody awful

WineAndTiramisu · 17/03/2017 16:17

So the inside of the tin was clean, and had been stored with a lid on? He is definitely the one BU... I'd tell him to get lost if I were you! That is not the way to speak to anyone

Original poster
bubblebaths · 17/03/2017 16:18

He doesn't usually speak to me like this no, I know he's massively stressed at the moment and hes struggling with the fact that we can't "be together" as he doesn't understand whats wrong with me (neither do I!) I did just send him a text telling him he's really upset me and I didn't deserve to be spoken to the way he did but I'm really not expecting a reply hes quite stubborn when he thinks he's in the right!

OP posts:
EllaHen · 17/03/2017 16:18

I don't understand why it's your job to wash the tins.

I don't understand why the majority of posters are missing this.

Don't wash his tins. Don't apologise for not washing the tins.

Don't accept such shoddy treatment. It's a fucking no brainer.

HashiAsLarry · 17/03/2017 16:21

If someone bakes you a cake the polite thing to do is wash the tin before returning it Smile

GatoradeMeBitch · 17/03/2017 16:21

He'll probably apologize tomorrow when he wants his free cook back.

ImperialBlether · 17/03/2017 16:21

I think if someone made me a cake and I gave back their tin, I'd make sure it was clean at that point.

He sounds bloody horrible and I wouldn't want anything to do with him. This kind of behaviour wouldn't even occur to a normal bloke.

notanurse2017 · 17/03/2017 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateAntaia · 17/03/2017 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhiWrites · 17/03/2017 16:25

So these aren't the kind of cake tins you make the cake in? They're tubs for storing only and he's previously said he goes by care about dirt. He's being unreasonable.

eddielizzard · 17/03/2017 16:30

so you're really ill, in pain all day, yet you make him and his kids tea every night? WHY???????

i'd never go to his ever again frankly, after treatment like that. appalling.

happypoobum · 17/03/2017 16:44

I agree with Gatorade when he gets fed up with looking after his own DC and fending for himself you will get a grudging apology.

Where's your self esteem? Tell him to Fuck Off.

AshesandDust · 17/03/2017 16:50

That's not on, what an ungrateful dirty sod he is.
He's twisted your hygiene standards round to beat you
over the head with when you've gone to all the trouble
to bake the entitled pig a cake. YDNBU

Janey50 · 17/03/2017 17:12

How did he know that you hadn't washed the cake tin? Confused

Janey50 · 17/03/2017 17:13

And he's the one BU not you.

LilyWildflower · 17/03/2017 17:14

He sounds like my ex. He's an ex for reasons such as these.

Annesmyth123 · 17/03/2017 17:14

Who makes a cake in a dirty tin? That's a bit gross really.

Annesmyth123 · 17/03/2017 17:16

But the solution is simple. Don't make him any more cakes.

BrutusMcDogface · 17/03/2017 17:21

Oh my god. I can't believe there are posters on here telling you off for putting a cake into a tin that was dirty ON THE OUTSIDE.

He keeps having a go at you because you haven't made him a cake for ages?! So you make him one, and he tells you to shove it up your arse?!

Why the actual fucking fuck are you putting up with this utter twat?!

deadringer · 17/03/2017 17:24

He was being unreasonable by not washing the tins before he returned them to you. I would tell him to fuck off. And take the cake back and eat it all.

SheldonsSpot · 17/03/2017 17:28

I think you've posted about him lots before.

As you've been told many times, he treats you like a housekeeper, not a partner.

But you'll continue to put up with it, and no doubt keep posting here, ignoring all of the advice you're given.

CookieLady · 17/03/2017 17:29

Ffs. If you're that awful you shan't be cooking for him and his dc every sodding night anymore.