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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why can't some people mind their own business?

82 replies

Soubriquet · 17/03/2017 11:28

I actually had an older man in the street this morning and call me a bloody idiot as he rushed on by me because I crossed the road with my two children when it wasn't a green man. Despite it being safe to cross with no cars coming.

I was in a rush anyway because my Dd needed a wee but still why do I need to stop and wait if there are no cars coming?

I replied to him "oh give over. It was safe, my Dd needs a wee so mind your own business you interfering sod"

Dd then piped up with "your not an idiot mummy are you"

So I said no. Some people just need to mind their manners. All within ear shot

Bet he wouldn't have said anything if it was a man who did it with his kids.

OP posts:
RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 17/03/2017 13:26

I taught my DCs road safety. This included crossing on a Green Man, but I also taught them to use their judgement.

The green man is absolutely not a fail safe option. DP had to go to court as a witness when a driver went through a red light and hit a pedestrian crossing on a green man. Pedestrian died.

So yes, I did and do cross when the green man is not showing. I use my judgement.

gluteustothemaximus · 17/03/2017 13:30

But there's no logic in saying parents who teach their children to cross roads safely without lights, aren't allowed to use those same skills to cross safely on a road with lights, and must wait for the green man (and then be told very loudly by the other parent (via their child) that they are wrong for doing so).

Permanentlyexhausted · 17/03/2017 13:32

call me a bloody idiot

I replied to him "oh give over. It was safe, my Dd needs a wee so mind your own business you interfering sod"

Dd then piped up with "your not an idiot mummy are you"

So I said no. Some people just need to mind their manners. All within ear shot

Pot and kettle springs to mind. What a delightful pair you both sound. Bloody idiots and Interfering sods - I'd say you both need to mind your manners and consider a little more carefully how you are both portraying decent behaviour (or the lack of it in this case) to an impressionable child.

Of course you can't control what he said to you but you could have followed your own advice and minded your own manners.

isupposeitsverynice · 17/03/2017 13:32

This thread is great I've really enjoyed it - who knew people could get so het up about other people teaching their kids to cross the road without the help of little green men?

Thanks OP. Also, in my opinion, you were completely reasonable and that man was a twat. Hope you made it to the loo in time.

harderandharder2breathe · 17/03/2017 13:33

YABU for not modelling good road safety. Children are too little to judge whether it's safe which is why they should be taught to wait for the green man.

YANBU for expecting him to mind his own business given you as an adult had judged it safe

I do judge parents of either gender who dash into busy roads with small children but I wouldn't say anything out loud. I also wouldn't judge in this situation as the road was quiet with no cars coming

HalfCarrot · 17/03/2017 13:40

YANBU unless you're in Germany where several people will tell you off each time you do this (so you don't)

Much better to learn to cross safely than blindly follow the green man without checking.

knackeredinyorkshire · 17/03/2017 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 17/03/2017 13:49

I did say pardon as I didn't hear the first time and he happily repeated it

We made it to the toilet luckily

And what was I supposed to do? Let this man get away with calling me an idiot because I used my common sense? No way. I stuck up for myself

OP posts:
WaegukSaram · 17/03/2017 13:50

Presumably OP is an adult and made a judgement call as to whether the road was safe to cross. I can think of a number of crossings near me with pedestrian lights that are quiet and where you can see the road for a long way in each direction.

I also agree that he wouldn't have said it if you were a bloke.

stevie69 · 17/03/2017 14:02

Well, I do agree that it wasn't his business and that he should have refrained from comment (in the absence of any imminent danger to you or your children).

However, I struggle to see how you've come up with the idea that he wouldn't have said it, had you been male?

S x

Witchend · 17/03/2017 14:11

Kind of see both sides.

I teach mine to wait until the green man and check for the traffic to stop.

But going because they needed a wee if you normally wait will go into their heads as "normally wait, but if you're in a hurry then it's okay to ignore it."
And when people are in a hurry that's exactly the point that accidents happen because they're focussed on getting there rather than checking for the cars.
So I think that's a potentially dangerous lesson for them to learn.

StrangeLookingParasite · 17/03/2017 14:11

I bet he wouldn't have.

elephantcuddles · 17/03/2017 14:13

OopsDearyMe, why call her an idiot? What was she supposed to do? Stand there and wait and let her child just go on themselves? That was the alternative. She made the right choice for her at the time. It doesn't mean she doesn't teach her children to safely cross the road the other 99% of the time.

OP, I like your reply to the old man. Made me giggle.

boodlethistle · 17/03/2017 14:18

I've also had the experience of crossing the road in Germany without waiting for the green man. No traffic in sight. Just me, no children. No children of other people in sight. Still got told off about it, as apparently it was a bad example for children.
I've had a lot of "unsolicited advice" in both Germany and France. In France lots of people got worked up because my toddler kept taking her socks off when in the pushchair. It was warm weather, but they were still terribly worried she would get cold. One of them actually gave her a replacement pair of socks.
If I had to live with that all the time it would drive me mad. You feel very encroached upon.

ilovesooty · 17/03/2017 14:19

The OP said he wasn't old - just older than she is. Not that I see the relevance of his age either.

I wonder whether she'd have posted if this exchange had happened with a woman her own age.
I think he was rude but the OP's response was rude too.

BackforGood · 17/03/2017 14:28

I replied to him "oh give over. It was safe, my Dd needs a wee so mind your own business you interfering sod"

then

Some people just need to mind their manners. All within ear shot

Oh, the irony Grin

SistersOfPercy · 17/03/2017 14:43

teach your children and the other nearby children that adults wait for the lights too

This. I frequently take out a small group of SN kids. So many times we have stood at the crossing when others (including parents with kids) have just marched across without waiting. Our kids are thoroughly confused and frequently try and follow.

I wouldn't have called you an idiot OP, but I'd probably have been a bit exasperated by it.

Porpoiselife · 17/03/2017 14:44

How old are your children OP?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 17/03/2017 14:48

Ds has just turned 2

Dd will be 4 next week

OP posts:
zukiecat · 17/03/2017 14:51

The man was rude, but I think you were very rude to him as well

I always taught my DC to wait for the Green Man and also to check if it was safe to cross while the Green Man as some drivers ignore it

My friend used to try and grab hold of my DC and make them cross regardless of the Green Man or whatever

I used to go spare at her!

My now adult DC always wait for the Green Man now as well, I don't have any DGC yet, but if and when I do, they will be taught the same

PutThatPomBearBack · 17/03/2017 14:54

I wonder what people did before the green man was around! There must have been children being knocked over left right and centre Hmm

Porpoiselife · 17/03/2017 15:19

If they are 4 and 2 then YABU. A 4 and 2 year old cannot have any kind of awareness of whether its safe to cross or not. They cannot correctly judge distance and speed like an older child can. Teaching to cross at crossings and waiting for the green man at that age is the best chance they have of crossing a road alone and staying alive.

I know its not likely they will ever be crossing on their own at this point in time, but if they did happen to wander off or get lost you would hope that if they tried to cross a road they would at least be able to remember ' oh yes, we have to wait for the green man'

And you don't know anything about the man who pulled you up on it. For all you know his child may have been hit by a car and injured/killed.

Factorysettings · 17/03/2017 15:34

I wonder whether she'd have posted if this exchange had happened with a woman her own age

Confused Because aibu is devoid of posts where women are pissed off by other women? Confused

Original poster
Soubriquet · 17/03/2017 15:46

If they are 4 and 2 then YABU. A 4 and 2 year old cannot have any kind of awareness of whether its safe to cross or not

the 2 year old was in his buggy and the 3 year old was holding my hand. No real difference to a 6 and 8 year old

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 17/03/2017 16:46

TBH I would have said something like this and I do! Regardless wether there were cars coming or not you should wait for the bloody green man, you teach your kids to cross safely not chance it.

And also you never know if a child could follow you across assuming the green man was showing. It's dangerous and fair play to the bloke for saying something.

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