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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

35 replies

lizzieoak · 17/03/2017 05:34

I was having a very late lunch in the staff room & the boss came in & sat down with her lunch. I hadn't been expecting anyone else to eat so late so had turned off one bank of fluorescents as it was a lovely sunny day and the room was too bright. I cheerily explained and offered to turn the lights on.

Boss glowers at me and says "I can't understand anything you're saying". Confused We're from the same area and only perhaps a very slight difference in our accents due to class.

I feel like that's a powerplay- either that or she's just f**ing rude. When did people stop saying "pardon?" or "sorry". If we met socially there'd be a chance someone would respond "that's a bit rude", but as she's my boss and we're constantly under threat of a negative performance review and non-renewal of contract, I can't point out that I don't feel comfortable w her taking to me like that.

Does that phrase bother other people, or is ir acceptable now?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/03/2017 05:37

It does sound rude.

But are you a mumbler? Maybe she can never understand what you are saying.

KoalaDownUnder · 17/03/2017 05:38

Yes, very rude.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2017 05:44

Yes she was being deliberately rude.

Coughandsplutter · 17/03/2017 05:58

Rude

frumpet · 17/03/2017 06:11

Were you cheerily explaining with a mouthful of food ?

Nquartz · 17/03/2017 06:12

Rude, unless you had a mouthful while you were talking to her!

NightWanderer · 17/03/2017 06:17

Seems like your boss was having a bad day and was hoping for a bit of quiet to eat her lunch in peace and then you started wittering on at her. Just put it down to a bad day for her and don't let it bother you.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 17/03/2017 06:24

Was your mouth full of food?

VintagePerfumista · 17/03/2017 06:25

More context needed I think.

What did you reply after she said that? Was her tone all boss-like? Did she say "speak up woman and don't mumble!" Did you have a mouth full of butty?

It could be rude, it could be a power play, it could be absolutely nothing!

Maybe as, like you say, it was a lovely sunny day and the lights were clearer not needed she came in, with her sandwich, with boss things on her mind and then you said about the lights and she was thinking "wtf? it's a lovely sunny day and this woman wants to know if I want the lights on? What's all that about?"

I wouldn't worry about it.

GreatFuckability · 17/03/2017 06:26

yes it was rude, mouthful of food/mumbler/unintelligible as fuck makes no odds, you don't talk to people like that!

Howlongtilldinner · 17/03/2017 06:53

Bloody rude bitch..as greatfuck says, no excuse..

Schooldramabannana · 17/03/2017 06:57

Only exception is if you were eating and talking - then i wouldn't consider rude just honest!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/03/2017 07:01

Tell us if your mouth was full!

TheOnlyColditz · 17/03/2017 07:03

Rude

We do not speak to people like that. I don't even speak to my teenagers like that. She felt like being a prick and you were the first target. I'm sorry you work for a giant bitch

60sname · 17/03/2017 07:08

Pretty rude! Maybe she is not hearing as clearly as she used to so everyone is 'mumbling'.

On the other hand, I've worked with a few people who always speak really quietly and you constantly have to ask them to speak up. It's really irritating!

Sample1936 · 17/03/2017 07:12

We dont have the full story and the boss's version. But as you are describing it, I wouldn't find it rude tbh.

Ifailed · 17/03/2017 07:14

Im with PPs who think she just wanted a bit of space, and saw you and thought, " Oh god, its that women who mumbles and is always fiddling with the lights, I hope she doesn't try and start a conversation, I've got to think up an approach to the Jones' account "

ilovelamp82 · 17/03/2017 07:15

People that talk with a mouthful of food make me irrationally shudder so while in my head I would be screaming "I can't understand you when you talk with your mouth full", I'm too polite so wouldn't actually say it. Was your mouth full?

There are more polite ways to ask you to repeat what you said, but it doesn't necessarily mean it was a class thing.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 17/03/2017 07:24

I'd say rude too but I'd like to know what context it is in.

I.e I'm partially deaf and DM can witter on for hours talk really fast whilst in front of you, and talks with a gobful of food on the phone thinking it's okay because you can't see her, I can still hear it Mother! Hmm

My DD is a mumbler sometimes, the amount of times I've had to literally say to her "I can't understand you", or my favourite phrase in my house is "sound the end of your words".

I struggle because my brain can't process what's being said really fast / under a persons breath.

She was rude. There was nothing wrong in a "pardon?" Or "can you say that again please?".

No excuse but maybe she's one of those people that doesn't like to be 'talked at' when she's came somewhere for a bit of peace and quite but if that's the case maybe she should choose somewhere else to have her lunch.

GreatFuckability · 17/03/2017 08:07

But even if the OP WAS talking with her mouth full, you don't say that to someone, you would just say 'i'm sorry, i didn't understand what you said' or 'excuse me, i didn't catch that'. I get talking with your mouth full is irritating/gross, but its not a reason to be such a bitch.

TheStoic · 17/03/2017 08:40

That is not OK even if the OP was mumbling.

It would just get some raised eyebrows and permanent silence from me.

Original poster
lizzieoak · 17/03/2017 12:15

I didn't have a mouthful of food, I'd finished eating by then. And it was the first time someone had caught me turning the lights off as I've only done it once previously (spring is here so at last so is the sun).

I was just reading my book :(

Seems like most people do think it's rude though, that's cheered me up immensely - partly because I'm right and partly because it means I don't have to anticipate a barrage of this.

I do speak somewhat softly but the other staff can hear me. And my mum was a fiend about articulating, so in that sense I'm clear. Regardless, it's still uncalled for.

OP posts:
Vigbymumparis · 17/03/2017 15:53

Just a thought, because this is indeed rude - and so rude that it's weird: the thing that sprang to mind (because of my DP) is that if she's, say, in her late 50s she might be beginning to have hearing difficulty and sort of shooting the messenger?

Original poster
lizzieoak · 17/03/2017 20:45

She's late 50's and not sure about hearing. You could be right, and my dad was hard of hearing so I get the frustration, but he wasn't rude about it.

OP posts:
Euripidesralph · 17/03/2017 21:20

It does sound rude definately but I must admit I'm the manager in my service and sometimes I findon't it very very frustrating if after a full day of being talked at and asked to sort everyone's issues that are desperately urgent and often actually aren't when I sit to have my lunch and someone starts to talk to me I have to grit my teeth a little because I want a bit of peace (especially if they take a log time to say a simple thing)

I would never ever respond as she has , but internally I am swearing a bit , although granted full disclosure I've had a very very bad day with entitled staff left right and centre wanting me at their beck and call and I have two small dc who desperately want my full attention every single second (and more importantly not to look or speak to their brother Hmm) so frankly I'm bias and probably not a reliable source currently !!

She was rude , shouldn't have said it but managers are people too and bugger up , maybe say something about it but if it's a one off assume she was rude and out of order and may apologise when she realises she was a twat?