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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To invite myself to a play date for 5yo?

61 replies

Mummamayhem · 15/03/2017 21:20

DD is starting to get invites to play at school friends houses which is great but when I don't know the family well and haven't been to their house, I feel uncomfortable to agreeing to just dropping DD off when she only knows the child and not the adults. Is it rude to ask to come too? (Just for 1st time) It feels really awkward, especially as I have a younger child too tagging along.

OP posts:

TinselTwins · 15/03/2017 23:01

someone with one child would probably think differently!
Nah, its not a pfb thing. Its a they're 5 thing
I have more than 1, and they're past the early playdate stage, still think it's basic parenting and 5YOs don't have to be completely independent,

Misswiggy · 15/03/2017 23:09

Maybe it's a "you know to your child and I know mine" thing? My kids are very confident and vocal about what they do and don't like. The parents of kids who's houses they go to would have the mindfulness to ring me if my child was upset for some reason. I wouldn't send a 5yo to a complete strangers house - I think if you have chatted to someone in the playground a few times and they seem decent and you know where they live etc. it is perfectly reasonable to allow the child to go round for a couple of hours. Are you saying that people who don't go and hover on play dates are lacking basic parenting skills tinsel? Come on now!

TinselTwins · 15/03/2017 23:11

Are you saying that people who don't go and hover on play dates are lacking basic parenting skills tinsel? Come on now! yup, they're FIVE, and at that age mine would have happily trotted off to playdates without me, but that didn't mean I was off the hook and didn't have to parent…

Original poster

Mummamayhem · 15/03/2017 23:18

I'm as confused as ever. I'm either a helicopter loon or completely irresponsible!

Well I'm sticking to my guns and saying no, I stay or we go out all together somewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummamayhem · 15/03/2017 23:20

I should add I have an anxiety issue and I'm exhausted over thinking this! Thank you all for discussing it with me.

OP posts:

Misswiggy · 15/03/2017 23:22

What about when they're 6? Or 7? Will you still hang around at play dates because, you know, there might be more 'new dads' lurking around or running in and out of neighbours houses!!

It sounds exhausting being so cautious tinsel. Or maybe I really am a bad mother! Off to basic parenting class for me then....

llangennith · 15/03/2017 23:23

I understand your concern but have you not got to know most of your DD's friends' mothers at the school gates?

scottishdiem · 16/03/2017 00:08

My mum was like you Misswiggy - Sometimes I am amazed I managed to get to adulthood given the overprotective nature of other parents compared to my own!

As long as the parent and child were known in the broad social circle of the school then it was never a problem. Parents gossip and if one place was unsuitable for a 5 year old, all the parents would know soon enough. If the child and parents are new to the area then invite them round.

Never bring a toddler unannounced. Thats just rude.

Also, one assumes you will not be hypocritical OP and never host a playdate where the other childs parents arent know to you. After all, you can be as dangerous as you think other people will be. Of course, how you then actually build trust with other parents becomes problematic. Three person interview panel maybe?

purpleshortcake · 16/03/2017 00:16

This happened to me recently. I feel you need to make sure your daughter feels comfortable in the house (they could have pets she was scared of etc) so I would say you'll drop her round and is it ok to stay for a coffee to make sure she settles in. If you and your daughter feel comfortable then you can drink your coffee quickly and leave her for an hour or 2. It's not really fair on your daughter to leave her in an environment you haven't even seen even if they do seem nice people

PinkCrystal · 16/03/2017 00:20

Yanbu

I was the same with my boys. They only went to people they knew aged 4/5/6. If I wasn't happy I made excuses. Just say she isn't used to going anywhere without you but maybe can meet at park/soft play or whatever. If people judge then so what.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/03/2017 11:30

have you not got to know most of your DD's friends' mothers at the school gates?

Not always possible for working parents, sadly llangennith. I barely know anyone at my DC's school as I only pick up twice a week and never drop off.....

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