To despise living alone??

[Toobloodytired]

Posting here for traffic.

Have just moved to a 2 bed flat ready for the birth of my baby next month.

Family helped & stayed for a bit afterwards, now I'm alone & actually just want to sit & cry!

I've got the tv on solely for background noise but honestly I hate not living with another adult!

Just want to pack my stuff back up & move back in with my dad --I'm 26 btw so am too old to be living with daddy! And of course having a baby soon!

Tell me il get used to it, this is the first time I've had my own place but on my own, completely without anyone else!

I absolutely loved living on my own - I was lucky enough to be able to buy a small flat as a student because of an inheritance, and lived alone for 18 years. I sold up and moved in with my DP two years ago, and I found it a massive adjustment. One of the stipulations when we were looking was that we needed an extra room (spare bedroom, dining room, study, whatever) that meant we could have our own space if needed.

Laura, the reason I assume most people don't is because most people don't, if that sentence isn't too poorly constructed to make sense!

Only 13% of the population live alone. Out of these 13%, 59% are aged over 80. It's possible to deduce they are living alone due to having lost a spouse.

Now, obviously, out of the remaining 87% living with someone, many will be desperately unhappy and dreaming of a life alone. I understand this. But still, the indication is that living with someone is something the overwhelming majority of people do and therefore is preferable, for companionship, for elevation of financial pressures and for pleasure.

Admittedly it's not for everyone, and there is a chance that you won't get used to it, but I did, here's a brief list of some of the things I loved about it (and almost miss living with DH):

Things will always be exactly where you left them (until your baby is moving about).

There is an intense sense of smuggery about being entirely self sufficient. I remember getting home from work and cooking a lovely three course me, just for me.

No one there to comment on my weird food combinations.

Good luck!

I started living alone when I was 21. I thought I'd find a flat mate easily but I didn't and then just got used to it. It took a while but I ended up loving it, especially weekend mornings when I could just chill for a while! Having the tv or radio as background noise was essential though. The only thing I hated was eating meals alone at the weekend.

If you have baby in with you, have you thought of having a lodger?

I have shared with lodgers several times to help with the mortgage and if picked with care, they can be great.

When my ex first left, I snuggled in bed with a book or the tv every evening when the kids went to bed. Weekends I visited friends or family. That helped me transition to being alone in the house. I love living alone now.

actually single person households are the fastest growing type of households in the UK lavender, even with the disproportionate rises in housing costs over the last few years.
See we can all use carefully selected data to prove our points!

I would rather be happy living alone than unhappy living with a partner. Not to say all people living together are unhappy of course, but I think you only have to spend a few hours on MN to see that there are lots of people who would probably be happier living separately but are too worried about finances/people's opinions/the effect it might have on children, etc. All of which are valid concerns!

Your feelings are probably tied up as much with everything else that's going on in your life right now. You're going through some big changes!
I would just keep as busy as possible - throw yourself into decorating, getting stuff ready for the baby, seeing friends, bulk cooking, etc. so you don't have a chance to feel lonely.

I guess it's the night time that bothers me the most, noises, hearing people shout scares the shit out of me!

My mum lives 1.1miles exactly from me, which is AMAZING, it's the closest we've lived together in 10 years!

I also happen to live bang smack in the middle of the village, I've got a supermarket outside my bedroom window! I live on the high street above the shops so this location is absolutely perfect for me!

Always been a massive pussy when it comes to night time, I didn't start sleeping with the light off until last year

I'm spending tomorrow morning putting things where I'd like them, I've got my 9 year old brother coming to stay tomorrow night, I've 3 so I can always have company.

Only downside is I am 50 years from a pub so of course the bloody noise!

The flat itself is perfect for me, it's got everything me and the baby need, I feel quite proud given the fact all my ex used to say is "you'd be screwed without me", so yeah i am a bit smug given the fact, he's still living at home with mummy!

I went on AL at work in February & started Mat leave Monday.

Time has flown and i wonder how I've managed to keep myself busy these last so many weeks as it's bloody boring!!

I guess I need to look at the positives!

I've got my own space
I can sit in the living room as opposed to my room (dad watches tv all the time)
I don't have to share my bathroom
I can walk around naked if I want
The food in the cupboards is mine and I don't have to worry about people eating it!
I can be as loud or as quiet as I choose!

I don't have any immediate neighbours, I'm at the end of the block, the flat next door is empty.

There are only 4 flats along here.

I'd love to get a lodger but I'd be so picky!

You would be right to be picky, but l gained three fantastic friends from my lodgers!

My rules were, no party animals, peace and quiet in the flat from 10pm weeknights and 11pm weekends.

Rules about cleaning rota, food buying,shower times if sharing the bathroom.

Advance warning of friends over, no friends staying overnight without agreements.

Maybe l was lucky ....the rent was a godsend too

sorry, I made a mistake, it's one of the fastest growing types but not the fastest. However I think Lavendar's data is still either incorrect or unclear - while the proportion of the population living alone might be 13% this includes everyone - i.e children under 18, prisoners, people in nursing homes, students, etc.

However when you consider it in terms of households in 2015 (according to ONS) there were 27.0 million households in the UK, and 7.7 million UK households living alone - so 28.5%.

And of the remainder, not all are going to be nuclear two parent couples or families. They'll include a lot of people who are living with others in less than ideal circumstances, including lots of people in their late teens/20s who can't afford to move out, older people who have lost their independence, people sharing with flatmates, etc.

Also, of the 7.6 million living alone in 2014, 4.1 million were aged 16 to 64. That's 54% under 65 so not sure how your 59% over 80 works...

Lavender your stats and reasoning imply that 87% of population are in relationships or house sharing because they don't like living alone. But we don't know that. There are a multitude of reasons why people live with others or live alone. That doesn't mean most people don't like living alone. It just means most people live with someone else, doesn't mean they like it! There are plenty of people housesharing because they could never afford to live alone, whether they wanted to or not.

Like I said before I don't disagree that some people will prefer to live with someone else but I just think it's wrong to assume that most people do without any facts to back it up.

This will all be about personal preference, some people will hate it but, I chose to do it for 5 years & bloody loved it. Give it time, the ambience of your own vibe & not having someone banging on about inane topics, whilst you're watching a film is so good

I've got my own space
I can sit in the living room as opposed to my room (dad watches tv all the time)
I don't have to share my bathroom
I can walk around naked if I want
The food in the cupboards is mine and I don't have to worry about people eating it!
I can be as loud or as quiet as I choose!

^ this! Hold on to these thoughts, keep adding things to the list!

I don't like it and nor do most people.

This is a silly generalisation with no basis.

It's most likely impossible to tell whether most people like to live alone or do not like to live alone, as enough people never get the chance to find out.

The cost of housing is such that lots of people cannot afford to live alone, so they end up always living with family or housemates or a partner.

Most people probably have a hierarchy

Living with your parents
Living with a partner
Living with friends
Living with flatmates who are not friends
Living as a lodger

Living alone may be more desirable than all of these or less desirable than all of these, but most likely it's "better" than some and "worse" than others.

Make sure you've got places to go when the baby arrives. Ask your health visitor for information about post natal groups, feeding and parenting groups etc.
There will also be loads of activities for you and a baby like swimming, baby yoga, library song time. Start finding out.
Having social interaction during the day and making your home as cosy as possible for you and your baby will help you to adjust.

When I moved out on my own I started writing a journal, just for some focus. I was 23, a single mum to a 4 year old and had never lived alone before. One of the first things I wrote was a list of positives, which I added to whenever I thought of things. Your list is a really good start! I also wrote down my thoughts and feelings, planned things to do. I found it really useful and still have it now 8 years later to look back on.

There were parts of living alone that I actively enjoyed, some totally unexpected. Mainly though it was just "making the best of it". The best tip I have though is really try to make at least one room your sanctuary. Mine was my bedroom because I love sleeping and snuggling into bed, but I know for others it has been the kitchen if they're a keen cook for example. I bought soft comfy bedding, put up pictures that I liked, had lots of home comforts. Then any time I felt lonely it helped to know that this space was all mine.

OP This is so different for women and for men that I can bring nothing to the party except on the baby.

This is so different for women and for men

Would you care to elaborate?

Andrew, genuinely wondering what you mean. Are you going to come out with some vacuous generalisation about women being social butterflies and men being solitary in their man caves?

Well, only having been a man I can't be sure, but them neither can you! But having lived alone for four years my digs, although I made them as comfortable as I could, never seemed like home; they were where I slept and kept my goods and chattels.

Tell me I'm wrong if you want, if I was the sort of man who can't bear a woman telling him he's wrong I wouldn't be on MN on the first place, would I?

Add to your list that you won't have to worry about the noise of your baby disturbing anyone else.

I was stupid with my first baby. Whenever he woke at night I got up and BF him in the lounge so as not to disturb DH who was asleep in our bedroom.... Totally exhausting.

With DS2 I told DH that I was BF him in our bed and if he didn't like it, he was the one who would be on the sofa.

Similarly, whenever toddler DS would wake for the day at 4.30am grrrrr I would immediately bound out of bed and take him to the lounge so as not to disturb DH (I got lie-ins at the weekend as well as naps to make it fairer). Whereas if we'd been living by ourselves I'd have just let the toddler play in my bedroom whilst I dozed in bed.

But what point are you making? I'm not 'telling you you're wrong' at all, just asking what you mean. You've said that living alone is different for men and women but not said why you think so. From your last post, are you saying women are better at making homes in new places?

Sorry, that was to Andrew.

OP, you wouldn't be human if this didn't feel like a huge step, just before you have a baby. Give yourself time. Sorry if I've missed this, but is your ex the baby's father, or are you not in a relationship?

I'd try to change your thinking from 'being alone', to having your own space.

From the sound of it, your family is supportive of each other, so your not alone, as such.

I agree with gathering ideas for daytime stuff to do, once the you're recovered from the birth. It'll be summer, so a good time of year.

At eight months pregnant, its instinct to want a Partner/relative around. But as you say, your Mums now close and your Brothers on tap, they probably see it as an adventure, coming to stay.

Just keep active, walking/swimming etc, it'll help with the birth, as well as in other ways.