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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being selfish?

60 replies

ZanStable · 15/03/2017 10:46

It's my first mothers day with my new DS and I wanted to spend mothers day with him and OH having a tea party. However my OH has now asked his mother over which is nice of him but I feel a bit sad that my other two children are not here (they are 20 and 18 and at Uni) and DS was an unexpected arrival. The week after is my OH birthday followed by his mum's birthday so was going to make a special fuss for her then. Plus my own mother is hundreds of miles away so does not seem fair that we treat one but not the other. I really wanted a small thing just 3 of us having sandwiches and cake and tea but I feel now I will have to focus on my mother in law and I guess I am a bit upset about that. I feel selfish and rotten for thinking it would have been nice not to have to share the day and for once have the focus on me but I will not stop his mother coming and she is lovely but very much a centre of attention person so worry I will get lost and forgotten about as this happens a lot in our family .which is why I asked weeks ago for just a special afternoon tea for myself. Am I being selfish for being a bit upset about sharing the day?

OP posts:
MrDacresEUSubsidy · 15/03/2017 13:46

I don't understand why you are getting a hard time here - unless people have misunderstood your original post and thought that you were unhappy about your OH seeing his Mum at all on MD?

I don't think YABU. It doesn't sound as if you ever get a day that is 'yours', yet you invest time and effort into other people's days. Some posters might not be bothered about 'event days' but others will be - there's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of recognition now and again.

You've commented that your partner will expect you to wait on him and MIL, that you want him to get his "lazy bum into gear". Have you actually sat him down and told him how you feel - that you get overlooked and you'd like a couple of hours just for you? Is he generally lazy, or is this just a one-off?

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 15/03/2017 13:48

Oh and I love afternoon tea BTW so I don't think it sounds silly at all. I think it's rather sad that you asked your partner for an afternoon that would just be the 3 of you, yet he's not willing to make the effort.

I think you have already suggested a good compromise; spend time with MIL in the morning and do something nice with her, then you can go and have your afternoon tea for 3 later on.

mumonashoestring · 15/03/2017 14:47

I am looking for somewhere nice to take his mother

Why?

Seriously, either you tell him what you want - properly, no dropping hints or being all veiled and coy about it - and leave him to get on with it, or you accept that you're allowing your needs to be consistently overlooked.

emilybrontescorset · 15/03/2017 16:37

I second booking somewhere for afternoon tea.
There are lots of offers on Groupon at the moment.
Why not tell your on to book for all of you?

Chewbecca · 15/03/2017 17:27

gabs Mothering Sunday in the UK is a Christian celebration actually falling 3 Sundays before Easter for christians. Father's Day is made up

Razz1eDazz1e · 15/03/2017 17:45

OP - there is no need for drama here all. Send your own mother a card and flowers. Go out for afternoon tea to a hotel or somewhete nice and take MIL. She is your DH's mother and he would feel awful if she was in her own. Just all go out and enjoy the day!

picklemepopcorn · 15/03/2017 17:58

As long as he does all the extra preparation for the treat he has arranged for his mum, then that is fine. Drop lots of treats about how much you are looking forward to him looking after you both. Make clear you will not be so much as making a cup of tea. Generously offer to pick up extra shopping when you go, if he lets you know what supplies he needs for his event.

FumBluff1 · 15/03/2017 18:21

Its a shame you feel the way you do, but I do understand why he wants to see his Mum

HerBluebiro · 16/03/2017 11:44

Yes chewbecca but it is not a Christian celebration of mothers. It is a day for people who work away to return home to their mother churches. Ie their home one where family is. (It is still 'made up' of course. It is not a day in nature).

The us has a 'mother's day' for the celebration of mothers. And mothering Sunday has taken on some of those features. Especially as the UK becomes more secular.

gamerchick · 16/03/2017 15:58

I dunno I feel for you a bit OP, does your bloke never make you feel special ever? These days can feel magnified when they suck the rest of the time.

Do not under any circumstances look for somewhere to treat his mother. It's his plan, he can sort it.

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