To leave everything to ds1?

[SharkiraSharkira]

I am thinking about making a will, not because I'm ill or anything I just feel like it's time to do the responsible and grown up thing and sort one.

I don't have much of value, and this is not likely to change unless I win the lottery! However I do have a small amount and a few sentimental items such as wedding rings etc that I would like to leave.

I have 2 ds' but I was thinking about the possibility of leaving everything to ds1 because ds2 is severely disabled and is not likely to ever be independent or in control of his own affairs/finances etc. I would feel a bit mean leaving everything to ds1 but in reality ds2 will not be able to make use of anything I leave him whereas ds1 would. At the same time I don't want to come across as a heartless bitch for not giving anything to ds2. Wibu?

I'm in your situation.
First of all, there are financial products, Family Income Benefit, that will provide for DS2 in the event of your death, mine will provide index linked annual income to cover my daughter's enormous care needs plus accompanied holidays and access to expensive technology equivalent to £70,000 as of today. It is quite costly at £52 per month.
Secondly, I have a Will with Discretionary Trust that enables the Trustees to pay sums of money to meet her needs but because she does not have direct access to the money, it does not leave her ineligible for state benefits.

My Will was more expensive than the standard but worth it for peace of mind. I really recommend you speak to a solicitor who specialises in Wills and Trusts and to a Chartered Independant Financial Advisor with experience in this field.

You need excellent legal advice to set up a trust for your DS2. Some are written badly and the local authority will consider this as savings and will go towards his care. However, a watertight trust with an solicitor who is experienced means any money for your DS2 will not be included in themLA financial assessment. There's also an issue with his benefits as he will lose them all. It's such a faff. I'd recommend looking into trusts.

Op I had relative with LD in care and had so much money they had to keep spending it to keep it under the threshold, I believe he was left v small inheritance but he was looked after in benefits. No matter how much I try I just can't begin to get my head around this attitude to money and benefits. I would give EVERYTHING I had to pay for my family's care, spending it so it was below a certain level in order to claim benefits wouldn't even be a consideration.

Totally agree with light drizzle
We have appointed trustees for our son and they will make decisions on how money is spent and care of ds etc.
You need a specialist will and a legal expert experienced in this area.
Then your child can still have his share without it affecting benefits.

Leggit do you have much experience of people who need care? It's incredibly stressful and complex when people lose their benefits multiple times a year (because they are slightly over the threshold) and then it's need to be re-applied for again. The individual has to go through stressful facetoface assessments.

I know who I would want to look after them before 18, beyond 18 my options are limited for ds2. It would be a case of either my dsis or ds1. If neither were willing/able he would have to go to some sort of care facility.

I have no doubt whatsoever that ds1 would look out for his brother and include him in his life. He is a very kind and thoughtful boy. I just don't want him to feel obligated to give up his potential lifestyle/career/etc to care for ds2. As mean as that sounds, I want ds1 to have a full life. Obviously I want that for ds2 too and will provide it for him as long as I can.

Looks like I will definitely need some sort of legal support. It's all a rather depressing minefield.

Please do not expect your DS1 to take on DS2. It happened in our family and a relative 'inherited' her brother when she was 19. She had no opportunity for a career, no opportunity for a family of her own, and when he passed away when she was in her early fifties, she was cut off from her carers payment with no work history and no savings. It, quite frankly, ruined her life. Make provisions for your DS2 that do not expect DS1 to take on a carers role.

Sorry Zachy will post some links.

I just don't want him to feel obligated to give up his potential lifestyle/career/etc to care for ds2

That's why I said this midnite! I don't want that life for ds1.

www.housingandsupport.org.uk/documentdownload.axd?documentresourceid=26

It's worth talking to CAB about this as a free starter. Life cover really is very reasonable - often less than £10 a month - and would set your kind at rest a little.

Yes, seven is right. A discretionary trust is the standard way to provide for someone with LD.
linky

Given you haven't got assets to put into a trust, that can go on hold for now.

The first thing to sort is a will with guardians for your children. You can then write a new one or add a codicil later.

For life insurance, if you're employed then you may be able to get it at a discount through work. You have to look carefully at trusts as I think there are tax breaks available if they are for disabled people but otherwise the tax charges can be extremely punitive if they aren't written correctly.

You have a big personal allowance for your estate: £325k I think, and as you're unlikely to be using more than that, the immediate would be low. Some types of trust then have 10-yearly tax payable, and the trusts pay tax on the income from their assets. Basically if you set one up you need to take legal advice from someone with experience in that field.

I hope things go smoothly for you.

Is DS2 ever likely to be able to live independently? If not then it would really be worth looking at options for residential places for him when he's older. If you die without anything in place then as well as trying to deal with his mothers death your DS1 will have to look around and try and find the best care for his brother.
I really would not expect him to take care of his brother, i know that you would like him to but it wouldn't be fair on him.

My thoughts are that the trustees / gaurdians are not going to take on full time care of disabled relative but would be there to make decisions on long term csre and hopefully visit when they could.. they would also make joint decisions on how best to use his inheritance thereby protecting him from financial abuse etc
I have a son who i have adopted with complex needs and do not expect my other children to take on that level of responsibility if he outlives me and dh.

P.s. as shakira has made clear in her case also re other son .
Love your user name btw!

DP is an accountant and works with solicitors sorting out wills and estates. The obvious solution is a trust for DS2, You will need a solicitor to get it right.

Separately, if DS2 is not likely to bele to make financial decisions, what will happen to him once he gets to 18? You will probably need to consider setting up a Deputyship.

You need advice from a STEP qualified solicitor.

zzzz if you had a child with severe learning dofficulties would you really expect your child without those difficulties to assume day to day responsibilities and care for their sibling once you had died? The child without those difficulties will have had to compromise throughout their childhood and as an adult they need to live without that responsibility. To take on the full time care of a sibling with such needs would mean them being limited in what choice they have to live their life. It's not fair to put that expectation on someone. If they choose to do it that's one thing, to expect them to is another altogether

Ahem,
Wolpertinger has pointed out something I forgot.

STEP, Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners. This is the branch of law that deals with wills, inheritance and trusts. A trust being a legal obligation for a person (or group of peple) who can betrusted to hold property or money and to use it according to the wishes of the person who created the Trust. They are very old bits of law that date back to the cruisades

No they don't HAVE to look after them, but they would be the first default for caring for them as your wishes are clear.
In practice DH and I have already asked both the first choice carers (my DPs) and the second choice carers - by BF - if they would be willing to do it in the event that both of us shuffle off together (without the kids, which is quite unlikely tbh).
They have considered it and said yes so there is less chance of them turning it down in the event.
The reason that we have a back up is if my parents are older by then and don't feel that they could do it.
I think it would be an incredibly bad idea to spring it on someone in the will reading!
Can you imagine?
"Here's Auntie Doris's wedding ring, a silver tea service oh, and her kids!"
Very likely to end in disaster if there's no prior warning.

How old are your DS op?

Institutionalized ?? Oh fuck off zzzzzz save your pity for the ones who have never known anything other than living at home with their parents then suddenly have their world ripped apart.

Not to mention the fact that people who have disabilities are also human, not some pet to be handed round, they also have the right to move on when they become adults just like everyone else does, it's natural progression. Oh and come back to me when you've been dragged through your house by your hair by a 6 ft 2, frustrated adult and let me know how much you'd be willing to sacrifice then.

Op, I think there's a provision that can be made whereby funds are used to access leisure activities, holidays etc. I think mencap have some literature that may be helpful.