Getting my teen to babysit?

[GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer]

I've just left my husband.
I usually do a class twice a week, in would leave the house at 7:30 and be back at 9:30
The younger children (5,6&8) would be asleep before I left.
I asked my mum if she could sit in sometimes so I can go and she said I should just leave my teenage boy with them since they're asleep.
He will be 16 in November.
I have left him with them asleep for 5 mins once to go to the shop at the top of the street.
He wouldn't leave his bedroom which is next to theirs.

I hadn't thought about doing that, is he old enough?

Bingowings
the final reply that I had to give him credit for was 'our morning would be going far more smoothly if some muppet would stop bloody texting me!!'

Love that what a star

Of course its ok if he is in the house anyway and kids are asleep what else are you going to do? If he doesnt have anything to do with the kids during that time except just being there he isnt actually working at all!

All this angst over a couple of hours, really? Families help each other out.

My teen could argue the hind legs off a donkey, could argue himself out of any household chores if he is of a mind to but when he is done waffling he still has to do it! Nothing to stop him helping out, I am not the general skivvy in the house, he makes the mess he can clean it up, put out washing, do dishes etc they arent all mine! If I can work and do everything else -cooking, washing, sorting laundry, taking him places, paying for his phone etc then he can muck in too sometimes.

Telling kids that they shouldnt ever help out in the home without being paid for it is setting them up for serious dissapointment in life. The world doesnt owe them a favour, its about give and take and treating people as you would want to be treated yourself.

Of course he is old enough. Payment in kind rather than money - so he babysits and you drive him into town or similar.

I'm more interested in how you get an 8 year old to be asleep by 7:30pm.

corythatwas
Should teens equally be given a choice about helping with the hoovering or dusting?

He created some of the mess, he didn't create his siblings.

I had a thread about this recently and the consensus was that it's fair enough, though a significant number of people felt my daughter should be paid (or should have been paid if my son weren't old enough to look after himself) and a tiny but vocal minority felt very strongly that siblings should never have to babysit.

My feeling would be that you can't exactly get in another babysitter with a 16 year old on hand, so as long as he's staying home anyway he should babysit and you should decide between you and him whether payment is required. If he ever wants to be out you need to get another babysitter without guilting him.

Babysitting is fine at 14+ and looking after younger ones is part and parcel of family life. However, if it were every Friday night (say) it would be taking the mickey - teens need a social life. My friend looked after her little brother pretty much every Saturday night from age 14 until she went to university and she missed out on stuff.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 15-Mar-17 17:48:23
corythatwas
"Should teens equally be given a choice about helping with the hoovering or dusting?

He created some of the mess, he didn't create his siblings."

I didn't create my parents' ornaments and had no interest in them.

Otoh many teens actually like their younger siblings and find they add value to their lives. I certainly did.

I think OP, as long as he is not missing any activities or sports that he wants to do that would be fine.
And I speak as someone who had to babysit every weekend and wasn't allowed to go out with friends. Wouldn't have dared to say no as I would have been hit by my mother. Gosh making me feel quite sad to write this, remembering.

Our eldest funded a trip to Russia through babysitting. It seemed reasonable to pay her nearly the same as we would pay other babysitters but it saved us forking out for the trip so win win and lesson in working increasing personal income.

corythatwas

But you did wear clothes that now need washing, eat off plates that are now dirty etc.

But the truth is that we could go around and around with this.

Yeah, but I always thought ironing clothes or bedlinen a complete waste of time. And actually didn't mind about the house being messy or dusty half as much as my mother did. So really I was asked to do chores not just for my own comfort (it would take a lot to make me uncomfortable) but for the general comfort of the family. And to help prepare the house for visitors even if they weren't visitors I was particularly interested in. Which actually doesn't seem all that unreasonable to me. Everything didn't have to be about me.

Hope all those saying he should just muck in and help with family life will do the same in return when you become grandparents. I provided daily childcare, after school pick ups and weekend baby sitting for a decade for my parents. Imagine how much that contributed to the family economic stability - never having to pay for childcare - but they won't do any childcare for me now. Childcare is the parents responsibility in my opinion, it's not the same as cleaning and contributing to maintaining the family home and surroundings, he didn't choose to have those kids to care for, you, the parent did. Care for your own kids or pay him to.

But MsGameandWAtch - he's not actually doing anything. The younger ones are already asleep, in bed, when the OP leaves. He is sitting in his room regardless of if the OP is there or if the younger dc were there. It makes no difference to him either way.

MsGameandWatch
Yep he is being taken advantage of no end.

There he is sitting on his arse in his room doing nothing more than watching tv/on some device while his siblings sleep, call SS its child abuse!

You are projecting YOUR experience and expectations onto the boy, its not the same at all.

Willow2017

You are projecting YOUR experience and expectations onto the boy

Isn't that what everyone is doing?

Mrsgame is angry because her parents are not helping her out now. She did this daily and weekends for years and is resentful she is getting nothing back which is pretty crap but that's her parents not op.

This is only twice a week for a course not forever. I

Her tone is accusatory op isn't taking advantage the ds is there doing nothing anyway and he doesn't have to do anything. It's a completely different situation yet she is comparing it to her being used 7 days a week by her parents. It's not ops fault her parents did what they did l.

But MsGameandWAtch - he's not actually doing anything. The younger ones are already asleep, in bed, when the OP leaves. He is sitting in his room regardless of if the OP is there or if the younger dc were there. It makes no difference to him either way.

Exactly. We popped out last night for some Sushi and left our 14.5 year old in charge. We were less than a mile away, his siblings were in bed and we were out for just over an hour. When we left he was on Facetime to his friend, when we returned he was on Facetime to his friend. I imagine that it was an extremely onerous babysitting job that took total advantage of his place in the family and ate terribly into his plans for the evening and he deserved to be paid for it.

Of course not! He's going to a friend on Saturday night. We are going out. We've booked a babysitter, we wouldn't dream of asking him to change his plans to babysit but if he's home sitting on his bed on Facetime and his siblings are asleep there's absolutely no reason for him not to keep an ear out for them for an hour.

"Accusatory". Who am I accusing? And of what exactly?

Willow2017

Mrsgame may be angry because etc.

I dislike the answer "because family", I also dislike the expectation" that he should do it, and that "nothing will happen".

My view is as valid as yours and Mrsgame, and we all project from our past,