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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting my teen to babysit?

70 replies

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 14/03/2017 20:24

I've just left my husband.
I usually do a class twice a week, in would leave the house at 7:30 and be back at 9:30
The younger children (5,6&8) would be asleep before I left.
I asked my mum if she could sit in sometimes so I can go and she said I should just leave my teenage boy with them since they're asleep.
He will be 16 in November.
I have left him with them asleep for 5 mins once to go to the shop at the top of the street.
He wouldn't leave his bedroom which is next to theirs.

I hadn't thought about doing that, is he old enough?

OP posts:

harderandharder2breathe · 14/03/2017 21:55

It's fine as long as he's comfortable with it and knows when to call for help and who to call if he can't reach you for some reason

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/03/2017 21:55

Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel

Nothing "snotty" about my comment, you chose to have children. What are you going to do to encourage your child to look after your other children?

Or are you just going to tell him that he has to do it and breed the resentment that honeylulu points to?

SnookieSnooks · 14/03/2017 21:55

Yeah.... he's old enough. At that age, he should be helping you, and that would be a great help.

Chocolatecake12 · 14/03/2017 22:05

We all have a responsibility to teach our children some responsibility.
If we pick up after them, cook for them, clean for them and never ask them to do various jobs, reaching them along the way then how are they ever going to become responsible adults.
Yes we look after our children as parents. It's our job and we are happy to do it. But asking a teenager to babysit his younger siblings is a great opportunity to give him some responsibility, what if something does happen and he needs to call a neighbour? Or 999? Then you know you've taught him the right thing to do and he's been able to do it!
It's life lessons, we need to bring up our children to be able to be capable adults who can do things for themselves.

Chocolatecake12 · 14/03/2017 22:05

Teaching not reaching

BackforGood · 14/03/2017 22:08

Of couse he is old enough, and if he's in his room anyway and they are already in bed, then he isn't putting himslf out and wouldn't need to be paid either.

corythatwas · 14/03/2017 22:10

honeylulu Tue 14-Mar-17 20:39:54
"Because parents are responsible for the children they bring into the world.
My parents used me as a free babysitter in my teens and I hated it."

But I hated dusting and ironing (both of which I saw as pointless tasks) and loved looking after my little brother.

So why should the OP be guided by your feelings rather than by mine?

In our family we like to give a helping hand when we can. I might ask ds to run to the shop and get something I forgot, his sister might help him with a job application, he might ask me to help a friend (whom I am not responsible for). Dc know that we like to go the extra mile, so they don't object to doing the same themselves if asked.

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 14/03/2017 22:12

Why shouldn't they have "chips on their shoulders"?

Because they have no reason to. Any kid who massively resents having to help out a bit with their own family is a horribly spoiled brat who needs a reality check.
You don't treat them like an au pair, but in a normal family everyone does chores, and older ones minding younger ones is just another family chore.

corythatwas · 14/03/2017 22:14

Why does everybody (on this and other threads) assume that looking after siblings will make every teen under the sun more resentful than any other task they might be asked to do. Surely if you happen to have a lazy teen, looking after a sibling who is already snoozing in bed on a night when you had to be in anyway is pretty well the cushiest job that can be invented?

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 14/03/2017 22:17

Not everybody, obviously.

corythatwas · 14/03/2017 22:19

True, TheOnlyLiving; I should have excepted you and one or two other posters.

SpiritedLondon · 14/03/2017 22:21

I imagine a kid if this age would have no problems babysitting young siblings, particularly as they will be asleep. ( the best sort of babysitting). I would expect him to do this for a pizza or takeaway etc rather than cash. I only have 1 DD4 so I won't have this issue but I am keen for her to know that the three of us are " Team Spirited" and we all have to do things for the " team" even when we personally may not wish to do them. For her that's little tasks like setting the table or running upstairs to fetch things when I can't be bothered. . As a teenager I had to babysit for 2 much younger siblings. I do remember an argument with my DM when she arranged to go out at the weekend and didn't ask me to babysit, and I had been invited to a party. So I think overall my advice would be to ensure your DS is OK with the dates and times but to crack on.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 14/03/2017 22:31

I think it's fine if he is happy too and is being paid.

Having to do so simply because he's been told to is wrong, he's not their parent and shouldn't be responsible for them.

Children should be able to tidy up after themselves but everything else is down to the adults. They shouldn't have to work simply to be parented i.e. lifts to friends etc.

Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel · 14/03/2017 22:35

BoneyBackJefferson

Um... I'm not sure you're reading my posts... what else should I do other than an 'ey up mate, need to pop out later, are you in for your bro?'

Thankfully my kids kind of get on (in a sibling sort of way) and it's never been an issue. As I mentioned earlier my 16 year old often helps his big sis out with her two these days... back in the day she often took him to places/looked after him at home as an unpaid babysitter. My youngest is also a brill hands on uncle who allows his big sister to have a shower in peace while he entertains her little ones.

It's not rocket science, or child labour or any of those things. It's my family who genuinely don't see helping each other out as an issue. I appreciate it may not have been like that for others on this thread but please don't project that onto my life.

In a similar vein I often look after my grandchildren... give and take innit?!

YolandiFuckinVisser · 14/03/2017 22:39

DS babysits DD sometimes. I pay him but not as much as he gets babysitting other children. My neighbour pays him £5 an hour for sitting her 3 boys. If he sits with DD he gets a pizza and a fiver. He is nearly 16.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/03/2017 07:03

Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel

You say that its give and take, something I agree with, but your "give" is parenting and "take" is babysitting. For some it works that way.

Others, because its a favour, "give" a favourite food or some spending money.

I generally object because of the "it's family", when It should be a choice that the child/teenager should be able to make.

corythatwas · 15/03/2017 09:50

Should teens equally be given a choice about helping with the hoovering or dusting? I never asked my mum to have carpets or keep ornaments- why shouldn't she be responsible for those? In this manner, I could have argued my way out of all housework when I was 17, with the possible exception of cooking (but then I always enjoyed that).

halcyondays · 15/03/2017 09:57

he's old enough and if they're in bed, it's not likely he'll have to do much.

Notso · 15/03/2017 10:28

I'm not sure I see giving 16 year old DD a lift to somewhere she could walk/bus/train/taxi to as parenting. She is old enough to travel safely unaccompanied and gets more than enough money to pay for transport.
If she asks for a lift its usually because it's raining, she is trying to save money or she CBA waiting for a bus. It's rarely because she has no other way of getting to/from wherever it is.
This is totally different to our 6 and 4 year olds who need to be supervised and don't have any of their own money.

jojo2916 · 15/03/2017 11:07

Nearly 16 , of course that's ok, and of course you don't have to pay him every time, families help each other out! I'm sure he'd appreaciate the extra pocket money if doing it regularly though

tovelitime · 15/03/2017 11:12

My 14 year old babysits if he's in and I get a babysitter if he's out. I certainly don't pay him - his siblings are asleep and he knows what to do in an emergency. It's part and parcel of being in a family. If he can't babysit for free then perhaps I can't be his taxi service available on demand and with little notice. As it happens he has never asked to be paid and I seriously doubt that he would ask.

LuxCoDespondent · 15/03/2017 11:19

He's old enough, so as long as you can come to an arrangement with him over reimbursement for his work then there should be no problem.

blackteasplease · 15/03/2017 12:17

Love that bing

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 15/03/2017 12:49

Having to do so simply because he's been told to is wrong, he's not their parent and shouldn't be responsible for them

He's not a cleaner and shouldn't have to do chores then, or help in the house at all?

Raising teens to have this attitude will bite you in the ass.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 15/03/2017 13:15

I leave mine with my 18 yo, if it's for longer than an hour or so he gets paid, otherwise it's usually popping out quickly. It's not like they need looking after really, just an adult there.
The youngest is 9 so he's not having to change nappies or anything.

If your DS isn't doing anything on those nights then I don't see why he can't keep an eye out for his sleeping siblings. Easiest job ever!

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