Am I denying my child a better future

[LoriD]

I am very confused at the moment so back story been with DP 10 years, not married and have one dc. I currently have a degree but due to lack of experience in that area I've struggled to get a job from it. At the moment I'm in a comfortable part time job that allows me to live ok and see dc a lot. We currently private rent in a small 2 bed house which is a bit mouldy and needs repairing etc.

So I decided to apply to do another degree which includes lots of placements and will set me up with a career for life. I just attended the final interview and so will find out in may if I got a place. So I've a dilemma

1. Go to uni which may take 2/3 years, leave work and stay out in this rented house. However, will end up with a career I'll love and will benefit from in the long term.

1. Don't attend uni yet and have another baby, save for a wedding and buy our own house at the start of next year.

I could easily apply for uni at a later date but with two children it won't be so easy and the application process if so difficult that I can't believe I've just been through it.

My dp has suggested if I get into uni then he will get a house in his name only which i am strongly against so I said no, he has stated then he will go and get a house on his own name anyway ( I do not want to be in that position at all). Plus he won't get as good a house as if we both applied together.

So what do I do.

How old are you op? Does that have any bearing on when you have another child?

I'm in NI so I don't think that applys here but thank you anyway and I'm 26

Do it op. I've just graduated from a masters in social work and started my career. Plenty of my course mates had young children.

I'm sorry but I don't think he is very supportive.
Why would he only put his name to a house just because you are studying?

Do you want another baby? It seems from your OP it's one scenario or the other whereas there could be several others you've yet to look at.

I'd do 1

I would do the degree before having another child. Can you get a part time job whilst at uni, even just a Saturday evening in a bar, therefore giving you an income and allowing you to be on the mortgage application?

I am 100% with you on not living in a home I have no claim over and would strongly suggest getting married if you plan to have another child.

You're young. Do the degree. And check it out re the mortgage. Of course your name can be on it too...even if you're a student and can't contribute at the moment.

Thank you so much for all the info, if I get into the degree I will progress forward with it and see about weekend or evening jobs so I can contribute to the mortgage and if not I will get my name on it regardless.

As you are 26, I probably would do the course. If you were 34 or so then definitely not.

Lori i had no income at all when we got the mortgage for our last property, it's garbage you need to be earning to contribute. Do 1) it is NEVER easier to do the studying later, with more DC ime. Also you can have a second baby when you've got all the upheaval behind you, career established, some experience in it, got enough tax history to get SMP - everything will be more settled.

wow - i wish there was an edit - earning for your name to be on the house deeds!

Why would you want to save up for a wedding and a house with a partner who seems, at best, lukewarm towards his future with you and his child, and isn't supportive of your career?

Do the degree. Do it before having the second child because much more of your time will be taken up afterwards if you don't. Get married too. It doesn't have to be an expensive wedding if you don't want one or can't afford it.

I am sure you can be on the deeds of the house as owning 50% of the title "behind the scenes" so to speak, even if you at that stage do not have the income to contribute to the mortgage.

I believe you can also be on the mortgage too, though could be wrong there. I was a SAHM for many years and always on all of our deeds and mortgages, even though not contributing to them in monetary terms. I viewed the fact that I had to give up my fairly well paid career due to childcare costs etc. as my part of the bargain.

Bringing up children and studying in order to further your career is also a valid contribution to the household, even though it limits your income at the time.

Do the course
Buy the house have you named on the mortgage
Get married at end of course have child 3-4 years after, you've loads of time left, you would still be looking at early 30s.

i agree topsey i'm sure I was on mortgage docs too there is no reason for you to be excluded. Also no need not to just go to a registry office if he's a great guy - you can save and have a big party later and have the security of being married now.

He's not trying to cut me out of a house we just don't have much knowledge on their stuff so assumed I couldn't be on it

Why are you trying to make decisions about your career and the rest of your life on the basis of something you haven't even researched your options on?

He is supportive but not enough to be patient for the OP to gain a qualification.

He is "hands-on" parent but would not want to repay mortgage for a maximum of 3 years until the OP graduates.

He is so supportive he wants a house and another child, even if it means the OP does not have financial independence.

NoLotteryWin, yes. If the partner's income multiples plus any other savings available for deposits etc. covered the mortgage and the other costs then there is no reason why an additional name (usually that of a wife, husband or partner) cannot be on all documentation.

OP, you need to do your research and you and your DP will both need legal advice when it comes to property purchase. I am sure he is a decent guy, but just lacking knowledge at the moment. Go with him to all appointments though.

You can be a named owner of the house, and if it is to be your family home then I would absolutely insist on that, in addition to getting married soon. That way you are well protected and much less likely to be left high and dry if things do go belly up (hopefully they won't).

He does want a house with me but if I'm at uni then I won't have a job, no proper income therefore can't do a joint mortgage application

I don't think this is correct, and that you can still do a joint mortgage application. In any case, the mortgage company will still want to see whether he has any dependants, which will be you (if at Uni) and Dc, so will obviously take this into account when making a mortgage offer to him.

An alternative may be to defer the uni place until next year, and get a mortgage while you're still earning a salary.

If it's a supported degree, I'm pretty sure that can count as an income.

I am on both the mortgage, and the deeds for DP and my house - despite having no official income at the time (early days freelancing, so no company accounts)

My BIL and my sister both bought a house when she had no job, and he was a PhD student (admittedly with a deposit from my parents) - Mortgage companies will grill you, but it all comes down to whether you can afford it. There's no reason that you should stay off the mortgage.

I am a SAHM, my name is on the mortgage along with DH's and the house belongs to both of us. Not earning is no reason to not be a half owner of the house.

While your child is young they really won't care about having a small bedroom. They will most likely be more interested in a garden or local park. It is when they are older that they start to notice. I'd go back to university now. I am guessing you are in your 30's so I would talk to students on Mumsnet about how they cope with children and a degree course as it may be possible for you to have a second child while doing your degree. Then the children would be older when you want to start your new career and you wouldn't have to worry about maternity leave etc. and with one child at school you would only have one set of childcare payments to worry about.

If your DP does buy a small house now, so what? You can sell it and get a larger one once you are earning more money.

A wedding doesn't have to be some grand expensive affair either. Again, post a thread here and plenty of people will have ideas for how you can have a nice, memorable, wedding that is not expensive.

For security reason I will not live In a house in which my name is not on as this leaves me vulnerable

Is it that much different to rented? If you're co-habiting or married you're more likely to have a claim on a house he owns than a rental. Presumably he thinks if you're not working the mortgage will need to be in his name? Get advice.

Our house is in my sole name. DH didn't leave me.

How part time is your current job, OP? Part time enough too fit around your proposed uni course, or not? Can the hours be flexible or re-negotiated to allow?

I know that isn't always possible, but all options need to be examined in detail.

I suggest that if you want to stay with him, get married now without a wedding that costs anuthing and just do it quickly. You have a child together.

I am not sure, but I think that if the house were in his name only before you get married, then he may have a right to keep it that way. I think perhaps a poster with legal knowledge would be better placed to say.
I have not rthft so maybe someone else has replied about this already.

Then you could do your degree.

Option 1.