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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get fed up with my DH taking days off University due to 'Illness'

56 replies

Mrspiggy456 · 14/03/2017 12:00

My DH is a full time University student. He was made redundant 4 years ago and after being unable to get work, he decided to go back into education and become a teacher. I was so proud of him for this, as it is something that would terrify me.
Now though, he only seems to be going 1-2 times a week. Sometimes he tells me 'it's only a lecture today and not assessed so I don't need to be there' but mostly he says it's due to illness. He's had chest infections and bad colds, now he's saying he has social anxiety. Today he's been due to go in for a meeting with his tutor, but he's had to rearrange that as he woke up with a numb face and has gone to the Doctor (it has apparently worn off now though) I don't mean to sound callous, but it all seems like excuses to me. But he won't talk about it when I try to discuss it with him

OP posts:
buttfacedmiscreant · 15/03/2017 02:29

If he is only going in once or twice a week on a regular basis could he get a part time job?

Graphista · 15/03/2017 02:37

I went back to uni as a mature student, I have a pretty robust immune system usually when it comes to bugs but I was ill for pretty much permanently I'll for first 6 months. I wasn't off much but it culminated in an asthma attack and a pretty bad case of pharyngitis ('teachers cough') that just would not go for weeks! It made me cough so hard I was vomiting!

Plus this time of year there's tons of bugs about.

I also have friends who are teachers who experienced the same when they started their probationary years (especially those in reception classes where the little darlings just LOVE to wipe their nose on teachers sleeve, cough right in teachers face without covering mouth and haven't quite got the hang of hand washing after the loo yet Grin)

Also stress and anxiety impair immune response so it could be a combination of the two! It can be a vicious cycle because also being physically ill can make you stressed/anxious.

He needs to go to GP get a full check up with focus on immunity, including vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Get good advice on supplements he can take and ways to boost his immune system. Low levels of certain vitamins & minerals also contribute to mh issues.

Does he smoke? Drink? Live on junk food? Exercise regularly? Drink enough in terms of hydration?

He could start eating more fruit, veg and whole grains, take vitamin & minerals supplements, probiotics (very good idea if he's had several courses of antibiotics). Do some light exercise.

The advantage of suggesting all this is you would be being proactive and supportive so if he's resistant then you can legitimately say 'are you serious about doing this?'

There is one aspect that's really worrying though, if he's not keeping up his attendance that could affect any funding he's getting and ultimately he could lose his place on the course altogether.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/03/2017 02:52

Two words for you OP.

Cock.

Lodger.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/03/2017 02:54

It's every excuse in the book and it doesn't seem to even bother him. He's not even worried about the impact of his lack of attendance.

Armadillostoes · 15/03/2017 04:54

Has he found the jump from college to university a shock to the system. Many students do and sometimes those who have done non-A level based courses even more so, as the style of teaching and assessment can be very different. Basically, is he struggling to cope and running away?

Not turning up to lectures because they are not assessed doesn't sound a good strategy. It depends on the course/individual, but is usually bad news.

HappenstanceMarmite · 22/03/2017 22:29

How's it going OP?

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