To think this is beyond creepy

[samanthajayne17]

So the other week I was in Asda ( about a 20-30 minute walk from my house depending on your pace) and I was waiting at a till and this man said to me 'hi, I see you at lot on xxxxxx lane I live just off there and I see you with your mixed race kids'
I saw oh ok (not knowing what to say) and he said his name is 'will'
So I was as polite as I could be and left after doing what I needed. Thought nothing of it. Anyway today I decided to go to Asda for a few bits with my baby son in his pram. I stopped to try play a song on my iPod as it wasn't working and I hear these keys rattle close behind me, so I turned my head this guy says 'hi we met in Asda the other week, I'm will.' And then just starts walking with me and chatting I didn't want to be rude so just listened and walked on. He was saying he sees me a lot with my husband and my kids and he saw us last time in Tesco. Now bear in mind we do go to a Tesco when my husband is off work in the car but this Tesco is a drive away, you cant just walk there, it's either a bus ride or car drive. Then he was like ' oh and I saw you in a park with your kids and your husband and i was having an argument with my mate because he says you cAnt possible have 'all them kids together' ( we have 5) but I was saying yes they are all your kids'
So there's me wondering and I ask him 'oh how do you see us so much then and notice us as me and my husband have never seen your before' he was like 'oh I see a lot of things and I have lived around here for 14 years'

I find this so weird. I feel like him and his mates stalk me and my husband. He does sound polite and friendly but isn't this just creepy?

OP, even if there is a reason he is being creepy, that does not mean you have to tolerate being made to feel uncomfortable!

I agree with the last post.when is trying to show sympathy or understanding of other possibilities rather than jumping to conclusions any sort of hate?

Tinsel twins you are correct but if there is a reason behind it perhaps she would be less fearful.

The OPs boundaries do not need to change just incase this person is inappropriate and has a diagnosis

OP you say you were trying to be as polite as possible and trying not to be rude. Fuck it, just be rude, he is.

Women are by and large socialised to be polite whereas men tend not to worry about these things but just manspread, invade people's space and don't worry about worrying other people. Yes, I know, not all men, some of them are lovely.

Be firm, be assertive, get him out of your space, don't worry about being polite.

Thanks everyone for your opinions.
My anxiety is though the roof now. At first I thought he was just being friendly then the more I thought about it I thought it was weird. I was with my baby at the time and how I feel guilty that I put him in danger or something and thinking what if he hurt my baby when I wasn't paying attention or something whilst walking. ( yes I'm probably being absolutely ridiculous) but I suffer pretty bad when anxiety and this is playing on me!!

My friend's child is autistic and remembers every thing - time and dates of events and where it was - photographic memory too.
He sounds like he is similar - being friendly and acknowledging your husband so not diving in.
I'd just smile when you see him and keep walking. If you're too busy to talk - tell him. If he has ASD he prob won't pick up on the social signals saying he's awkward or intruding.

As his social skills are so bad, you will have to be direct with him, he won't get the normal cues.

This man has given you no reason to think he will hurt you or your baby. He has just noticed you and can remember where he has seen you before. Yes, remembering exceptional amounts of detail can be a trait of autism, as can trying to make small talk and ending up accidentally saying something inappropriate.

If he approaches you again, explain that his behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and would he please leave you alone. If this is about poor social skills and theory of mind, he will probably just be concerned that he has accidentally upset you. It will also help him to know so he doesn't do this to anyone else.

it sounds far more like poor social skills than anything at all sinister.

I spend a lot of time in an area where random people walk up to you and just chat. That would not be an abnormal conversation at all (but referencing ethnicity would be weird)

It's nice.

Who says walking around your comunity ignoring everybody else is better than having random yet none offensive conversations with people.

For Fucks sake. Comparing him to someone with autism, Aspergers,SEN or simply someone socially inept is not a form of hate speech.
For me With the limited info op he has he sounds creepy and having been in a rather similar situation which ended in a court case I would be on my gaurd. However as some have been sensible in pointing out his manner maybe related to mental health issues, learning disabilities, special needs or just being himself. I work with people who have completed phds and have the social awareness of a bluebottle. Considering my own experience I would be cautious until I knew more about him. It really is using common sense rather than using 'disability hate speech'

He's not actually done anything wrong. He's been in the supermarket and the park and has said hello to someone he sees around the area a lot. He certainly hasn't done anything which even comes close to stalking or deserving 'Leave me alone' screaming at him. I don't know why him working at a University is strange either. Having worked at a University I can tell you that especially in science and engineering depts there are plenty of people who are on the spectrum working there (if this guy is) so I don't know why it's 'strange'.

All that's really needed here is a bit of assertiveness like saying, 'We're very busy and need to get on' or saying 'I have an important call to make' or just firmly walking away.

But I think labelling him a stalker for a bit of inept conversation is a massive overreaction.

OP is he the same ethnicity as you? I think he's singled you out as you're in a mixed relationship. Are mixed relationships or even non white people common in your area?
Sounds a bit weird to me. I would avoid and tell your OH.

Actually I would say labelling someone displaying signs of being on the spectrum as a stalker is far closer to hate speech than pointing out that the OP should be considerate that not all people interact the same way and it might be connected.

I often chat to a young lad local to me who I've discovered is on the spectrum. I met him because he wandered up to me once at a bus stop and started telling me in depth about the local public transport timetables. I immediately had a strong feeling that there was some sort of background on the spectrum so wasn't taken aback, mainly because I had read about things like this on MN. And I'm really glad I did because we're friendly now.

Oh dear. A post gets removed and then someone else copies and pasted it 😂😂😁😂😁

Ironically, I am on the spectrum and HATE people coming up and talking to me- especially complete strangers...

I asked for my post to be removed because I regretted violating my principle of not getting into the mud with the pig.

Look, if the behaviour is making op uncomfortable, then it is not right. Funny how he keeps showing up, when she is around, that would unerve me tbh. It does not matter if he has a disability or not, op does not have to talk to him, if it makers her feel uncomfortable. That behaviour would!

Just to point out I never mentioned autism or asbergers on my OP
I can't go round saying someone has this that and the other. The reason why I find it strange is because he places he has seen me as are all a distance away so they are not all 'local' to where we live. And at a park??? He has no kids so I find it strange that he would be at a kids play park. It's a playground so not an actual park you can go for walks. He thing is Aswell I only got to this Asda when my husband can't drive me to the Tesco or other store because he's working so he couldn't have seen me a lot
There are some maisonettes behind my house and you can see into their window and I think you can see though mine as well lol bags probably where he lives

OP don't ignore your instincts

Even if this man has SN, people with SNs can have the same spectrum of personalities as anyone else: some can be not nice people as well as having SN, it's perfectly possible to have SN and sinister motivations.

Its bollocks to say that everyone on the spectrum is by default innocent just odd, as if they're not capable of the same range of motivations as you see in the rest of society.

So if you're saying it's off that he has seen you away from home as well as near, and it doesn't feel like a coincidence, I believe you and think you should go with that and look after yourself!

I agree Samantha, all these assumptions, he could have a disability, he might not, lets assume he has not, as op has not mentioned any. It seems like he is going out of his way to follow her, and track her, and that would unnerve me. I would note down times and dates, it sounds very stalkerish tbh. Mabey phone 101, and tell them about it, and see what they say.

So don't make assumptions but then make the massive leap that he's tracking her? Riiiiight.

The OP chooses to go to the large Tesco, but it's out of the bounds of possibility that he could do the same. Or that his friend has a child or he was baby sitting? Both more likely than him following the OP.

Ring 101 and tell them that someone spoke to you?