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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just been fired. AIBU to think I'm missing something mentally that lets people work?

77 replies

IdiotGirl17 · 13/03/2017 12:58

I'm just shit at every job I try. Largely I think due to anxiety and dyspraxia. I can read something 100 times and not get it, won't even remember what it said in the previous sentence. I lose all confidence and faith in my ability to write even a simple email, and have to check facts in what I'm writing 20 or 30 times before I send it. Obviously all this makes me very slow so I keep pissing people off and getting let go.

Feeling very lost after starting off this morning feeling optimistic that I'd try to get better and improve. I don't know what to do. It seems like I will never not be poor, because I am a complete fuck up when it comes to work. I try so hard and mess up time and time again.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 13/03/2017 14:00

Agree with above. Your priority needs to find a field of work which you can manage (and hopefully excel). If that means starting on the minimum wage, so be it. And definitely let employers know about your dyspraxia so adjustments can be made.

JungleInTheRumble · 13/03/2017 14:05

You can't change who you are so you really need to try and change your situation. Would it be possible to go back to university and study something more vocational? There are loads of jobs and industries you could go into that aren't office based:

Vet nurse (I'm assuming you wouldn't want to spend the 5 years or so vets spend studying)
Dental nurse or hygienist
Hairdressing
Retail (yes it starts off low paid but you can work up)
Librarian
Teaching assistant
Estate agent
Call centre

Hmm can't think what else.

I agree that you should firstly change your username and also make an appointment to see your gp again to see if things can get moving any quicker. I don't know how much can be done about dyspraxia (not familiar with it sorry) but it doesn't sound like your anxiety is well controlled.

If it makes you feel any better there was a woman with dyspraxia at the office I used to work in. She was slower at doing tasks for sure but the effort that she put in was noticed by everyone and worked with her to help her, you just haven't found the right place for you yet.

Original poster

IdiotGirl17 · 13/03/2017 14:05

Thank you, all of you.

I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at university, so have a diagnosis. I do think my anxiety is a massive part of it - but it's like a chicken and egg situation. The demands of work instantly ramp up anxiety because I associate it with struggling hopelessly and then the cycle repeats.

I feel I do have to consider earning potential. I get PIP which I expect to lose at my review next year. This means I will lose an extra portion of housing benefit too, that I top my rent up with. I have been desperately trying to increase my earning potential to get ready for all this.

I don't think I actually have any skills at all really. Except that I'm a good enough actress to always do fairly well in interviews, so I seem to have had successes in securing jobs. Then I can't keep them because I haven't the right skills. But I have no other skills in place of those!

OP posts:

pallasathena · 13/03/2017 14:08

How about looking into training as a Special Needs Teacher? You'd have a natural empathy for the work going by what you've written here. You're honest, open, determined to do well...you could be an inspiration to others OP.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 14:10

You got to university, and that took quite a bit of skill. If you also have a degree, all the more so. Not everyone can do that, you know!

I get a strong sense that this is about self-belief and not about any deficiency in your skills.

If you could do ANYTHING, what would you want to do?

Verbena37 · 13/03/2017 14:10

Sorry to hear that.
Did they give you fair warning?
Perhaps, as others have said, a more hands on type job, with less writing and reading might be more suited to you....and might be more fun and less stressful at the same time.
Something like a waitress, sales assistant, school cook, gardener etc?

The80sweregreat · 13/03/2017 14:11

Special needs teacher or a TA? You must have a degree, so your certainly not an idiot!
Which degree do you have?

Original poster

IdiotGirl17 · 13/03/2017 14:13

I have an English degree. It took me a long time to complete it, because of episodes of ill health and the dyspraxia was at work behind the scenes. Got diagnosed trying to do a Masters which I never completed.

OP posts:

humourless · 13/03/2017 14:13

Have you considered acting?

I say that half in jest, but joining a local group could get you connections and improve your confidence.

And fucksticks what a crappy start to the week.

RachelRagged · 13/03/2017 14:14

I noted you have some temping retail . . If you can, try to volunteer at a charity say, only for few hours a week or that . . I did that and do you know what ? I far far prefer retail to the drudge of admin in an office . They taught me the till as well which I had never worked before .

Good Luck. . Admin really is not for everyone

morningconstitutional2017 · 13/03/2017 14:17

Do you think maybe that being over-anxious makes things worse? Can you get some help with a counsellor? Support may be the way to go - if you have someone to talk to it may help. Sorry you feel like this.

RachelRagged · 13/03/2017 14:18

Forgot to add .

They will also, of course over time, be prepared to write a reference for you too .

Re the acting as somebody said , ,good idea . I am thinking of joining an Am Dram group , , if you are near me we could go together . Ill probably be crap but who knows .

The80sweregreat · 13/03/2017 14:18

I would imagine that office work is much more pressured than years ago with new technology to grasp and lots more reading - the days of doing the filing or opening the post are mostly gone. I know i couldnt cope with office work these days.
Did you have in mind which job you wanted with your degree? might be worth asking in the library if they know of any career advisors or point you in the right direction a bit more.

Original poster

IdiotGirl17 · 13/03/2017 14:23

I had a stupid creative career in mind with my job that obviously hasn't worked out. I don't even discuss it anymore, it was a pipe dream and I was young and very, very stupid. No idea how the world worked!

I did always think I'd be ok working in an office job though. I thought I was bright enough to pick it up and do what I have to do to make sure I earn a pay check I can live on. But I really can't.

Really starting to hate myself again I've had depression in the past and thought I was ok, but I feel so USELESS.

OP posts:

FleshEmoji · 13/03/2017 14:24

What do you do for fun OP? Hobbies etc?

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 14:24

They don't just give out English degrees, you know! It doesn't matter if it took you a bit longer than others - you were struggling with your health, and it's only right that you were able to take leaves of absence when required. You have all kinds of skills of reading, interpretation and analysis!

It sounds as though you need a counsellor to help you work on your confidence and self-esteem, and to develop a repertoire of techniques to keep that anxiety in check. Even simple CBT solutions may be able to help tremendously.

If you could do anything, what would you want to do?

user1483981877 · 13/03/2017 14:26

Ooh I really needed to read this today, am so sorry you are struggling OP, but you 're not the only one, I am in a right pickle with a job I am doing at the moment that is office based and is just not for me. At all. I am going to have to rethink my strategy as my anxiety is sky high right now too. All the best. You're not alone. xx

Verbena37 · 13/03/2017 14:27

What was the creative career doing?
You sound like you've got low self esteeem but I bet if you write a list of your great personality characteristic and the things you are good at (people person, power point, logical, kind,) etc, you'll realise how much potential you really do have.

Please try to feel down, there will be a job /career for you out there.

OllyBJolly · 13/03/2017 14:29

Ok - so you do well at interviews. That's a pretty big achievement.

It suggests to me you are a good communicator with selling ability. Have you thought about a sales role? Can be pretty high pressure and might not sit well with your anxiety but might be a longer term goal.

I'd also think you are quite persuasive. Can you manage others? Retail might be worth exploring. Shop floor staff have a tough job that's not well rewarded but promotion can be swift and in the right businesses, lucrative.

I also have dyspraxia. I've had to find coping strategies all my life - I feel there's a big hole in my head that just doesn't let me understand things that other people seem to find easy. I have worked for some fantastic bosses who invested time in supporting me in what I am good at.

As PPs have said, I think this might be as much self esteem as it is dyspraxia.

but still can't tie my shoelaces!

Original poster

IdiotGirl17 · 13/03/2017 14:38

Thank you all again. I'm crying quietly now, from some disappointment in my abilities and frustration but also because you are all very kind So there is a glimmer of hope that although today has knocked me, it might not always be this way.

I might try to get some CBT, I have an appointment with my gp this week and could suggest it. I half think they might roll their eyes at me as I am already on a waiting list for a psychiatrist, and have had counselling a few years ago with them - but to be honest, I don't want anymore general counselling. The woman I saw was lovely but I don't feel I really achieved anything. CBT with goals would be something to try.

It's a lovely day, so instead of crawling back into bed and withdrawing from the world for the rest of the day week I may go for a wander out in the sun, get a sandwich from Tesco and sit with a coffee for my lunch.

OP posts:

NoLotteryWinYet · 13/03/2017 14:42

it sounds as though you should do something more people facing? If you do alright in interviews, it sounds to me as though you have good soft skills, so something like customer service maybe for you? Don't call yourself an idiot - we've all of us failed at several things in the course of our lives, I know very few who've not had several knock backs and gone on to get what they wanted in the end.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 14:44

Attagirl. Go look at the trees and the sky and the birds, and remember there's a big, big world out there - so huge that there's a niche in it for all kinds of flora and fauna, including you.

The80sweregreat · 13/03/2017 14:47

Olly, i too have difficulty following things that others find easy, i was never diagnosed at school or anything as my son was, but i do get confused easily and i really have to think through the thought process ( or write it down) i am also very clumsy , i had to 'train' myself not to drop things so easily and learn how to carry breakable things slowly and clutch it to my chest! I remember a thread about dyspraxia etc on here once and someone said to me 'you probably are , just not diagnosed'. at least the op is aware of her capabilities and has a referral, which is all encouraging. Its so hard sometimes, i have struggled on through life, but other people do seem to have it sorted and I never did! good luck with the appointment op- i hope it all helps.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/03/2017 14:57

. Ate you not protected under the equality act 2010

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 13/03/2017 15:05

Have you considered support/care work? They are always looking for people, and there will always be work, guaranteed.

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