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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 10 yr old alone for two hours a day?

73 replies

financialiasco · 12/03/2017 07:56

This is thinking ahead to the autumn, when ds1 will be in Y6. He and his brother currently attend the after school club two nights a week - they are at their dad's for another 2 and I leave work early to collect them from school on a Friday.

Ds1 hates it because he is always the oldest one there. He's right - no other kids from either Y5 or 6, and very few from Y4 are ever there. I think he's correct that he would be the only Y6 child there. He is already asking about the next school year and whether he will still have to go. I work 30 minutes away 2 junctions down the motorway and, though theoretically I can leave work any time after 3.10 (teacher), I really need to be there as late as possible as often as I can. I can't leave before 4 for two nights a week for a whole year. When they are at the after school club I pick them up at about 5.45, so that would be roughly the time I would get home.

Their school finishes at 3.30 and is about a ten minute walk away, so ds would have about 2 hours alone 2 nights a week - no intention of taking ds2 out at this stage and he likes the club anyway. DS1 is sensible and is currently left alone occasionally for no more than 30-40 minutes if I pop to a shop with ds2, but this is a lot longer and I wouldn't be able to rush back.

I feel he is too young and it is for about an hour too long, but what do others think? Also, do you think it should be run past their dad - he would probably complain about it and claim ds1 should be with him, but I don't want to go down that road.

OP posts:

Fishlegs · 12/03/2017 09:32

My 10 year old stays home for up to 2 hours at a time and is fine. For him I'd be worried about him losing the bloody key (he is a bit scatty) but he would love the independence.

As an aside, there's at least one thread posted each year about afterschool care for y7s, and the op is usually gently chided for even considering doing anything other than that which you're suggesting for your child. Does a year really make that much difference? If your ds is older in the school year I'd be even more inclined to say yes.

PatriciaHolm · 12/03/2017 09:36

It's 2 hours 2 days a week. Assuming sensible child with phone, no problem. I've children in years 6 and 7, and I've been leaving them alone together or singly for a couple of hours for about a year.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/03/2017 09:39

My ds2 is in year 6 and goes to kids club 3 days a week (picked up by his dad and my parents on the other 2 days).

he likes after school club because he gets to play football in a big playground with other kids for ages. Our garden isn't big enough. So hasn't really asked if he can walk home. There are quite a few other year 6 kids there too.

He will be going to the same secondary as his brother, aged 13, in sept so they will be coming home together and I guess I was just going to wait till then for him to go home without me. But I'm wondering if after Easter he should drop a day and maybe try walking home on his own as he'd only have a half hour wait till his older brother got home, and I'm usually home about an hour after that. The days will be lighter which is better for security but it does mean that it's ideal for football-playing and I'm glad he gets the exercise of that at the moment!

I don't know, OP. Personally in your situation I would probably wait a term or so in September. they seem to grow up a lot in year 6, and my ds2 seems more sensible now than he was even just 6 months ago.

Ikeameatballs · 12/03/2017 09:40

I do this with dd, also 10 and in year 5. I'm full time but due to planned after school activities it's only for two afternoons/week. I was nervous at first but it works out fine.

Original poster

financialiasco · 12/03/2017 09:41

Thanks for all the replies. It's so hard to know what to do, but I really like the idea of him sending photos of what he's up to and building up to it. Luckily, the AFC is not busy so he could go back if he dropped out first. There are also often afterschool clubs he wants to do that would reduce the time alone to an hour, but they don't always run on the relevant days and are not on every week.

When h first left I looked into all the options for childcare and there seems to be very little round here in the way of childminders. I had ads up on the relevant sites and nothing came of it. He will definitely be doing this when he starts secondary school when there's no club on he wants to go to, and that will be for longer stretches as the school ends earlier, but that's a year away.

I will continue to mull it over .

OP posts:

AtHomeDadGlos · 12/03/2017 09:46

I'd let him do it.

Our society today is so molly coddled and wrapped in cotton wool. Previous generations would disappear for hours at a time and parents wouldn't hear from them until they got hungry or tired.

Give him a key, set some ground rules (sensible ones - like no cooking, no friends, do homework etc, not ones he fail at straight away), if he breaks them then it's after school club. If he hates it that much he won't break the ground rules.

Doyouwantabrew · 12/03/2017 09:54

Yep I would let him try it with strict rules. 2 hours isn't that long. Just set your rules as AtHome says and have a practise run at the weekends.

Railgunner1 · 12/03/2017 09:55

Not ideal, but should be fine. Give him a set of chores to do so he isn't stuck in front of tv all that time

rookiemere · 12/03/2017 09:57

Has he got a phone ? I definitely find it quite reassuring when DS texts me to say he's on the bus, or like yesterday when DH and I were out for a walk and he didn't want to come, he phoned us to let us know he couldn't get the key to work so we power walked to get back to him.

Building up is definitely the way to go - and sometimes you might get it wrong. DS is happy to be left on his own in the house for upwards of an hour, but we left him on his own for a bit in our holiday apartment whilst skiing - he didn't want to come out - and then when we came back he was a bit unhappy as he'd heard people banging around with their skis and thought they were trying to knock on our door. So we learnt that what works at home, may not necessarily work away from home, which I guess would be obvious to everyone else .

Redtartanshoes · 12/03/2017 09:59

It would worry me more in the winter when it's dark walking home I think.

I've got a ds who's going into year 6, I'd also be concerned about losing keys/not being able to get door open etc. All the stupid things.

MadameJosephine · 12/03/2017 10:18

If dad is willing and available why can't he have him for a couple of hours? Surely being with a parent is preferable to being left alone?

Original poster

financialiasco · 12/03/2017 10:27

Sadly Dad not really a good option - it would be seen as doing me a favour and, as he's 20 minutes away, would add complications regarding me having to pick ds up. Also, it would have to be both of them or ds2 would be upset, and that means if ever their dad wasn't available, I'd be stuck as would have given up both ASC places. There would also be the times when he'd want me back early and I'd be a bad mother if I couldn't. I've come so far, I'm not going back to using him for childcare.

OP posts:

Mrsglitterfairy · 12/03/2017 10:53

Ooh I don't know. When I was in year 6, I walked about 10 mins to the bus stop, got the bus home and then walked a further 10 mins or so home. And they stayed there prob for about 2 hours until my mum got home. But.... DS is 9 and I can't imagine leaving him alone in a year's time... I would say only you know your child well enough to judge it.

RhiWrites · 12/03/2017 11:02

I think it's fine and will build independence for the move to secondary.

WeAreEternal · 12/03/2017 11:14

My DS is that age and I would not do it. Two hours is too long. Sorry.

ClopySow · 12/03/2017 11:18

I think its ok. My two hated asc to end up with so i started letting them come home when they were 11 and 10. At first i worked through lunch and came home a bit early until we all got used to it.

I used to leave the house in the mornings earlier than them when they were maybe 9 and 10 too. It's fine. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

I was coming home on my own by the time i was 8 or 9.

oleoleoleole · 12/03/2017 11:19

I would.

I'd also run it by dad, why shouldn't he be given the opp to do the care?

What's best for your DC is not going to ASC and finding a solution you're all happy with.

Gallavich · 12/03/2017 11:23

I think it's fine, if he's happy to do it
My ds will be 11 at the start of year 6 and I fully intend for him to come home alone rather than go to ASC (not 5 days a week though)

rainbowunicorn · 12/03/2017 14:34

Yes it is fine, I have an 11 year old and he has been doing this since he was around 10.5. He walks home which takes around 30 mins so gets home by 4pm. His older brother is home by 4.30pm a couple of nights but the other 3 he has school commitments and is not home until around 6pm. The 11 year old is generally home for 1.5 - 2 hours alone on these evenings.
I also leave him for a morning or afternoon during holidays when I am working. He is sensible and we have had no problems.

foxyloxy78 · 12/03/2017 17:26

Too young to be left on his own for that long each day.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 12/03/2017 17:29

I'd happily lave my 10 year old as he is very sensible.

Heyheyheygoodbye · 12/03/2017 17:34

I was regularly alone for at least two hours after school every day at that age. I had a key and absolutely loved it. Your know your DS though - it's down to how mature/sensible he is, I guess?

Stormyseasallround · 12/03/2017 18:16

I'm in the same boat as you: a teacher who can't leave work early; one ten year old who wants to be home alone; two younger ones in an after school club, though at a different school.

She walks home with friends every day, and two days a week is home alone for an hour until I get back. A couple of times I've been running late and have called her, and she's been miserable at the thought of being alone for longer. So much so that she's ended up going over to a neighbour's rather than wait out the second hour alone.

She's a confident, mature girl, and we have a large dog so she's not actually alone, but more than an hour without adults is too much for her, especially when it's dark outside.

Perhaps give it a trial run on a few occasions this year. Be not too far away (coffee shop etc) and see how he feels.

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