To leave 10 yr old alone for two hours a day?

[financialiasco]

This is thinking ahead to the autumn, when ds1 will be in Y6. He and his brother currently attend the after school club two nights a week - they are at their dad's for another 2 and I leave work early to collect them from school on a Friday.

Ds1 hates it because he is always the oldest one there. He's right - no other kids from either Y5 or 6, and very few from Y4 are ever there. I think he's correct that he would be the only Y6 child there. He is already asking about the next school year and whether he will still have to go. I work 30 minutes away 2 junctions down the motorway and, though theoretically I can leave work any time after 3.10 (teacher), I really need to be there as late as possible as often as I can. I can't leave before 4 for two nights a week for a whole year. When they are at the after school club I pick them up at about 5.45, so that would be roughly the time I would get home.

Their school finishes at 3.30 and is about a ten minute walk away, so ds would have about 2 hours alone 2 nights a week - no intention of taking ds2 out at this stage and he likes the club anyway. DS1 is sensible and is currently left alone occasionally for no more than 30-40 minutes if I pop to a shop with ds2, but this is a lot longer and I wouldn't be able to rush back.

I feel he is too young and it is for about an hour too long, but what do others think? Also, do you think it should be run past their dad - he would probably complain about it and claim ds1 should be with him, but I don't want to go down that road.

No I wouldn't. You are not in a position to drop everything in case of an emergency.

I disagree. As long as you set clear ground rules and can have confidence that he will stick to them and have a method of communication (we use Skype as can call and message - my DS is 10), I think it should be fine. Two hours is the maximum I would leave DS at home, though, and I would certainly start to build up to it now. You know your child and if this is something he is responsible enough to cope with.

I understand his frustration and would compromise with a plan to build up 2hrs x 2 by next Easter.

Maybe start with once a fortnight and build up from there.

He may find he does not like being home alone and then if you have kept his ASC place open he can always do more days again.

It's rare at my youngest DCs school for yr6 kids to be picked up so no problem with that and my DS would have been fine as long as there was a snack left on and he could put the tv on. In fact every chance he wouldn't move for several hours in any case. As long as you've talked it through, there's an emergency contact in place and he's happy, I wouldn't have a problem with this. Two hours really is nothing it's not like he's got to fill a day.

My DCs were immature at that age and there's no way I would have considered it, yet alone trust them with a set of house keys. But I myself had an extraordinary amount of self-reliance as a small child. I daily walked alone to and from school, crossing two roads each way (no lollypop people around) from the age of 5. When I got home, sometimes my mum was in, sometimes not. If not, I would wander round the streets some more or sit on the doorstep and wait. I would have preferred to have a key and go inside! I would say your DC could do what you suggest if confident. But you would need to lay down ground rules about whether or not he's allowed to use kettle, make toast etc. I like the idea of saying 'do your homework when you come in or you'll have to return to the after school club!'

When he starts year 6 in September it won't be dark. The dark nights will start October time. If you allow him from the beginning then by then he will be confident.
2 hours does seem like a long time but you know your own child.
I would start off by leaving him for longer periods from now until then. The summer holidays will be ideal and then you can make the judgement call when he starts in September.
I have a 10 yr old ds and I do leave him alone for up to an hour max at the moment but I'm sure over the next year that could change.

I think it's fine because he would be happy with the idea.

I did this two nights a week at 10.

Can you give him one day to do this and one day at the club, as a compromise and to see how he gets on?

agree that the key is to build up to it, and establish ground rules.

I've left my 10yo for short periods of 30-90mins from time to time for a while, and think I'd be happy doing what you've suggested. Between now and the autumn you've plenty of time to build up.

He'd obviously need to be sensible enough to have a key, and it would help if you have a friendly retired neighbour happy to hold a spare. No cooking, no answering the door, no mates round, call your mobile from the land line on safe arrival at home.

If your child is happy with that arrangement, and you think they'll be okay (what you personally think about that child personally, not what you think you should think, or what other people think you should think - sorry!!) Then it will probably* be okay.

• I say provably because no one actually knows, and there are statistically low chances of lots of things happening.

My ds2 is 11yo, yr 6. He has been making his own way to school alone since the start of yr 4 (when ds1 moved to secondary) and been coming home alone since Easter of yr4 (when it was lighter). Finishes at 3pm.
I'm usually home by the time he is, ds1 is usually home by 3.30pm anyway. But sometimes I'm later. Sometimes ds1 has a club or just goes out. Very occasionally it's been a couple of hours.
Often he goes to the park and isn't home till after 4pm anyway.
Often a friend will come home with him, or he'll go to a friends and the mum will text me.
If it was regularly going to be a couple of hours I'd have a structure in place.

On the key front. Both of mine have house keys on a springy coil clipped to the inside of their schoolbags. They stay attached to the bag just stretch out to open the door - so can't be left in the door, much harder to lose etc.

NSPCC has a very good leaflet about this that you can download from their website. It includes a checklist to help you decide whether the child is likely to cope with being home alone. This topic comes up often on MN and responses always cover a wide range of ages. Mine were looked after until they were 12 but that was just me. Whatever age you choose, think about how you will deal with lost house keys!!

IMO it's less the two hours at home or the walking home to someone already there but the combination of the two but it really depends on the child, the walk home (are others walking a similar direction and is it reasonably "safe"?)

It's fine. At 10 most children should be capable of walking home, getting themselves a snack and sorting themselves out for a couple of hours. We used to go to the beach all day at that age, catch a bus the 6 miles to school and cook a roast meal.
Assuming no specific risks - a very isolated position, a diabetic child etc then do it. What harm are people thinking will befall the child given reasonable boundaries of what they may and may not do? We baby children far too long nowadays.

I thought there might be a legal aspect so I looked this up, and there is no set legal age for leaving a child home alone--they just must not be put "at risk". This page was quite informative! www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/

My year six used to stay on his own when I went out shopping etc on a weekend. However my parents live less than a minutes walk away and I would always check my neighbours were in and they would just pop around to make sure he was ok.

Our next door neighbours & my brother's house have been burgled in the early evenings when it has been dark. How would your ds cope if something like this happened? Are there any child minders around for after school? I was lucky as one of my son's friend's mum was a childminder so he went there as he too hated the after school club.

I was doing this from the age of about 9 and I loved it and didn't come to any harm. Can't remember how long I was on my own for - neither parent would have been around for 2 hours but my brother was in secondary school and would have been back within about an hour of me. It never occurred to me that there was anything problematic about it until my (older) brother double checked one day that I would be back before him because he didn't like going into an empty house on his own.

That said, this was the 1980s. There were more children walking to and from school making it safer. We also had reliable neighbours who kept a bit of an eye on us. I agree with PP - perhaps start one day a week and see how he gets on. It's neither right nor wrong - it depends on him.

I walked to and from primary school which was a 20 min walk across town on my own when I was 9/10. I was then required to literally sit on my doorstep or go to the local library until dinner time as my parents got home about 5 ish. I was never trusted to have a key (despite being an extremely sensible child) and my mum would rather I sat in the step in all weather's and with strangers passing frequently rather than 'risk me burning the house down'.

If you have a sensible child then I like the idea of him having to contact you once he's home and if he breaks deal he goes back to afterschool club (someone above suggested it). You could get a very cheap phone and giffgaff sim then set him up.on whatsapp and part of the deal could be that he has to send you a pic on whatsapp when he gets home of him in a room of house holding a certain item or with a certain word written on paper. Then on the hour at say 4 another pic with word changing. This way you know he's home and as trust builds the pic requirement could dwindle??

As I've said before on previous threads like this, it's irrelevant what other people or their children did. What's important is how sensible, resourceful and trustworthy your own child is.

What if he walks home with a friend and the friend wants to come in? Can he be trusted to do his homework in the two hours before you get home or is he the type to spend two hours on his X-box? Do you have secure parental controls on any devices? Does he know what to do if he feels unwell while you're not there?

Is there a waiting list for the after-school club? If he gives up his place but needs to take it up again, could he?

Cant you find an after school nanny/minder? I found a brilliant one who picked up from school and this allowed the kids to have playdates, go to clubs etc. A couple of days a week she brought some other little kids she looked after - which meant mine learnt to be caring to smaller children. She cooked them tea too, did their laundry and became a great friend to me. She even stayed over when I needed to o away on business at one point.

If his dad is happy to have him for the 2 hours, isn't that a better solution?

Depends on how reliable he is. How he feels on his own. He will be going to secondary school next year so will travel alone i presume and woukd probably come home alone. I know they change a lot in that year though. Only you can be the judge

We've got exactly this dilemma.
DS is 10 ( going to be 11 by the end of this month) and is in Y6.

He has started taking the bus home, but only when one of us is working from home or is due to be in the house within half an hour or so of him getting home.

He goes to afterschool currently one day a week as I work a full day then and pick him up about 5.30, and he wants to drop the afterschool and get the bus home and stay by himself.

I'm a bit wary about that as it means he would be on his own for a couple of hours, although we know loads of neighbours and many of them would definitely be at home so he'd be able to go there if any problems. He is also very sensible.

My compromise is that I'm going to check once he's 11 if it's possible for him to go to afterschool but check himself out after the first session which finishes at 4.15pm and get the bus at that point. I'm also interviewing for a few jobs at the moment which will likely require me to work full time at least 3-4 days so we need to have a solution we're all happy with.

Plus he is so dreadfully bored in afterschool that he reads books, so I'm not rushing to stop it altogether !

What about a local teen to sit in? I did this for some kids when I was young.