Would anyone else put up with this untidiness?!

[user1488488748]

I'm a very tidy person and DH adopts a far more relaxed attitude around the house including hanging clothes on doors, stuffing clothes into drawers rather than folding them, waiting a day before washing dishes when it's his turn, leaving crumbs on surfaces, toothpaste out on the side, shoes not put away, not clearing up hairs properly after shaving (list goes on) and generally not doing very much without being prompted/'nagged' by me.

I feel like every day I am fighting a loosing battle to keep the place clean and tidy. We have had endless conversations about the above but very little changes. He assures me he will try to improve or claims he does intend to tidy but likes to do things in his own time rather than when I 'demand' he does them. Really though he does not see that he is messy and thinks his behaviour is normal and I am the nagging control freak!

Other than this issue our relationship is great, we get on well (when I'm not shouting about the mess!!!), he makes me laugh and he's without a doubt my best friend. He commutes and works full time but does do all our cooking both at the weekend and during the week. He will hoover when asked and 'tidy up' when prompted however even that is not done correctly or with care. When he washes dishes they are still greasy, wet washing is scrunched onto the washing line, doesn't hoover thoroughly etc etc, which leads to me redoing everything!!

We would have a perfect relationship without this hugely frustrating issue and it is really dragging me down. I'm tired of nagging!! Please tell me I'm not alone

Mess - not sure.
The dirty/ still greasy washing up I'd give back to him to do again as he hasn't actually cleaned it has he. My DH is terrible for this but in fairness he asks me to give it back to him rather than moan about it!!
Same for the wet washing scrunched up on the line,I'd expect that to make all the rest of its journey harder,more ironing,and things needing ironing that otherwise wouldn't.So he can do that.
Clothes scrunched into drawers - he can do whatever he wants with his stuff,I'd put my own clothes away!
What isn't fair is that he does an incomplete job which you then need to finish.

Great update, OP.

I think identifying two or three key areas that annoy you the most is a good approach.
I find it easier to work on something specific as opposed to a general request to be tidier. So a commitment to e.g. hang up towel after a shower, put dirty clothes into hamper etc.

My husband was like this. Get a cleaner! It wasn't worth al the arguments and angst.

Now he tidies before the cleaner comes! (Actually tidies al the time now)

Get a cleaner who is also a tidy person, or do it yourself, my husband is like yours but I'm not really that bothered now, just focus on the good stuff.

I haven't read all the replies but sounds slightly like my DH. He spends a lot of time cooking so I tend to load dishwasher, he also has responsibility for putting bins out and putting the odd load of washing on. Plus bits and bobs where I ask. I take most responsibility for cleaning and tidying. We find this is a reasonably fair split. My DH doesn't notice dust etc and after a few years of arguing over it we've settled into this arrangement- not formally but tasks we just get on with. I still ask for extra jobs to be done now and again but don't expect them to be done- that's where we were falling out!

OP I think you are married to my DS! Oh hold on, he is only 11 but god they sound just the same

All I know is life is too short to get stressed out or fight with someone you love about dishes or toothpaste in the sink. An immaculate show home would be lovely, but is it realistic? If not, try to relax a little bit and give him time to do his share of the housework.

Is that you MrShockers?

My Dh is a very messy, untidy person. He can not close a draw or cupboard door when he opens it. Shoes very where etc.

It can dive me nuts if I let it.

Our solution, he pays for a cleaner to come 12 hours a week and clean, iron, tidy up breakfast things, do dishwasher etc. She also keeps an eye on the kids till I get home from work. So we always come home to a clean tidy house.

Then he does not have to do anything other than try and pick up after himself. I make an effort not to nag too much. Works for us.

Twinny you do realise that women have always gathered and the men would hunt?

Why do people marry each other? Seriously why did you marry someone that was so polar opposite you, that living together was going to make them and you miserable.

My DH was not always very tidy, we met as students and it was obvious to see that I was untidy from the state of my room, and he was happy with that as his DM is obsessively tidy and he found it hard when growing up as she would always pack his toys away when he was still playing because she could not cope with the sight of them out on the floor etc. He said he felt comfortable around me as I was not like that, more relaxed in my ways.

However, over the twenty years we have been together he has gradually become exactly like his DM, and he drives our DC mad with his constant tidying toys away. He can't understand why I have not changed the way he has. Our relationship probably would not have progressed if he had been really tidy in the early days. So it is not always easy to say 'Why do opposites marry?' sometimes people change along the way.