A bedroom one

[sorryforme]

What would you think about this?

A man lives by himself in a 3 bedroom house with 2 double rooms, 1 small single. He has 1 dc to stay up to 3 nights a week.

AIBU to be annoyed that said dc is given the small room?

I know people often do this when they are a couple but he has the whole of the rest of the house for himself already.

There's a back story which which I'm not going to go into but I feel sad that one day dc will realise where they have featured in terms of his priorities.

Has the DC complained to you? How old is s/he?

I slept in a single room as a child out of necessity (there were 4 of us and we weren't well off). However, this isn't out of necessity so I would say he is BU. And selfish. And your child may feel a tad unimportant.

They may not. Though as you say this is not an isolated incident.

I imagine you can counter this with your actions as a parent.

Well--- I guess it depends. If it's symptomatic (is this a word in English?)

Yes, I understand you being upset. But making a fuss won't change anything.

But I understand you're being sad.

Yes, it is fine, plenty of kids are in box rooms. I loved my little room growing up so I guess I don't see it as bad in anyway, I have happy memories of that room!

I would likely do the same if it were my house: use the bigger spare room as a guest room with a small double + a study.

Maybe he doesn't want the child to turn out spoiled.

OP you sound as if you are looking for something to get cross about.

Maybe the smaller room is better than the spare double room? Could be warmer, less noisy, closer to the bathroom, closer to the dad ... any number of reasons ...

It would annoy me as well.

It has nothing to do with whether the space is adequate. It's an attitudinal thing - that his child deserves less.

If DC was being put on the sofa/sofabed/floor/his bed then YANBU to complain. But their OWN room

Does he question your parenting decisions?

I think it's fine. My sister has a similar bedroom set up and her stepson has the smallest one. But he chose how it was decorated, it has all his stuff in it and it is just his. He doesn't have to worry about other people using it when he isn't there. Due to the age gap any younger siblings that come along will share the second double but that will always be just his room until he's an adult. If I was a child I'd prefer a smaller space to call my own than a larger room that may have more than one purpose.

When my son was born we put him in the smallest room, even though we had a bigger room empty at that point, it just seemed more like a "children's room" (and didn't have all the hand-me-down furniture in it). When his younger sister was born she eventually went into the bigger room because he liked the smaller room and even now he's a teenager and we've had an extension built, he still doesn't want to take up the offer of the old master bedroom. Pick your battles, if your DC is happy with it, then why get stressed over it? Sounds like there might be other things that you are worried about, save your energy for those.

If there were 2 bedrooms - one used as a bedroom and the other as a study (despite a large living room) with nowhere for dc I suppose the responses would be different. This was the case previously.

I think it's fine unless there are specific reasons why the child needs a bigger room or the child is particularly upset about having the smaller room.

I also think this is fine, the larger room can be used as a spare room and also study / stuff.

Personally though we always gave our daughter the second largest room. I was surprised at how many people, all women , in each house, said to me why didn't you give your daughter the smaller room. Even an estate agent said it once.

Couldn't get my head round it and still can't. Our daughter is not entitled to less than us, she's part of our family, we simply have the bigger room as there are two of us, after that it's her choice what room she has.

So where as I personally wouldn't do it, I do think lots of people do this and I think it's fine , simply I wouldn't do it..

As long as there is a clean, warm bed in it, it'll be fine OP.
Sometimes children feel more secure, in a smaller room, when they're away from home.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

It would annoy me too. I'd think if my child was only staying 3 nights, I'd want to make it as lovely and welcoming as possible. Not shoved in the box room, when there's a big room spare.
I guess he's a ex for good reason!!

My boyfriend has had form for not thinking of dd and putting her first. I was very impressed though, when house hunting, that he vetoed one he really liked, because dd's room would be too small.

I'd also agree op that based on your post about previous living conditions you're looking for something to be angry about. I think you need to try to take a step back, this is a silly fight to pick. He's increased his house size and now his child has her own room.

We have four bedrooms - 2 doubles and 2 singles - and one child, our 3-year-old DD. She's in the box room and loves her little room. When she gets bigger, we may switch things around to give her more space, but at the moment it's fine. I had a single bedroom growing up and I loved its cosiness. It was my little den.

On the surface of it, stepping away from the history and the emotion of it all, there really isn't anything wrong with a child, part or full time resident, having the smallest bedroom.

Indeed we have our 2 DC sharing the smallest room to keep a double spare room for guests (we live far from family so this is needed).

When you say boxroom, does it have a window? If not then I would agree with you and maybe say something. Otherwise, really, pick your battles. There are often stories on here of DC made to sleep on the sofa/floor etc when staying with their fathers.

I wouldn't give this a second thought tbh.

I think it's fine and would probably do the same. As long as the single room is the child's bedroom and nothing else, full of their stuff and decorated for them. A single is fine for a child. I'd use the double as a guestroom which needs to be a double, otherwise you'd have people staying in the child's room when you have people stay.

Kids normally get the box room. What exactly is the issue here? He's not putting him under the bloody stairs like Harry Potter.

Get a grip.

We have 5 bedrooms. DC (6) has the smallest (single), we have the one with the en suite, one (double) is a playroom, one (double) is an office and the last one (double) is a guest room.

So yes, I think you're being unreasonable.

3 nights a week is basically 50% of the time; it does seem pretty selfish to stuff the child in a box room when there's a double that could be used. I think a decent single would be OK for a child but if there's no room for much more than a bed and wardrobe it is a bit mean if there's an alternative.