To despise Mother's Day

[Beelzebop]

Anyone with me? It's hard work being pleased /motherly all day as it is but when you're grieving your own Mum and just want to hide... It's getting ridiculous, it's everywhere!

Oh fuck that again - thanks for the reminder, time to sub Interflora €50 again

I always nearly forget because we are abroad and the UK insists on using a different day - most of the rest of the world has it in May.

I've always found it an irritating and annoying event because UK mother's day is about my mother, International Mother's day is about my MIL, but I am supposed to tell everyone I had a lovely day, in order to avoid being subject to a head tilt - because I am a mother.

Additionally where I live Father's Day is a bank holiday and fathers are expected to go and get drunk with their father friends (traditionally while on a pedal bike ride or hike) and leave the kids with their wives, but Mothers Day is a stupid Sunday and is spent fawning over your mother in law (disclaimer this year my MIL is ill and I absolutely do not begrudge her all the fawning, but it has always been this way including when I had a newborn one year).

I realised a few years ago that when I was a child Mother's day was also all about my mother, not remotely about either of my grandmothers, and now that my mother is a grandmother it is still all about her and she expects to be waited on by those of her grown up daughters who live near her and believes she is being very benevolant to grudgingly accept that they will not spend the entire day with her doing things of her choosing because their own children also want a piece of them on Mothers Day.

In both DH and my families the mothers born in the 1940s have had Mothers Day sewn up for the last 40 something years and are not letting any one else claim any of it, ever, clearly!

The origins of Mothering Sunday are sweet.. A day when domestic servants were given the day off to go home to their families (or "mother" church).

For me it's bitter sweet and I feel a fraud and a failure as I don't feel worthy of the fuss at all, having a child with MH issues (which I blame myself for). It's such an awkward farce for me. And always orchestrated by DH rather than my kids anyway and so much pressure for us to have a "special" day. Poor guy can't win

I am a mum and have a mum but I also hate it it is commercialised bullshit like every other hallmark day

YANBU, you have your reasons and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I like it, I get to eat cake without sharing it with the magpies. DS loves to make a card and pick flowers, I love the assembly at his school. Yes, I think it's a bit crap some see it as a chance to show off, I see it as a bit of appreciation for being a mum from my kids and husband, not people online to gawp.

I lost my wonderful mum when I was a teenager, so nearly 20 years on I'm used to the inevitability of Mothers Day and know that loads of people are lucky enough to still have their mums around to celebrate.

What I really hate though are the marketing emails, like a pp mentioned above. I got one just recently from Very where the subject line was "[chad's] mum has got it goin' on!". I think because it was personalised (to a degree) it really gave me a jolt. I unsubscribed immediately. I know they have to market to people, and it's my sensitivity, but it did upset me. Lord knows what I'd have been like just after mum died, but luckily that kind of thing was in its infancy then.

Isn't mothering Sunday a religious holiday to do with returning to ones 'mother church' (and probably visiting your own mother on the way!). I don't really place much stock by the hallmark, secular version of the celebration which is indeed about buying tat and showing off on social media.

I wholeheartedly admit I am jealous of people with normal, loving, non abusive mothers and Mother's Day is pretty painful as mine has disowned me but I do think the idea of a day to honour mothers (let's face it we are the ones doing the majority of the drudgery) is a good one.

It doesn't have to be a Hallmark day.

I hate it too !! Not all mums deserve the praise and attention !

When is it?

We don't usually bother as similar problems to LadyandtheTramp here. MIL and DM both died a little too early, but I look around and am relieved that I no longer have to search out a 'Mothering Sunday' card for my pendant mother. We keep it low key/no guilt.

YANBU I lost my mum 18 months ago and last year was awful I cried all day and hated the fact I had to take her flowers to her grave. I will just treat it as another day with a card and chocolates from the kids!

lotta and hake I'm not close to my mine either. We have a cordial relationship but not overly friendly.

I'm a lp and just about to book my mother's day meal, at least I get to choose which restaurant though. TBH as long as it's better than last year when dd broke tv number three I'll be happy.

'It was an awkward day as she can't bring herself to show me any praise or affection and never will or even just listen when I'm talking, and I'd just go home feeling like crap, so no more'

Its horribly sad and hurtful. Well done for drawing that line though. Jumping through hoops to try and please a parent does your self-esteem no good at all x

I'm a mum and still have my mum and I don't like it. Such a load of pointless guff.

Surely if you want to give your mum a treat or send her a card you don't need to wait until a specific day to be "allowed" to? Just send her the card or take her out for lunch or send her flowers or buy her a book. Just because. Not because the card manufacturers tell you it's Mother's Day and you must.

Don't like Valentines Day either and have never got involved with Grandparents Day which must be the most made-up day ever.

I may have emailed back Aldi on their own mothers day email pointing out my own mother died recently and thanking them for making me feel rotten.

"I always nearly forget because we are abroad and the UK insists on using a different day"

UK has been using the church date for Mothering Sunday for centuries.

It's tied in to the date of Easter, isn't it?

I lost my mum last year too, and it's not the existence of mother's day that bothers me, or the fact that there are cards on sale, it's the fact I have a month when my daily commute takes me past huge bill boards telling me about how special mothers are. It's like every one is a little cut.

Only in rhe the UK though Rose, it has nothing to do with Easter in other countries (disclaimer - there may be some other country using the UK system). Tying it to Easter means you can't even set an annual reminder as you can for birthdays because the date swings around so wildly.

Yanbu. I had a miscarriage just before Mother's Day last year. It was horrible and all the #blessed Facebook posts made the pain even worse. I spent last year in the middle of the countryside with no phone signal to get away from it all. This year will be my first Mother's Day it's a bit bittersweet and I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest.

I like it. I'm not a mum, but I like the excuse to remind my own mum that she's loved and to get her a treat.

And yes, I could do that every day, but we're not a super demonstrative family and random presents are met with suspicion.

It's my second Mother's Day without my lovely mum, I am already struggling, it will be the anniversary the day before this year so I know it will hit me hard, sending love and to all those grieving too xxx

Depends how you celebrate it - it's my day to get pampered and I don't lift a finger all day so I love it. I'm not bothered about presents etc.

I don't like it. I spend all day trying to balance time with my mum and MiL. No one gives a fuck what I'd like or thinks to ask so it's like every other special occasion: keeping everyone else happy.
I'm grateful my mum is still around. Very grateful. But I don't need a special day for it and she and MiL seem to put a lot of expectation on it. I would like to forget the whole thing.

i know France has it tied in to Pentecost/Whit (which is in turn related to Easter)

As with much else, I think the US version, even though comparatively recent, is taken as the norm; and the older European version is seen as 'other'. I think that's a shame. Well, I mean it's OK seeing it that way round if you are North American. But rather different from the European POV (even though practice varies between countries)

I hate the threads we get here around Mothers Day because they bring out the worst in competitive martyrdom.

"AIBU to be sad DH and the kids totally forgot Mother's Day?"

"YABU I got a kick in the face from my kids and I'm embarrassed they went to that much trouble. I'll be working a twelve-hour shift down the mines then coming home to regrout the bathroom. Get over yourself."

It is actually worse than Competitive Wedding Martyrdom and that is saying something.