To despise Mother's Day

[Beelzebop]

Anyone with me? It's hard work being pleased /motherly all day as it is but when you're grieving your own Mum and just want to hide... It's getting ridiculous, it's everywhere!

[bananafish81]

If I hated mothers day when I lost my mum

I hated it even more when after 2 IVF cycles we lost our baby. I was pregnant for last year's so had hope that maybe this year I would actually have become a Mum

2 more IVF cycles and another miscarriage down, no closer to being a mother

I fucking hate Mother's day

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I don't like it.

It's hard for my DSC whose 'D'M wants nothing to do with them.

[scaryteacher]

My Mum is a fiercely independent 76 year old, who doesn't like accepting much from us, so it's an opportunity to buy her a pressie, normally something she cannot or will not buy for herself. Both db and I live in different countries to her, and will do til 2019, so we know she won't be around for ever, and take the opportunity to spoil her a bit.

[Cannaeshoveyergranny]

It's one of those days that's so hard because it's everywhere. Since I lost my Mum I find the anniversary of her death difficult, but can stumble through it quietly as only family and friends know that date. But Mothers' Day is in your face, and in the shops weeks beforehand. I've cried in tesco more than I'd like to admit.

Although I'd like to hide under the covers on Mothers' Day, I've got two wee boys who are desperate to make a fuss of me. I can't cope with being out for lunch seeing three generations together, so we do something lovely but not targeted at families celebrating mothers' day, like going to the science centre in Glasgow or visiting Loch Lomond. That way the boys see me having a nice day out but I don't need to go for a cry in the toilets.

For all of you who find the day difficult - massive hugs.

[Hassled]

I got a Flowers Direct email today reminding me to send my mother flowers and I thought "just fuck off you insensitive twats - she's been dead since I was a teenager and I still miss her". But they're just trying to run a business - I shouldn't let it upset me. And I do enjoy Mother's Day - since the time about 12 years ago when all the DCs and DH forgot and I had an epic, memorable tantrum I get spoiled rotten and they say nice things.

[Winteriscominginnit]

I'm not a fan as my mother was an abusive bitch and I'm glad to say I went nc many years ago. However to say it's insensitive to advertise is going too far. You could say that about everything then: it's insensitive to people trying to lose weight if you're thin and leaving the house as you're flouting your 'thinness'. It's insensitive to have males on billboards if a male once hurt you and now you hate them etc.

[Winteriscominginnit]

That wasn't directed at you btw hassled!

[Nicknacky]

I lost my mum in October. Is it wrong to tell H if my girls don't mention it (they might as they are 9 and 3) then not to get me anything at all? I would rather just forget it but don't want to hurt my kids.

[whoneedswings]

Mothering Sunday is the halfway point in lent when you can break your fast and have a break from lent before Easter. In Victorian days working girls were allowed to go home on this day to their 'mother church,' this is where it comes from. However the girls did sometimes pick flowers on the way for their mums.

In the Anglican Church it's a day to celebrate all parenting, mothers, fathers, grandparents. It's disgusting the pressure people are put under to do certain things, behave a certain way and spend a fortune on certain things. for those missing their mums or struggling to become mums, I'm so sorry for pain this horrid consumer fest has put on you. If you can, focus on other relationships that bring you joy.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

YANBU.

I hate it for different reasons, my mum is a very unpleasant and toxic woman who found out about abuse I was suffering, sweptnit under the carpet and treats my abuser better than she treats me. I'm still in touch with her and if the red carpet isn't rolled out for Mother's Day she has an almighty strop. The pressure is immense, and only on me not my siblings, even finding a non-soppy card is hard work. I've never enjoyed it as a mother myself due to the guilt tripping from my mum, who refuses to acknowledge that she's actually a terrible and abusive mother!

[Chattycat78]

Me too. I lost my mother 7 years ago. I still avoid all the massive 'mum" cards everywhere. It's excruciating. There was a stupid thing on the radio the other week about celebrating mother"s day, and some fool commented about how inclusive it was because "everyone has a mother". Err no they don't!

[5moreminutes]

Most European countries have mothers day in May Rose (including France, they move it to June if it's going to clash with Penticost).

You don't have to be a Christian to be a mother do you? I see no reason for the conflation of the two things just because servant girls used to return to the church they were baptized at a certain number of weeks before Easter hundreds of years ago... If I returned to the church I was baptised at it would be nowhere near where my mother lives now, and my siblings would all be returning to different churches scattered around the place...

I remember the cringable mothers day church service where my mother insisted we go up and get her flowers alongside the toddlers and infant school children well into our late teens but the religious tie in is really quite a tenuous muddling together of separate ideas - the March visit to the mother church should be a church event for those who like that sort of thing, no reason secular mother's day needs cobbling onto it.

There is no reason Mother's Day, if it exists at all, shouldn't be secular as Father's Day is.

[RoseAndRose]

No, no reason at all for conflation. And Britain hasn't done that.

UK stuck with the traditional, and did not conflate with the new version, in terms of the date.

But there is no reason why anyone who wishes to mark the day cannot do it on the way they wish. No expectation of churchgoing these days.

But also no reason to have matching dates with anyone else either.

For those whom it's a reminder of bereavement, it won't matter which day it falls on.

[ScruffbagsRUs]

I don't do Mother's Day for a number of reasons. One of them is because it's just going to be a normal day for me. I hate having a lie in and will still be getting up at 4am to walk/exercise the dogs, feed them, get the washing on, dishes done etc, so just the same old days as usual. Nothing to celebrate

[SailAwayWithMeHoney]

I'm never that bothered by it tbh, same as Valentine's Day or whatever. I always get something little for my mum and she always gets me chocolate and a card from my DC. I much prefer Pancake Day!

[UnbornMortificado]

I'm sorry to anyone who finds the day difficult. I feel similar on a different "hallmark" day and it's really shit

[bananafish81]

Mother's day was definitely earlier last year, because I was pregnant. We lost our baby on 14th Mar, so it was definitely earlier in 2016 than this year - I assume related to Easter timings

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

It was earlier last year as it was on my birthday

[gameofchance]

It's f*ing awful for those who have lost babies / children and their mum. I know from bitter experience on all counts

[Aroseforemily]

I'm a Grinch and I admit it. I hate all the forced affection days, mother's day, fathers day, valentines day.
If you love someone then do special stuff when it's convenient not because you are expected to. I detest the social media aspect so much, there will be the 'look how much I'm loved' posts.

[Beelzebop]

Thanks so much to all for responding, it's made me realise that I am not alone in this. Of course, I will be all smiles with mine. I wouldn't want to spoil it for them. Maybe I should plan us a little trip out. Thanks and to all xx.

[JangleJem]

I'm dreading it this year. My beloved mum died 2 months ago. She lived Mother's Day. Crying just writing that.

I always tell my (adult) daughter not to make a fuss as I can't stand it really. I expect when the little ones go to school, it'll start up all over again. Hey ho. I'll smile and be truly grateful. They are a joy and blessing.

[glitterglitters]

@SailAwayWithMeHoney pancake day is the best day of the year

[SailAwayWithMeHoney]

Yes glitterglitters yes it is 🙌🏻

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Quakers have a long standing testimony against times and seasons believing that every day can be as special as every other.
I think when you see the ridiculous commercialisation and hype around these kind of "hallmark" days you can see that those Quakers of old had a good point.
I'm a Quaker and I think I might follow this testimony more strongly than I have been doing.
Just say no I don't celebrate mother's day because I'm a Quaker.
Anyone want to join up?!
As lots of PP's have said who needs a special day to do something nice with their Mum anyway, any day will do!