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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to come home?

69 replies

desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 07:06

NC here. I'll try not to waffle.

DD is 5mo and seems to acquire a new problem daily - she had tongue tie that wasn't picked up for quite some time, has severe reflux (that she's on medication for), has been on a breastfeeding strike since coming down with a cold four weeks ago, is refusing to take a bottle and the latest is that she will not settle in her cot and last night I had to hold her all night as she would not even be put down in the bed next to me.

DH has been very helpful this week - coming home early yesterday, holding her from 11pm until 1am last night so I could get 2 hours precious sleep and taking her for a walk this morning for another hour and being late to work so I could have another nap.

Tonight he's out a whisky tasting and I'm out of my mind with worry as DD looks dehydrated (although I'm still finding wet nappies), seems so, so thirsty and yet I can hardly get a drop of milk into her. I'm currently cradling her in the dark hoping she'll just keep sleeping. We're living in a foreign country where I have no family or close friends to call on.

I know IABU as he has done his fair share and needs a break too, but I can't face tonight alone. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 08:23

Thanks MNers you're all amazing. I'm sat here in (extremely quiet) tears (wouldn't want to wake the baby!)

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Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 08:28

I'll add beakers to the list!

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DorothyBastard · 09/03/2017 08:35

My DS suddenly wouldn't latch on in the early days (much smaller than your DD), and the only thing that worked was holding him and swinging quite swiftly from side to side. I got the idea from the kellymom website. Might not work for you but could be worth a try?

WatchHowISoar · 09/03/2017 08:47

Can you wear a nipple shields temporary to give it time to heal and express and syringe. I would call your out of hours and dh, even if it's just to get time to express.

WatchHowISoar · 09/03/2017 08:48

Also while your dh is in, try running a bath (if she likes them) and breastfeeding while sharing one.

Jenniferb21 · 09/03/2017 08:54

Sorry if this has been suggested don't have much time this morning to read though. But have you tried cup feeding? When my DS was dehydrated with jaundice as a newborn the doctor gave me a cup to try to top him up with formula as I was BF. it worked quite well.

Hope your DD gets much better soon x

mrsmortis · 09/03/2017 08:56

I know that you've probably tried it, but just in case. My DD2 would never take a bottle from me. Ever. Why would she when there was a much better source close at hand? But she took one from DH without quibbling from the first bottle. I assume that you have tried getting someone else to give them the bottle without you in the room or even in the house?

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 09:13

I also tried feeding my DD in her sling and walking up and down. It worked quite well!

dustarr73 · 09/03/2017 09:20

I fed from only one side on all my kids.I had a really bad inverted nipple.Just feed from the one side.

JagerPlease · 09/03/2017 09:25

DS started bottle refusing when DW went back to work. I used a doidy cup and resorted to a syringe when I got desperate. It wasn't pleasant but at least I knew he was eating. After a few days of it he started taking a new bottle

GallivantingWildebeest · 09/03/2017 09:30

Bless her, sounds like her reflux is really bad if you're having to hold her upright to sleep.

My DN was the same, and my poor sister had to spend weeks sitting up with her at night. Sorry. It sounds awful for you.

What meds is she on for reflux? Could she have a milk allergy as well?

Hugs and Flowers

Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 09:33

Dorothy yes holding and moving around does work during the day sometimes* but I'm trying to get whatever sleep I can right now between her snacks (she's waking every 45 mins for more Shock). Jennifer* I haven't tried cup feeding since the early days so could give that another go. Am a bit scarred by it tbh as midwives tried it not knowing DD had tongue tie and it was awful. But might be worth a shot.

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Patchouli666 · 09/03/2017 09:35

Has her tongue tie been done fully and properly? The was she is refusing one breast completely is suggesting to me that it hasn't fully worked. It will be hard and very tiring for her to feed from the left and she won't bother. . might be worth getting that checked again just to see.

Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 09:37

Mrsmortis Yup poor DH has tried with me out for the evening but she hasn't caved. I'm told some babies will miss 3-4 feeds rather than give in but hunger wins out in the end of course. I feel sick thinking about how awful it's going to be tomorrow when this nanny tries to make DD crack in this way but I don't know what else to do.

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laurzj82 · 09/03/2017 09:44

You poor thing. Sounds just like my DD. Turned out she had cows milk allergy. Have you tried eliminating dairy from your diet to see if it helps?Flowers

Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 09:46

Patchouli I did wonder that myself. I find it really difficult to get what I need out of the doctors here as I am not a very assertive person and I know I need to work on that for DD's sake. DD is on Losec and it took weeks for me to get it because I kept being fobbed off and didn't fight hard enough. One GP told me that DD's reflux problem was most likely due to my anxiety as a new mum Hmm so I now ask DH to come to the "big" appointments if he can to back me up. The nanny has done work as a lactation consultant so I will ask her to check again before anything happens with the bottle.

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Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 09:52

Laurzj Yes I tried cutting out dairy and wheat separately but neither made a difference but thanks for the suggestion anyway. I got given another list of "banned foods" from the paediatrician yesterday but I don't touch a thing on that either. Redbull? Really?!

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Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 09:55

Gallivanting it's no fun is it, feeling for your DSis.

Update: I didn't ask but he's on his way home now anyway. Hopefully not too whiskyfied!

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ChatEnOeuf · 09/03/2017 09:58

If it is a cow's milk protein allergy, you would be as well cutting out both dairy and soy from your diet completely - the proteins are a similar shape and so there's a lot of babies who react to both. Often takes several weeks to see the difference, though.

I second the cup feeding suggestions, DD never took a bottle and transitioned straight to cup.

WatchHowISoar · 09/03/2017 10:00

Have you tried baby gaviscon or adding colief to expressed milk or form? Maybe check for lip tie too?

Miserylovescompany2 · 09/03/2017 10:01

Hello desperate

I'm sorry you are in the midst of a really difficult time. My LO took herself off bottles completely from 4 month old. I had to loosely mix her formula with baby rice and alike and spoon feed her. It took forever, but the heavier mix of rice seemed to help her reflux. I tried every teat that existed. She wouldn't have it. At five months she could drink from a straw, the really little ones that come with innocent smoothies.

I mixed her prescription formula into her savoury purée as well making sure to add more water. She went from the 50th centile to the 90th in four months.

With regard to your OH. I get that he needs a break, but the timing couldn't be worse really. Tell him exactly how you feel.

Could you express from your other breast that LO won't take from so your OH can have a go at mixing in other stuff and try and spoon feed LO?

WatchHowISoar · 09/03/2017 10:02

If it is a cows milk allergy you could try A2 milk for yourself?

Swizzlegiggle · 09/03/2017 17:35

You poor thing. Flowers
My DD had severe CMPI and reflux and refused to drink fluids which resulted in her being tube fed and hospitalised on multiple occasions as she tumbled down the centiles.
I found it so isolating and worrying at the time and I can relate to being on the receiving end of the type of advice your HV is giving you.
I hope some of the suggestions here work and that you have more support from DH.
If you're worried please take her to your GP and voice your concerns about dehydration.
You're doing your very best and you sound like a lovely mum. Xx

Original poster
desperatetimesss · 09/03/2017 18:19

Thanks everyone. DH was a superstar last night. He managed to get her sleeping in her Moses basket (she usually sleeps in her cot as she's outgrown the basket) from 11.30-3 and 4-7. It's now morning and DD won't latch on for her breakfast but at least I'm better able to tackle it now I've slept.

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user1488723505 · 09/03/2017 19:06

Babies do pick up on stress. Obviously you're concerned and she is picking up on it which causes her to fuss and you to worry. It also affects your "let down" of milk. . Also if you want to get her on a bottle you need to be away from her. Babies know their mums from heartbeat rhythms and smell and if you're holding her she will want boob as that is what she's used to. Getting someone else especially an experienced nanny to get her bottle feeding is a fab idea but don't stay in the room, go shopping, have a sleep or bath but do something for you. Then come back relaxed ( easier said than done I know).

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