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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DS in his room and shut the door?

65 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 09/03/2017 02:07

The other day I joked about putting him in a cupboard during the day. Tonight I am serious. He went to bed at 7, woke at 9 and was fed. Woke again at 10 and was fed. Woke again at 12 and is still wide awake. He is grumbling and no amount of sticking his dummy in and stroking his hair is sending him to sleep.

I'm so tempted to put him in his cot in his room and shut the door. Just for an hour so I can sleep. He will cry, but I can't go on much longer. DH is away until Monday and I've had 4 months of waking every 2 hours on a good night and being up constantly on a bad one.

There is nothing wrong with him, he just won't sleep.

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 09/03/2017 06:07

How old is your baby? Sorry if I missed that bit, am scanning

GoodEyebrowDay · 09/03/2017 06:20

Most bad sleepers I know about are breastfed, including my own. Not saying that's a reason, but just think they don't fill up much off the boob.

I had to move to formula after 6 months, she sleeps 7.30-7 now. We also moved into own room at 5 months because we were co-sleeping & disturbed her when moving around.

Neither things I wanted to do so soon, felt I had to for. To stay with full 'attachment' was for my benefit at that time.

DoingThisRight · 09/03/2017 06:27

Op your DS sounds like mine. He hardly naps and wakes frequently throughout the night. Paed has ruled out everything too. I guess that's just how he is. Sorry no help, you have my sympathy.

skerrywind · 09/03/2017 06:30

My babies never slept in their cots.

Co sleeping was a godsend.

liquidrevolution · 09/03/2017 06:34

I shut the door and left Dd to cry once. She was screaming blue murder but laughing if she saw me. She was fine and actually slept better in general after. Try standing outside and making sssshhhh noises if you dont have a white noise machine.

I would wake your Dc up if napping for more than 1.5 hrsat a time during the day. That way more sleep is needed at night. Unless your Dc is less than 6 months old that is...

43percentburnt · 09/03/2017 06:36

I feel your pain my twins have woken regularly all night last night (aged 1) to feed. I co sleep and feel like I'm constantly rotating all night!

Mine just love to feed all night.

What worked with ds (single baby fed all night), I would get a bath with him. Pop him in a sleepsuit and a sleeping bag. Then lay down in bed (no duvet, just sheets and blankets for me and a onesie!bi don't take medicines and don't smoke, drink etc) on my side and feed him to sleep. I would play Ewan the sheets white noise or tune (that didn't cause him to sleep in itself but it enabled him to transition from our bed to his own aged 2 very easily). I bf and co slept until his 2nd birthday, he is a great sleeper in his own bed. Poor old Ewan was ditched when he was about three!
When we coslept He would latch on without me waking!

It worked for us (sleep is critical, and I was happy feeding him). I do feel your pain though. Oh one more thought could it be caffeine? Ds was dreadful if I drank caffeine, he'd wake constantly. My twins don't react although one is sick if I drink milk (so my caffeine fix is still ruined!).

Expatosaurus · 09/03/2017 06:39

Sounds like my DS used to be! There was one time I was too exhausted and genuinely didn't think it was safe to feed him. Left him in his cot so he was safe, moved it next to the sofa. Put my arm through the bars to hold his hand. Kept apologising to screaming child that I was too tired to feed him. Fell asleep. When I woke he was asleep.

I'd personally say at 4monthw he's too little to be left alone. Have you tried: music
White noise
Recording you either singing or telling a story and playback on repeat.

Honestly, if you're that desperate for sleep, stick some kids tv on, put him somewhere safe where he can see it and doze on the sofa. Because at some point of sleeplessness it becomes dangerous.

bittapitta · 09/03/2017 06:40

Please don't give baby class and lunch a miss! You need support and friendship, not to be on your own for many more hours. It's really really hard, I remember it well, but it helps to see people and just be honest about how fuzzy-headed and sleep deprived you are, they will understand.

This won't be forever OP though it feels like it right now. Make sure DH understands how much your struggling and does all the wake ups and settling when he returns. Do you have any immediate family who can help? Mum? MIL?

Wonderflonium · 09/03/2017 06:47

Mine (7 weeks on Sat) is doing that too but I have support so it's manageable.

She's got reflux so I've taken to feeding her while she's more upright (legs in between mine, sort of kneeling up on my body), then I burp her for ages and keep her upright for 20-30 mins, if she falls asleep (far from guaranteed), I swaddle her and put us both down for a nap.

sandgrown · 09/03/2017 06:48

I agree you should try and see friends as it will.mean you are not alone for a few hours. I have not had a young one for a number of years but would something like baby massage help? I used to put DS in his cot in his own room with a musical mobile playing and it seemed to distract him even if he did not actually sleep. I agree with the poster who said you may have to consider early weaning in case he is hungry. Good Luck I know it's very hard x

Sixisthemagicnumber · 09/03/2017 06:55

Does baby have any signs of allergies or intolerances? Two of mine were notoriously bad sleepers and both have allergies including dairy allergy. They only wanted to nap on me as it would be soothing to lay stomach down on me.

Sunshinegirl82 · 09/03/2017 06:58

It's hideous. Ds is a petty poor sleeper (8.5 months now and things are better although he still wakes 2 or 3 times a night). When he was younger there were times when I actually thought I was going mad. Long term sleep deprivation is an experience like no other.

If you possibly can I would throw some money at this problem and get a night nanny. Call some places today and see if you can get someone in quickly. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

If baby will take a bottle you can express one or two feed so you can have a longer stretch otherwise night nanny can bring baby to you to feed then take him again to burp/resettle so you can go straight back to sleep.

Do you have a sleepyhead? We found it helped with ds sleep, also helped with co-sleeping as I put it in our bed and then slept better as I was less worried about rolling on him in the night.

I really feel for you. You are doing great and this will end. This too shall pass.

MrEBear · 09/03/2017 07:04

I'd agree don't miss your class. The isolation of being at home alone with a tiny baby is horrendous. Even if it means you get up in time for the class and lunch then go back to bed. A bit of company and sleep are equally important.

I wouldn't have stopped DH going away either. However he did work away when my first was tiny hence I know how lonely and isolating baby's can be. There's a reason they use isolation in prisons

Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 07:07

Totally understand why you would give your class a miss. Self-care - that might mean a box set and endless biscuits today. Nothing wrong with that. Don't force it.

humourless · 09/03/2017 07:14

Is there anything you're eating that could upset your baby?

Can you co-cleep?

Does your baby get big enough feeds?

I remember 4 months as being quite a feedy time.

Controlled crying is horrid, I don't know how anyone can do it.

As for your husband going away? My husband refused to go away, except for business where he had no choice, when our babies didn't sleep.

Afreshstartplease · 09/03/2017 07:21

Hi op I think we were on the same anti natal thread! My ds is 20 weeks

How would you feel about offering a bottle of formula at night?

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 09/03/2017 07:36

I've tried a bottle of formula at night, he took 5oz and woke up 90minutes later to be fed again!

I don't really want to give up feeding yet but me and DH have agreed I will be giving up at 6 months. I'm back at work just after at 7 months and need to be alert for my job.

I don't drink coffee or tea so shouldn't be caffeine and I have very little dairy although admittedly haven't tried giving it up altogether. My diet already isn't great and so I think I would struggle to get enough calories if I gave it up.

I know DS is only 4 months and so very young. He is struggling with the lack of sleep himself and it's making him grouchy in the day.

Sadly a night nanny is a luxury I definitely can't afford.

OP posts:
holidaysaregreat · 09/03/2017 07:40

Try hungry baby formula and perhaps introduce another bottle in the day. Also don't let him sleep so long in the day as he obviously isn't tired enough to sleep through. I would also try to stop stroking his hair etc as you might find he prefers his own space to relax. Not all babies want holding all the time.

Afreshstartplease · 09/03/2017 07:42

Does dh work weekends? Could you express at weekend and he can do a full night?

Isadora2007 · 09/03/2017 07:51

If your husband is on a stag weekend I'd not panic into making major changes just yet as this isn't a normal situation ?
Could be a late 4 month sleep regression and will pass soon and maybe a new skill will arrive. Definitely try to rest when you can if he is sleeping. Even if you think it might just be a half hour nap you never know... it's worth resting anyway.
This too shall pass

ineedaholidaynow · 09/03/2017 08:00

Who are you having lunch with? Any chance they can come to your house afterwards so they can keep any eye on DS whilst you have a nap?

Does he sleep in his pram even if it isn't moving. The only way I could get DS to sleep during the day was in his pram. Would go for a walk and then when came home he would continue sleeping in the pram. So would leave him in it, in the house. I never managed to get him to sleep in his cot during the day. Although he would sleep in it at night, and happily napped in a cot at nursery.

Littledrummergirl · 09/03/2017 08:06

If you are struggling and need sleep then I would check he is fed, winded and clean; put him somewhere he is safe (cot) and close the door. It's not a nice feeling but if you are so tired you lose control the consequences could be so much worse.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 09/03/2017 08:06

Yes if we go for a walk to get him to sleep he will stay asleep in the pram so I wheel him in to the kitchen.

Friends can't come back here as are all based quite far away but my parents are going to come over after work so I at least get a few hours to myself.

DH doesn't work weekends so could do a whole night, but DS doesn't take a bottle easily so would be a very difficult night for them both.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 09/03/2017 08:07

The first time you try formula he might not sleep because his routine is to wake for a feed, if that makes sense. I would try it again. I am in your position (albeit she is a better sleeper) with the feeding because I don't want to give it up yet (different reasons) but if I and the baby were struggling for sleep I would prioritise that. It's far more important that you are physically and mentally fit to care for her.

Afreshstartplease · 09/03/2017 08:08

I think you perhaps need to try it. Although it'll be difficult for them, it's currently difficult for you near enough all the time

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