Aibu to hate being a SAHM

[Za1ny]

I'm fed up.
I honestly didn't expect to hate this life but I do. I have two daughters one is 3.4 years and the baby is 10 months. All the baby wants to do is breastfeed constantly. I'm not lying I feel as though she has around 20 breastfeeds a day and yes she keeps me up at night nursing!
She doesn't seem interested in food I've tried spoon feeding / blwing but she prefers milk and no she won't take a bottle
Hv don't give a shit as baby is currently on 75th centile and hitting all milestones. She does eat food don't get me wrong but will still need the milk.
What about me though I am absolutely fed up. It's not just the bfing it's everything.
I have no support from anyone. Dh works long and couldn't really give a fuck when he comes home as he is 'tired' and my parents don't care either.

I've been ill for two weeks with the flu (the proper stuff I'm sure of it!) and nobody has bothered to ask if I need a hand with the kids or if I need anything. I feel like absolute shit/ It's been two weeks I've been ill but even when I'm not ill I just don't like this life.
I was fine when I only had dd1 but since having the baby I've started to feel like this. I left my well paid job like an idiot as I thought I'd want to be a sahm but no actually I don't

I've applied for another job but with no success.

i have no friends to talk to about this they are all single and with no kids and don't understand

I've got a dentist appointment tomorrow which I almost cancelled as I'm still under the weather but you know what, in going because I need a fucking break!!!! I will be on that dentist chair thinking this is bliss, half an hour to myself

Your H is a big problem, but rest, MH support and feeling more "on a level" might help you deal with that in due course.

Perhaps you could find a local CM or sitter for ad hoc sessions for the baby on a day DD is in nursery? And have some proper time off.

A return to work might put you in a better position if/when you leave your H. Is it too late to talk to your former employer about coming back? If not there will be a job for you, when you're ready.

Tell your H that rather than him going abroad you will use some of the money to go away for a few days, while he does the parenting.

justwantcookies ooh it feels good to kick someone when they are down , doesn't it?

I think the first stopl for you op is the gp, then the Breast feeding, you are going to have to give yourself some really tough love, and seprerate out the current crying from the crying in the p past that it reminds you of. The bf, sleepless nights, isolation and no support is more than anyone can take. You will be a better mum to her when you are less tied to her and exhausted. And once you are thinking straight you will be more likely to get an interview, and get a job.

OP - I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I've been a SAHM to 4 DC (all at school now), but I can distinctly remember an occasion when I collapsed into the dentist chair and almost cried in relief that it was a break! It's really tough.

The breastfeeding can seem overwhelming, but it will and has to end and then you won't remember anything about it. These feelings you have now will disappear. I agree that learning to drive should be a priority for you right now. The evenings are getting lighter. You could do lessons in the evenings when your DH is home. This will force him to look after the DC for an hour and give you a break - out of the house, doing something for yourself out of earshot of the kids. Sometimes that's all you need - an hour out of earshot of the crying and feeling like you're on a piece of elastic to the constant "mummy, mummy....!"

I think the main thing that helped me survive as a SAHM was that we're in Central London and having babies was a very social business for me. I knew that if it was all getting too much, I could just bundle up the kids, take them to the park or local coffee shop and I would always bump into another mum. I made sure that we did some kind of baby / toddler group every day, just for sanity really.

Your DH will not understand how you feel because he has never experienced it and it sounds like he has very little empathy. Are you serious when you say you want to leave him when the DC are older, or is it frustration and resentment talking?

The summer is coming at least. Start to take small steps. Book some driving lessons to begin with.

I hate seeing her cry it just reminds me of that day

Just a thought, but having a sick baby is an extremely traumatic experience. It sounds like you didn't process the emotions of that time properly because you put all your energy into coping. This has had a long term effect on how you parent, which has exhausted you.

Might be worth looking into counselling for this particular experience, as it sounds like you were okay with DD1.

second the learn to drive comments. i loved maternity leave - but without going on trips it would have been grim. it will also limit your work options if you decide to go back PT for example - if you can't drive

hello Za1ny ,

you are not alone! i was in your position with two young children at home. you're a great mum and you're right in asking 'what about me'?

can you enroll the three year old to pre school or nursery? it will def. help. as for breastfeeding, i had the same problem but with bedtime. you need to choose a day when you think you are least stressed and stop it or reduce it. I'm sure that the baby breastfeeds for comfort and not because she needs to drink milk. It will be hard work in the first couple of days but then the baby will get used to it. It's very similar to when you\re trying the bedtime routine using the crying it out method. The secret is that once you start doing something you do not give in, because that would be giving the message that with the right amount of crying she will get what she wants.

and get out of the house as much as you can. even if it's just to the nearby park but get out. fresh air works wonders.

Thank you everyone for your responses and suggestions.

i feel a lot better today having read your replies.

I think I will definitely focus on limiting the breastfeeds and introducing a bottle - no matter how hard it may be!

I am also going to be taking driving lessons as a matter of urgency as I really do believe that being stuck in the house the majority of the time is affecting my mental wellbeing.

I will also speak to my GP and see what advice they can give me.

Your husband sounds like an arsehole. Why doesn't he take any notice of his own kids? He wanted children what did he think it was going to be like. The fact that he's considering booking a holiday for himself only shows exactly how much value he places on you - precisely nill. If I were you I'd start getting my ducks in a row because this is no way to live.

OP if I was alone all day with 2 small kids, including a difficult baby and a non helpful husband I'd go completely mad. I find being a sahm difficult and I only have one toddler and I'm out and about every day at various activities. Driving needs to be a priority for you

Personally I'd go back to work & book some couples counselling.

Sorry, just read more - learn to drive, get job, ltb

It sounds like you could maybe pay for help.

Why not try to get a babysitter to come in and walk the baby out and about whilst you have an hour to yourself.
Ime mothers feel they SHOuld cope, they SHOuld love being with their babies, they SHOuld suck it up as they chose to have the children.
And this is mostly to do with what others will think of you if you admit to not wanting to be a SAHM, or you dare to get extra help in, especially if it is just to do soemthing self indulgent.
Sod all that. Being a SAHM is the hardest most thankless job there is.
Get some help. Anything. Get seomeon to come in so you can start driving lessons now.

OP something has to change with your husband. He is being an absolute prick, sorry but he is.

Do you have any family, friends, anyone, who can come and support you?

And is your husband literally away so he can't drop your toddler off at nursery? Because if he is at home, but won't do this, that's a huge fucking problem. You are completely trapped if you're ill, with a baby, and expected to get all three of you up ready and out of the house to get the older one to nursery.

I hope things get better for you. My DC never took to bottles either. Go with the cup, or a cup with a straw, or one of those MAM cups that's halfway between a bottle and a sippy cup.

www.mambaby.com/shop/us_us/baby-bottles-toddler-cups/sippy-cups/trainer-7-oz-1710.html?attribute=92&option=109

Not long now til the 10 month old can take cows milk either.

I know how hard it is to have a baby who wants nothing but the boob. Upside is, babies are adaptable. Best of luck xx