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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not wanting to get my shopping delivered

53 replies

charliebear78 · 08/03/2017 14:16

So,I am a bored Housewife and get my weekly Shopping Delivered.
I work out from home using the internet-keep reading this will make sense soon-One day after finishing a work out the Delivery turned up earlier so I was in full workout gear and a sweaty mess-Typically Delivery Guy was young,musular and good looking!-He then started to ask me lots of questions about Exercise blah blah blah-said at the end of our chat-"Well it obviously works,You look good!"
So,I was quite chuffed and once he had gone had a little chuckle and hair swish to myself!!!!
Fast forward to now and hes been a few more times(not always him)and I am starting to feel uncomfortable now.
I always make sure I am reasonably dressed(not in tight gym wear etc)and he still keeps asking me about exercise-dropping little comments like "oh you could be a fitness model">cringe and telling me how good I look.
He knows I have young children(they are running about the place when he brings the shopping in)He knows I have a partner as he asked me about the bikes in my garage(partners)
Everytime I see its him now I just feel anxious.
Yesterday after delivering the shopping he sent me a Facebook friend request and a message saying"You looked Hot Today!"
Haha-this could be the start of a terrible 80s Porno!
Gonna have to be straight with him aren't I ?
Except I am quite shy and that thought scares me-instead I would rather just smile and titter nervously while he complements me!
Argh!!!!
Feeling like changing to a different Supermarket-Except I LIKE the one we use and do not really want to.
Or should I just lap it up and laugh to myself when he's gone?

OP posts:

PoisonousSmurf · 08/03/2017 15:07

Only have evening deliveries. And BLOCK his FB request.

harderandharder2breathe · 08/03/2017 15:21

Stop flirting with him. Block him on FB. Use another supermarket. Only get deliveries when DH is around.

Hibu to track you down on fb

SquatBetty · 08/03/2017 15:34

I thought supermarkets ensured their drivers didn't do the same time and day deliveries each week for exactly this reason - they don't want drivers striking up rapports with customers because it could lead to various inappropriate situations.

Or maybe that's just Sainsburys that do this??

Sonders · 08/03/2017 15:44

I can't believe some PPs think because you accepted one compliment gives him permission to use your personal information to track you down and send something so inappropriate.

I'd report him, the guy has no sense of boundaries.

Original poster

charliebear78 · 08/03/2017 16:03

When I put "titter nervously" I guess I was trying to be funny.
I do not think I would report him,Most of you are right in the fact I have not put him in his place to begin with-I accepted the first complement-as I am sure most would and thought nothing of it.
It was after that when he continued that I should have said something.
Thanks I will reply to his msg and tell him I think it's not right.
Will also change the time slots around-no, He is not the only driver and it is different ones mostly.
I am sure however he cannot refuse to come to my home so at some point things will be awkward.
Thanks all just wanted some clarity on the silly situation I found myself in.
A few of you are quite blunt!-but hey that's why I like MumsNet.'

OP posts:

verytiredmummy1 · 08/03/2017 16:26

Sorry I think it would be mean to report him. You've not told him no!

NewPuppyMum · 09/03/2017 11:54

Better to just block him and not reply

MrsELM21 · 09/03/2017 12:18

Block him/don't reply on facebook and change the time of your delivery so DH is home, problem solved!

scottishdiem · 09/03/2017 12:56

I was ok with his behaviour until:

"Facebook friend request and a message saying"You looked Hot Today!"

Nope. That is too far. That is using details he got from his job to look you up on social media (probably not just Facebook either). That is breaking data protection rule (he needed work info to find your name etc). Him trying to flirt and then asking for a date or something (which is probably against company rules anyway) is one thing. Social media stalking is another.

RhiWrites · 10/03/2017 09:03

Amazed that people here think it's OP's fault did not telling him no.

Looking up customers details so you can privately message them is a misuse of data. It's so inappropriate.

Bantanddec · 10/03/2017 09:40

Tell him straight you're not interested, swishing you hair and thanking him for his compliments is not helping the situation and giving him mixed signals.

PippaPug · 10/03/2017 10:25

I thought supermarkets stopped the same driver going to the same address for this reason? I know Ocado don't ever have the same drivers twice

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/03/2017 10:29

OMG it's so very inappropriate. He shouldn't have used your contact details (which were only available to him via his employer) to find you on social media. That's really, REALLY not ok.

Graphista · 10/03/2017 10:36

Victim blaming much? As pp have said He is not allowed to use your personal information obtained through work to contact you AT ALL let alone sexually harass you!

He will have had this pointed out to him as there were several high profile cases last year and the supermarkets have clamped down on this (including as has been mentioned not having same driver on same route same time each week). They're under pressure to background check drivers, some do but not all.

Peanutandphoenix · 10/03/2017 10:38

Just get your shopping delivered on a day when your DP is there and give this lad the shock of his life when your DP answers the door to him like to see him try and flirt then.

DameXanaduBramble · 10/03/2017 10:39

I thought supermarkets stopped the same driver going to the same address for this reason? I know Ocado don't ever have the same drivers twice

You will have the same driver twice if there aren't many drivers at a certain supermarket, Ocado have loads. There is no such reason, where on earth did you hear that?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/03/2017 10:39

OP not to blame here. Swishing your hair and thanking someone for a compliment does not give them the right to use information about their home address and name, through their employer, to track them down and send them suggestive messages. NOT the OP's fault in the slightest.

DameXanaduBramble · 10/03/2017 10:40

The driver has breached data protection, what was he thinking?

WatchingFromTheWings · 10/03/2017 10:40

I'd report the Facebook thing. I'm pretty sure that's a breach of customer data....using your info to track you down.

EnormousTiger · 10/03/2017 11:08

I would just tell him to lay off and he probably will. No need to get him the sack. He is being very silly.
I have had a few who go beyond the call of duty but in my case one wanted to talk about his business he was setting up - he knew I was a lawyer and a few have wanted to have a look at the house! (usually very lovely ones here from abroad who have never seen such a big house and seem in awe).

My plan for years though was the shopping came the morning the cleaner was in and she answered the door and put it away - that was the most seamless process we ever had when it worked. I didn't even have to put the stuff into cupboards.

melj1213 · 10/03/2017 12:16

I think YABABU

You welcomed the flirting when it made you feel good, and you had plenty of opportunity to stop it or tell him he was crossing the line, but you didn't. Now he has stepped over the line, as he's misread the signals, it would be the time to reply to his message with a "Delivery driver, It appears you have misinterpreted our conversations during your deliveries as something they are not. I apologise if I lead you to believe that they were anything more than friendliness during the grocery drop off but that was not my intention and was definitely not the case. Sending a FB request and this message is inappropriate, please do not do so again or I will have to report it as harrassment. Thanks, CharlieBear"

If he's young he was probably trying to build up a rapport and have something to chat about - just like when cashiers try to make the checkout process a bit less awkward than just scanning the shopping in silence - it's an awkward thing for some people to be walking into customers houses and then be watched while they do their job and so often delivery drivers try to find something to chat about, whether it's "Was that GTA:5 I saw paused on the TV? I was thinking of getting it, is it a good game?" or if the homeowner has apologised for the house or something, "Honestly, don't worry about the mess you should see the chaos my kids create!" This particular delivery guy has just taken it a step too far in this case.

I thought supermarkets stopped the same driver going to the same address for this reason? I know Ocado don't ever have the same drivers twice

Pippa Ocado can do that as they are a huge operation, I work in a supermarket where we have 10 delivery drivers and an average of 50 deliveries a day (and that doesn't include the "order and collect at the store" service they also have to deal with) There is no way we could ensure a delivery driver didn't do the same delivery twice, it would be logistically impossible.

Graphista · 10/03/2017 21:27

Mel that's an appalling attitude, more victim blaming! Having the op APOLOGISE TO HIM? NO!!

He broke the law (in 2 ways) and acted massively unprofessionally! There is NEVER any excuse for blaming a victim of sexual harassment.

Original poster

charliebear78 · 11/03/2017 11:09

Thanks again for all the replies.
I know some posters seem to blame me for flirting back etc...but I do not think I did..I replied to his questions just like I would to any of the other Drivers that come and chat.
I may have smiled and laughed-is this considered flirting?then I must also flirt like mad with the window cleaner/the postman/etc etc.
Everytime he now comes to the house he makes comments about my figure and its this I do not feel comfortable with,plus the FB message.
I do not know where else he is going to go with this.
I will be telling him but I do not look forward to how awkward the next delivery will be.(probably will change Supermarkets for a bit also)
Thanks again.

OP posts:

StumblyMonkey · 11/03/2017 11:20

If it was just the compliments I'd tell you to pull your big girl pants up and say something to him.

I do think the FB add is completely inappropriate though. The company involved would be mortified to think he was doing that...not least because it means they (because of his actions) are breaching data protection laws as he (an employee) is using your personal data in an inappropriate way.

I had this once...picked up from the airport by a taxi driver at night after coming back from a work trip that I did every week. The taxi driver barely said a word to me in the car but about 1.30am the next night tried to add me on FB. The fact he could be picking me up at any time of the night as a lone female passenger made me very, very uncomfortable.

I reported him and the guy I reported it to seemed to take it very seriously. I didn't want to change taxi companies but then used to specifically request anyone but him.

StumblyMonkey · 11/03/2017 11:21

I do like this response though from Pommes

Respond to his compliments with "thanks, my lovely husband thinks so too."

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