To not go to the wedding?

[Reddress89]

ExH and I have been divorced for 3 nearly 4 years. We have 3 DCs aged 3.5, 5 and 9. We split on mutual grounds. We both got to the stage where we realised we no longer loved each other and it just wasn't working. We get on fine now, we're not "best friends" but we don't hate each other. He's a wonderful dad and has a fab relationship with the DCs. Anyway, 2 years ago he got together with our old neighbour who lived across the road from us when we lived together. Get on well with her also, she's very pleasant and is fantastic with the DCs too. She's well off so olans great days out for the kids which I am very happy with. They have a 9mo together now and are getting married this summer. Annnywaaay, today, much to my surprise I received an invite to their wedding. Not just the reception but the whole damn day. Now despite having a good relationship with my ExH I wouldn't consider myself a close friend and whilst I have absolutely no feelings for the bloke anymore, I just find it so odd that they would invite me? I get that they want our DCs to be there which is fine - I have already made arrangements for them to get there & back etc. I just feel so weird about going myself?! AIBU to not want to go..... I really don't want to damage a good relationship with the father of my kids which is what I'm at risk of doing if I say no! Ugh I'm so stuck, I seriously don not want to go to this wedding.

I'm sure they invited you because they wanted you there as the mother of your exH's children and not just out of politeness. If you feel awkward about going then politely decline and tell the truth why. But why not share this day with your children? You may enjoy it.

I think the offer was genuine and you should go. I wonder if its the ceremony part that is a bit weird? Can you go to the meal and speeches and stuff but skip the bit beforehand?

It sounds like a lovely and very mature thing for them to do, and it is lovely that you are all amicable.

I think going would be very awkward, and like others, I agree that they probably don't expect you to attend. I would decline politely and send a nice card.

I think it is polite for them to invite you, and also polite for you to politely decline.

This. It's really difficult, if they excluded you it would look like they had a problem or were being ungracious. They'll probably be more comfortable if you're not there. Polite decline and present.

I was invited to my exh's wedding 3 years after our divorce, and we didn't even have any children! (Although by this time I'd had a baby)
We had remained on friendly terms and in fact still saw each other fairly regularly as we had a lot of shared friends. I felt fine about it but wasn't sure if it would look a bit odd to all his relatives who had been at our wedding. He said it would be really amusing to see the looks on their faces.
Yes, he was very immature, but he was right. It was rather amusing.
Fortunately his new wife thought so too. It was fine.

I think it's actually quite nice of them actually. You are friends with both of them, both parents to your children and your mutual friends will be there. It's a good, positive thing for your children that despite not being together that you can still be there for each other and are all the same family.

In the future you will all be attending graduations/marriages/births etc for your children, I think it's pretty amazing that you can have such a relationship moving on.

I would send a gift and a lovely message saying I'm honoured to have received an invite , thankyou ever so much. I would not want to
Intrude on your special day but wish you all the happiness and a wonderful future together xxx

I would go.