Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've raised terrible children, can I change this or should I LTBs?

65 replies

FoolishFly · 07/03/2017 13:52

My DDs - 9 & 12, seem to do fuck all round the home unless they absolutely have to.

The cereal bowls never make it near the dishwasher let alone inside. One will put her washing away if asked very firmly but never put a stray sisterly sock away as well.

Everything is not fair or I emptied the dishwasher last week.

I've raised terrible children IABU, can I change this or should I leave the bastards?

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 15:25

Do they get pocket money, phones paid for etc? If so, call a family meeting to inform that, as you and their DF earn your keep by going out to work/caring for the house & family....you've both (its important you're both on board here) drawn up a children's chore schedule which you wish to discuss as a family unit. Be prepared to be flexible, (put more stuff on there than you expect them to do, it gives you manoeuvre room). Tell them that the (age related) chores must be completed to your satisfaction each week, before any money changes hands! Most importantly STICK TO IT DO NOT ALLOW IT TO SLIDE EVEN ONCE then see how you go....but remember, if they don't do their chores in full, money will be deducted! I know it's hard, but come on, why should they do absolutely nothing around the house, they're not babies!

TENSHI · 07/03/2017 15:27

My family team efforts have been continuing since we decided as a family we would rather save the money that would have gone to our Au Pair on wages.

All our dc moaned to us about how they wanted to go skiing and we told them we couldn't afford it...unless the Au Pair went.

But in order to do that we needed to divide up all her jobs amongst all of us. The dc were more than willing to say they were too old for an Au Pair and could do the jobs themselves Grin

So when her contract ended the Family Team Action Plan was put into action (more than 11 years ago now).

We have added a few jobs to the mix and it works fantastically!

I do smile a little to myself when they remind each other to keep things clean and tidy Grin

Catrina1234 · 07/03/2017 15:29

I cannot believe these posts - someone is calling them "little bastards" and someone else suggests leaving "Orphanage brochures" around the house. I hope it was a joke. There are no such thing as orphanages any more.

OP are you serious about LTBs - maybe it's a joke - I hope so. And for goodness sake they're just young girls and I'm damn sure not many children of that age do much in the way of chores. You should thank your lucky stars you have have 2 lovely DDs - I'm just back from the hospital with my friend visiting her DD who has leukemia.

BeMorePanda · 07/03/2017 15:33

When my DC start getting a bit uppity and taking me for granted and moaning about doing minor chores they are asked to do (they are 5 & 9), I will declare that they are "on a short leash" and we are going "back to basics" until attitudes change.

This means:
I work to rule - they get the basics of care but i stop any extras (this is hard for me to do but I do it);
Nothing, and I mean nothing happens until what they have been asked to do is done;
Early nights;
I lounge around drinking tea/coffee/reading magazines and doing what I want a lot more;
No screen time;
No treats.

They very quickly stop humping about contributing to the home we all live in, realise/remember all the things I do for them, and it works. I haven't had to do it for some time now. Grin

Lweji · 07/03/2017 15:34

OP are you serious about LTBs - maybe it's a joke - I hope so.

I'm pretty sure she's serious.

As are all her posts.

Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 15:35

Oh for goodness sake Catrina of course we are all joking.....it's good to let off some steam in this safe environment! And yes FYI, kids that age do, and most certainly should be helping around the house.....how the hell will they learn to look after themselves otherwise!! Hmm

BeMorePanda · 07/03/2017 15:35

the OP isn't replying ATM - she's too busy trying to figure out what ebay category she is going to put them under .

Lweji · 07/03/2017 15:37

Mine gets pocket money for doing specific chores at home, which is not much, actually. I must update the list.

I don't need to cut his pocket money because he's quite good with his tasks, but then he also forgets to ask for it, so I don't think he'd notice it.

Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 15:38

Well said Bemore
Leweji of course she's not serious!

Lweji · 07/03/2017 15:39

Leweji of course she's not serious!

Grin Wink
Original poster
FoolishFly · 07/03/2017 15:43

Catrina I and I'm sure all the PPs on this thread are sorry to hear about your friend's daughter.

This thread is not about dealing with life changing events it's about the little daily things - tidying up, growing up and teaching your children to take responsibility for their possessions and others. It's how I as a mother get on with my job raising children who will grow up and how I motivate them whilst keeping my sanity.

You are correct about the Orphanages, I saw a documentary about the closure of one called the Blues Brothers, very moving.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 07/03/2017 15:44

No need to LTB's!! Just hang on in there long enough and they will leave of their own accord.

seriously who hasn't had their head in their hands over pre teens. the hormones are all over the place, its a time of change/moving school, taking on more responsibility.

it will all be over soon OP - have some cake and a cup of tea.

EchoesofEmpires · 07/03/2017 15:44

Definitely LTBs, OP. Make a chore rota, tell them once to stick to it and then do LTBs, as in make yourself as unavailable as possible to do the stuff they want/need you to do, and don't mediate between them. Make them work it out between them. It's hard at first because you'll want to jump in and just do it in order to get it done so you have to resist that temptation. it can work. When I got tired of constantly asking mine to do stuff, then telling them to do stuff, then screaming blue bloody murder for them to do stuff I just stopped doing certain stuff myself and I stopped being their referee (absent actual swearing or violence obviously).
Can't find a single matched pair of clean socks? Yeah? Must be that all your strays are still on the floor where your sib left them last time I asked her to bring the laundry but then you didn't hang her coat up when I asked you to did you? Don't want to eat your dinner out of a Tupperware box, sorry, but no one loaded/unloaded the dishwasher so we have no clean plates - not my problem whose turn it is, figure it out.

Oblomov17 · 07/03/2017 15:46

My 2 have jobs to do. They do them. But not really willingly. Rarely. Which I really don't like.
Kids these days seem quite generally entitled and unappreciative. I don't like that. I doubt it will change. Generational thing. I wasn't like that. But I'm not sure there's much that can be done.

BeMorePanda · 07/03/2017 15:46

I saw a documentary about the closure of one called the Blues Brothers, very moving.

Holy crap that made me laugh!

I've raised terrible children, can I change this or should I LTBs?
JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 07/03/2017 15:48

Turn off the wifi. Until they fall in and shape up, its nil by wifi.

Lweji · 07/03/2017 15:50

Oh, the documentary was called Blues Brothers! Doh! I completely missed that one.

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/03/2017 15:56

Just send them on a really REALLY long walk by themselves into the woods. Give them a chunk of bread each and tell them to leave a little trail of crumbs. You'll catch up with them later...

Then put your feet up, stick on a DVD and open some chocolate.

Cagliostro · 07/03/2017 16:02

I am guilty of not getting mine doing enough at an early age, I am starting to get them to do more now though (7 and 9)

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2017 16:04

One will put her washing away if asked very firmly but never put a stray sisterly sock away as well.

I don't ask my kids to do things they need to do, I tell them. So I would say, "Ok, you need to put your washing away now" Or "It's time to do your homework".

If I want a favour, then I ask. So I might say, "Can you put the kettle on please" Or "Can you pass the salt please".

Elendon · 07/03/2017 16:05

Tell them if they don't help around the house you are going to the next parents evening dressed as a Victorian Lady. And that from henceforth, you shalt be addressed as mama.

It worked for me.

Cagliostro · 07/03/2017 16:10

One thing I did manage to hand over to the DCs a few years ago was putting their own clothes away, when they complain that there's too many and it takes too long, I just say ah well clearly we should get rid of most of them then - worked a treat, especially DD who is starting to get 'into' clothing now.

frenchfancy · 07/03/2017 16:10

Small but simple changes, for example:

Stop telling them dinner is ready and start telling them it is time to set the table.

No tech after eating until dishwasher is done.

Make the rules and then stick to them. Do it now before they turn into teens and the teens should then just keep doing it.

BeMorePanda · 07/03/2017 16:11

Tell them if they don't help around the house you are going to the next parents evening dressed as a Victorian Lady. And that from henceforth, you shalt be addressed as mama.
Grin

babybarrister · 07/03/2017 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.