To sleep train?

[Eeffy]

He's one. Still not sleeping through although he's come close a few times so I know physically he can. I'm tired and back to work full time in a few weeks

He's still bf at night - normally 2 feeds. I could cope with 2 quick feeds but recently he's not setting after 45 mins and we often end up cosleeping just to get some sleep

He's never self settled - rocked or fed to sleep. Cries the minute he goes in cot awake and can really ramp up the hysterics quickly. Won't lie down just stands up and shakes bars

Hate my baby crying and don't know how I feel about sleep training but I feel he's sleeps gone backwards recently and I've not had a solid nights sleep in over a year. Aibu considering it?

Self settling isn't a myth. You can teach a baby to self settle. You may not want to and that's fair enough, but it really isn't a "myth" that they can do it.

Of course self-settling is not a myth.

This article sums up what I think about self-soothing, but I understand people have different experiences and I absolutely think you must do what you feel is right for your own child - no one else can make that decision for you.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/amp/

I sleep trained DD at 13mths. She was awake and feeding constantly between midnight and 5am, I was back at work, had an older child and desperate. We had been co sleeping but she just wouldn't settle in bed with us. She wanted to feed and play all night. I couldn't face sitting with her for hours in her room or leaving her to cry alone so I used a travel cot by our bed for when she woke up in the night. DH now gets her when she wakes, gives her a cuddle and a drink of water and puts her in the travel cot. She still cries sometimes but we can talk to her and still doze ourselves. Her sleeping is so much better. I never wanted to sleep train but it did work for us.

I don't care what Sarah frigging hockwell smith says, my boy was a different baby after he was sleep trained.

Prior to sleep training he was a miserable, grumpy, overtired mess. Post sleep training he goes to bed smiling and sleeps til morning for the most part. Wakes up happy.

I know which I prefer.

As I said @Bakedappleflavour each to their own - glad it worked for you, and I'm sure a hell of a lot of other parents swear by it, but it's not for me.

I second Bean Babies suggestion - maternity nurses have sleep trained lots of babies and are very gentle, caring and as they are not emotionally attached, can tell if baby is distressed crying, annoyed crying etc and guide you all through it. It's a life skill the baby must learn and will set him up for a lifetime of being able to lie down, relax and sleeeeeeep zzzzz where ever he is. Good luck

Sleep training doesn't have to mean leaving your baby to cry.

We have had an awful time of our 1yo (21months) daughters sleep for the past few months. Not sleeping until 10pm despite bedtime at 730, and awake for an average of 4hrs between 12 and 6. DH and I both working and on our knees with exhaustion.

We have spoken to a sleep consultant and have tried a method of soothing DD in her cot. We explained that once she goes in the cot, she stays there all night. The first night she cried for over an hour at bedtime but we were right there with her and cuddling her in the cot. She eventually went to sleep in her cot. That night she slept through!! It was like a miracle. Up and down since but we are now at 1 wake a night usually, settling quickly with us just going in and going 'ssh'! I read a thread about this on mumsnet which I found really helpful, will try and post a link in a minute. I know different things work for different people though and for this reason I would also recommend a sleep consultant. They can tailor a solution to your child. Expensive but we were at the point where we would have paid just for one nights rest, never mind a longer term solution.

Overall YANBU to try to change this miserable situation. My DD has been a far happier child since she started sleeping, and we are starting to feel more human too. Do what you have to to achieve this within the boundaries of what you and your DD are happy with, I say.

Link to the thread I mentioned just now.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

nutbrown

Did you go back to work? You obviously had the money to hire a sleep consultant?

Ok well good for you there but I crashed my car when ds 1 was a 9 months old and pregnant with ds2. It was because I was chronically tired.

So sleep training started and it was the best thing we ever did. It's intrinsically gentle you don't just let them cry it out you know.

Ds 2 and dd3/4 all were sleep trained from 8/9 months old and it's simply magic.

Op you need sleep don't be bullied into feeling that you are putting your baby's needs after yours that's crap. All parents need sleep and so do babies.

Mummy martyrs can choose their own way.

baked i don't care what Sarah frigging Hopwell Smith says

That made me laugh out loud.

Try the baby whisperer sleep training. Worked wonders with my son at about the same age. You basically put them to bed awake but sleepy and then pick them up and cuddle them every time they cry. But - this is the key - put them down again as soon as they stop crying. There is a lot of crying, I won't lie, but it's all done in your arms, so doesn't feel as awful. Think it took 30 mins the first night, 15 the second and then he just got it. It taught him to self settle and get to sleep in his cot. After that he would arch towards his cot when sleepy as that's where he knew how to get to sleep. And he was able to knit his sleep cycles together over night so only woke when hungry. Totally saved my sanity! Good luck. xx

nutbrow You seem to be having issues, why are you so defensive if you are comfortable with your choices?
Or maybe it is the sleep deprivation that is making you grumpy?

Whilst I don't agree with InMemoryOfSleep , I am much more inclined to understand her point of view and learn from it, just because of the tone of her posts.

brew

I'm a bit ranty when it comes to her

I remember reading her stuff when DS was waking every 30 minutes and not going back to sleep for 2 hours after and shouting at the laptop THANKS FOR NOTHING!!!!

Lol @Bakedappleflavour I do know where you're coming from - she's certainly not your woman if you're looking for a solution! But she strikes a chord with me - her philosophy 'fits' with my instincts, and in the end I think that's all you can do - go with your instincts and do what you think is right.

I'm not saying that if someone turned up at 3am and offered me a night's sleep for £100 I wouldn't gladly pay it but I also wouldn't employ most sleep training methods in the day, so for me that also makes them a no-go at night. I think whatever decision the OP makes has to be an informed choice - so with knowledge around what's 'normal', and what to expect if you don't want to sleep train, and the right decisionfor her and her family.

This option is a bit expensive, but I intend on getting one to help us out if we need it.

www.happiestbaby.com/products/57fc1c5bca82b6110015f275

It has great reviews, but it depends on what you feel comfortable with. It also helps with educating the baby about self-settling and let's you know if there might be something else going on.

DS was waking every 45 minutes. I was back at work full time. 2 nights and he has been sleeping through ever since. Was of course also a lot happer and rested himself. Does not seem to be damaged in any way.
Go for it.

Everything I've ever read and heard from family/friends is never nurse to sleep in the first place because it just causes trouble down the line. Is that not true?

I have sleep trained all three of mine at circa 6 months. Worked very quickly with no ill effects and wonderful, wonderful full nights' sleep thereafter. Yes they still occasionally wake up when unwell, bad dream etc which is fine, but month after month of broken sleep for you & baby doesn't do anyone any good.

My children are well adjusted and happy, and I have a very close bond with them. Sleep training has done them no harm whatsoever!!!

Sleep training here. Ds is ready. Although the crying would have you think otherwise. I'm allowing the crying for up to five mins, going back in to soothe, and repeat. Last night I put my hand through cot and held his hand, patted his back and eventually he went off. Took an hour and a half total mind, but the bath I had after was a celebration 😂

Yes agree mine are now grown up and teenagers and if sleep training is responsible for 4 happy well adjusted and successful people well fine that's grand.

I admire you Inmemory you are doing what's best for your family as sleep training was best for mine. Each to own here defiantly.

I agree baked to me telling parents of a 1 year old it's still ok to have sleepless night after sleepless night is unhelpful and incorrect but you get these people writing books and they have to say something different or edgy to sell them.

Wando, really helpful.

Nearly an hour to settle again tonight I can't do this anymore - before Christmas he would we go straight back to sleep and it was fine but this isn't ok

His dad is in bed with now because he was clawing to get back on the boob it's making me hate bf a bit even though ive always enjoyed it

[Link]www.nhs.uk/news/2012/09September/Pages/Controlled-crying-safe-for-babies.aspx[/Link]

www.nhs.uk/news/2012/09September/Pages/Controlled-crying-safe-for-babies.aspx

A night m nurse or sleep consultant bis definitely not an option! I'm on a normal NHS salary not a munsnet one!