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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I got scammed by a man in a wheelchair?

78 replies

user1488540182 · 05/03/2017 22:03

urgh.... here is the story..
I was doing a bit of light shopping in a supermarket when out of nowhere a man in a wheelchair approached me. English was obviously not his first language and he seemed to have a learning disability. He asked for £1.90 to help pay for a ready meal and some hot cross buns he was holding on his lap. I gave him 30p loose change as I didn't have any cash on me. He looked so disappointed that he didn't have enough money, I felt so sorry for him that I offered to buy the ready meal for him. It was only £2.90 anyway. After i paid for it he asked for the receipt took the meal and barely said "thank you". i brushed it off but felt satisfied that i had helped someone in need. I finished off my shopping and decided to buy a magazine near the customer service desk when I turned around and saw the man in the wheelchair queuing up with the meal and receipt in his hand. The penny dropped then, . The thing is I used my debit card to pay for his meal. when he saw me he wheeled away. I saw the manager, and had a queit word in her ear, to not give this man a refund as it was with my debit card. He was hanging around at the exit waiting for me to go! Just makes me really mad that people can stoop so low like that. I'm going to have to be more streetwise in future...!

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 08:56

My rule of thumb is to assume everyone is a scammer. There was a thread recently that illustrated why people do it - someone posted a theoretical question about whether people would give her a fiver and her inbox was full of offers.

A lot of people say 'well they must be desperate' or 'I would rather be scammed than think of someone going without' but the problem with that is that it is what encourages scammers in the first place.

We have a lot of people in the town in which I work who come up and ask for a quid with some bullshit excuse. They do it all the time because it works. And if you say no, they give you a mouthful of abuse, because they are used to gullible people handing them money. So giving to randomers isn't always such a lovely thing to do.

RoboticSealpup · 06/03/2017 08:58

People with learning disabilities have a really hard time currently with capacity for work assessments declaring that they should go and compete on the employment market even if they lack skills. I used to work in social care and supported people who didn't know how to tell the time, take public transport and couldn't manage to look the person they were talking to in the face (instead looking down and mumbling). Some couldn't use a phone. Some had to stick to an exact routine every day without fail, taking hours to get ready on the morning.

And some of these people were declared fit for work, simply because they were not physically disabled, or didn't have an official mental health diagnosis. Some of them were very apprehensive of health professionals and would not have agreed to such an investigation anyway. Many also misunderstood the intentions of the assessor, and tried to make themselves seem less disabled in order to 'look good'. Many lacked the insight to describe their disability accurately. I was there to help with that, but many don't have any such support, especially with all the cuts to public services and local government budgets.

But yeah, make sure you don't accidentally help any of these people, unless it's 100% on your terms, or whatever...

WatchHowISoar · 06/03/2017 09:06

He doesn't have to be desperate for £3, he said he was desperate for food and op had no cash on her just debit card. Local scammer would just ask for two pounds for food, desperate? No. After a days work he'd have far more than that.

WatchHowISoar · 06/03/2017 09:09

It's a shame some scanners have ruined it for the genuine but I only everb gave to begged if I had some stray coins. A friend in London had her purse nicked when she went to get money out. Sadly she was scammed by a thief. As a result she no longer gives.

ParkerNosey · 06/03/2017 09:31

But just think how desperate he was for £2.99 to work that hard for it.

HappyFlappy · 06/03/2017 09:38

You'd have to pretty desperate to do something like that for £3. I'm sure he probably needed the money.

Yes - but those three quads soon add up. If he can con 10 people in a couple of hours - and possibly out of more cash than that sometimes - he's making a good few quid.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 09:42

So you assume that people are genuine Robot? That's your choice - you are giving 'on your own terms' too. Personally I choose not to give as i don't know if they are legit.

Kiroro · 06/03/2017 10:22

But just think how desperate he was for £2.99 to work that hard for it.

No way, quite easy money.

I bet he can get at least 3x gullible people an hour - that is £9/hour, tax free. Better than the loving wage...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 10:24

Exactly that - and asking people for stuff is not 'working hard'. Scammers must rub their hands together with delight when they see these kind of threads - no wonder they do it, so many kind but gullible people out there who want to feel the warm glow they get when helping a stranger

RoboticSealpup · 06/03/2017 10:41

So you assume that people are genuine Robot?

Depends what you mean by genuine. See below.

asking people for stuff is not 'working hard'

No, but it involves debasing yourself, which, to me, suggests desperation.

hackneyandbow · 06/03/2017 11:43

i would want that for my own records

what records?! 😂

Original poster
user1488540182 · 06/03/2017 11:46

It hasn't put me off lending a helping hand to a person in need. Yes, it was only £2.90. But it was the dishonesty that offended me, waiting for me to exit the shop to perhaps try it on with another person.

OP posts:
melj1213 · 06/03/2017 11:55

Yes, I did melj1213 just don't understand why the OP was so bothered that he was returning the item for the princely sum of £2.90. She should either give with good grace or not at all.

It's the deception and the feeling of being manipulated.

The man approached the OP because he claimed to be short some money to buy the food he had. She didn't have money to give him so she offered to buy the food outright on her debit card. He agreed and let the OP pay and almost immediately the man went to get the cash.

If he'd just asked for cash up front, the OP would have said no because she didn't have any on her, the only way he got that money was because although the the OP didn't have money on them they could still buy items and the man manipulated the situation to get the money.

It's no different to if a friend asked to borrow £10 to top up her electric meter and then spent it on beer ... I gave the money for a specific reason - the one I was asked to lend it for. If they'd said that they couldn't afford to buy a drink I would have probably given them the money anyway, but maybe it's the week before payday so I couldn't really afford to lend £10 for luxuries like beer but could stretch to lending it for "essentials" like helping a friend top up their electric.

ToastVacuum · 06/03/2017 12:00

Just wondering what the relevance of the wheelchair is. A scammer is a scammer.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 13:19

So you would assume someone was genuine because they 'debased' themselves enough to ask for money? You are obviously a nice person.

Seeing the same assholes approaching people every week with the same excuse does tend to make me cynical. I understand the argument that people would rather not chance a stranger genuinely going without but I prefer not to chance being scammed

RoboticSealpup · 06/03/2017 15:42

So you would assume someone was genuine because they 'debased' themselves enough to ask for money?

Not necessarily genuine in the sense that they needed the money for what they said they needed it for. But I'd assume they had some genuine problems, yes. I don't know anyone who goes around asking strangers for money. It's not a 'normal' thing to do. Those who have approached me in the past usually have often appeared to have pretty severe substance misuse issues or mental health problems. I don't always (or even usually) give them money, and I don't particularly like being asked, but if I did give someone money for food and they used it for something else, I wouldn't care.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 15:50

I wouldn't judge what they needed the money for either - I just wouldn't give it in the first place. Not everyone who goes round blagging money has 'genuine problems' - some of them are just scamming bastards unfortunately. And if they are genuine then my few quid or whatever isn't going to make any difference to their lives long term (or even short term). I don't choose who is 'worthy' or not, it's less bother to not give at all.

Having seen the same people with the same excuses week after week it would test the most philanthropic person Grin

RoboticSealpup · 06/03/2017 17:24

Not everyone who goes round blagging money has 'genuine problems' - some of them are just scamming bastards unfortunately.

Do you mean that they have jobs, money, a place to live and enough to eat, but they go around asking people for cash so they can buy booze? If that's what you mean, how do you know that this is the case?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 17:33

who said anything about buying booze? I don't care what they spend 'their' money on - they aren't getting any from me anyway.

When I used to smoke they used to try to scrounge cigarettes off me too.

Someone in my area got sent down for scamming old ladies in their homes - he used to try to get money out of randomers in the street too, telling them he needed to 'visit his girlfriend who was in labour' - unsurprisingly there was no girlfriend and she would have been in labour for months!

Some MAY do it out of desperation but some do it because they can and there are people gullible enough to fall for it.

That's fine until you get a mouthful of abuse for not being a soft touch. So those of you who are trying to be kind, just bear in mind that they are used to It and can turn on those who don't give them what they want.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/03/2017 17:34

And I know they probably aren't all scammers but I would prefer to give my money to the causes I support rather than some random con artist

PossumInAPearTree · 06/03/2017 17:44

He may not have needed the wheelchair.

There's someone who begs in our town and in fairness he does have a genuine disability which he couldn't fake. He looks homeless but he isn't. He lives in a city forty miles away with his family in quite an ok house, he either gets the train to our town or gets a lift with a relative.

Local paper did an expose on him, he used to frequently get the train down to London and beg on oxford st but has an asbo now banning him from central London.

His brother also begs and is on crutches but local paper took photos of him walking along carrying the crutches. So I'm suspicious of everyone now.

Gatehouse77 · 06/03/2017 17:48

I've had cash refunds for returning goods paid for by card at Sainsbury's.
I imagine he or someone known that him has done a scam like this before so he knew he'd get cash back.

I can't believe the bare-faced audacity of con artists/thieves. I was in an M&S food shop (in a small retail park) one day chatting with someone I had bumped into. This guy walked in, filled up a basket and walked straight out! Got into his car and drove off. Security and the manager followed very quickly after and security nearer the exit caught him.

So brazen!

bruffin · 06/03/2017 18:02

I work for a dealership, a car was on the forecourt with keys in it and 2 salesmen standing next to it.
A man walked up and jumped and drove offShock

unfortunateevents · 06/03/2017 18:09

Just watched the security in our local supermarket apprehend a guy in a wheelchair and his companion who had nicked some whisky!

CountClueless · 06/03/2017 18:19

If anyone is that desperate for a couple of quid that they will go to such lengths, they are welcome to it in my book. Plus the dudes already in a wheelchair.
Why do you care? You weren't scammed.You were happy enough to give him a couple of quid, so what is the difference?

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