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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving the kids there

322 replies

cheeeeselover · 05/03/2017 16:39

More of a WWYD I suppose. I have a weekend booked at centerparcs for me and the kids it's for a Friday to Monday. Kids are 14,13 and 11.

I have the Friday and Monday booked off work but have been asked to attend a meeting on Sunday evening. I work about 45 minutes from centerparcs so easy to nip back for the meeting.

Would it unreasonable to leave the kids at centerparcs instead of dragging then with me? They are all good swimmers and very responsible and when we are there they always set off swimming earlier than me and I join them later on. I'd be away from about 5pm to 8.30pm . I would leave them the villa key and money to get themselves a pizza and they can leave the pool when they are ready and go back to the villa. I'm sure they would prefer this than being dragged from their holiday to sit outside a meeting.

They have been left at home for this length of time before and no problems. My only concern is that I'll be 45 minutes away and not sure if I'd even be allowed to leave them there if I had left the holiday village.

What would you do?

OP posts:

celtiethree · 05/03/2017 18:29

The best memories I have from when I was a kid was playing/swimming/exploring with my siblings & friends, no parent involvement required. The kids are 14, 13, 11 and would prob love the unsupervised time. Isn't that why most people go to Center Parcs? To give their kids plenty of freedom?

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 18:30

If you do go to this vital meeting just think of what lovely memories you'll be making for your dc 'remember that fabulous weekend away where dm left us alone for hours to go to work, ah those were the days!!

itsmine that is not how teenagers think. Also, way to make working parents feel guilty. My mum frequently worked while we were on holiday as she was self-employed. It did not make me resent her in the slightest.

toomuchtvandsocialmedia · 05/03/2017 18:32

If it's Elvedon Forest bear in mind that there is no phone signal so they'll need a clear plan if they need to contact an adult. Other than that, if you would be happy for them to go swimming in their local pool on their own, I can't see that leaving them at Centre Parcs is any different.

andontothenext · 05/03/2017 18:37

A meeting on a Sunday evening?

And why can this meeting not be rescheduled or done via a conference call?

witsender · 05/03/2017 18:52

I'm not sure many of those commenting can have worked at levels at which this sort of thing is commonplace, and expected. As a partner, you are expected to do this sort of thing...Let's not turn this into a guilt the working mother trope.

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:01

You will be asked to leave as soon as you drive back in without your dc. Most likely banned from ever returning

Hahahahahaha yeah course you will

itsmine · 05/03/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:05

No we're all sahps or on benefits

Well, I did actually wonder, because there seemed to be a complete lack of understanding that in certain jobs, you do have to be available at weekends and during booked annual leave. You can't just say this is 'me-time' or 'family-time' because it would not be accepted. It's not a question of assertiveness, it's just that certain industries, especially at high levels, work this way. The client may be paying you hundreds of pounds an hour and he/she expects you to be available.

I am also guessing that most of the posters would not have an issue with men having to work weekends or during holidays....

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/03/2017 19:27

I previously worked as a senior associate in a large international law firm. Even the most cunty partners there would not have required someone to leave their children unattended to go to a meeting in person under those circumstances. Not because they really care if your kids drown at center parcs but even because they realised the risk of a claim.

itsmine · 05/03/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rumdoodler1 · 05/03/2017 19:33

Why don't you just get a baby sitter from somewhere like Sitters of from CP itself (I would have thought they must have them) then you don't have to worry about what might be going on

MrsTarzan1 · 05/03/2017 19:35

I've been to CP loads and often see groups of teens in the rapids, on rides alone so I wouldn't see them and think that unusual.

You know your kids, they sound like they'll be fine with it

LakieLady · 05/03/2017 19:35

I have never worked anywhere where anyone would be expected to attend a meeting on a day that they weren't supposed to be working.

Sounds like your employers need a lesson in work/life balance.

And what would have happened if you'd booked a weekend in Paris or something? Would they expect you to jump on the Eurostar and nip back for a meeting?

celtiethree · 05/03/2017 19:44

And I know many employers that would expect the OP to cancel her weekend at the last minute if there was a business need.

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:46

And I know many employers that would expect the OP to cancel her weekend at the last minute if there was a business need

Yup, me too sadly. Just because you have anecdotal evidence of things being different at your workplace does not mean that the OP can simply sack the meeting off.

callmeadoctor · 05/03/2017 19:47

I would definitely Skype the meeting. (Alternatively Center parks do have babysitting services, unless u can get an adult to sit). But in your case I would Skype, makes no difference you being there does it? Imagine the headlines, hell if one of them came off their bike and broke their arm!!! (Apart from anything, you would not forgive yourself) plus Im pretty sure that Centre Parcs wouldn't allow it if they knew!

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:48

And what would have happened if you'd booked a weekend in Paris or something? Would they expect you to jump on the Eurostar and nip back for a meeting?

At the firm where I trained, they made a partner fly back from his holiday in Dubai the same day. I say 'made'- nobody was holding a gun to his head but he knew that was what was expected of him and he did it. So yes, jumping on the Eurostar would be pretty trivial.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/03/2017 19:52

But even if your employer requires you to cancel the weekend, the children would still be left at home unattended whilst OP went to the meeting.

It's the leaving children unattended des tang even the most shitty firm would normally draw a line at. However, as I said up thread, I suspect this meeting is to glad hand a possible new client and OP is concerned that if she's not there in person one of the male partners with no child care issues whatsoever will muscle in.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/03/2017 19:53

At the firm where I trained, they made a partner fly back from his holiday in Dubai the same day.

Did they make him leave his kids alone?

callmeadoctor · 05/03/2017 19:53

Laughing at the Center Parcs won't really care posts, you are joking aren't you?

callmeadoctor · 05/03/2017 19:56

Hang on, just realised that if its not this Sunday (obviously), then its not an emergency anyway. Plenty of time to either arrange a Skype conference call or book a centre parks babysitter, or ask a friend to have a "day pass" and look after them while you are away.

allchattedout · 05/03/2017 19:57

Did they make him leave his kids alone?

No, like nearly all the male partners with kids, he had a wife who was a SAHM/a nanny. They didn't ask or give a shit about the kids though. Some employers or clients don't think like that. It is assumed that if you have kids, you sort childcare. Anyway, the OP said that the alternative was that she bring the kids to the meeting place, but that they would no doubt find it boring.

Original poster

cheeeeselover · 05/03/2017 20:29

I'll clarify regarding the work situation. I never work weekends and keep my hours Monday to Friday sometimes doing some evening work once kids are in bed from home. It's a new startup company , I am one of the partners and the other 3 are men and are able to work longer hours in the office so to speak so I'm already aware of the difference there although it's never a problem as they are very understanding. I'm a single mum. But I am aware of the differences in our availability.

The reason the meeting is very important is because a potential new client has called it, one I have been hugely involved with since the start and therefore I really feel I need to be there to secure this. The fact I am only 45 minutes away is the issue. I think if I had been abroad it would have been more acceptable not to be there. No one is making me leave my kids alone, they are my kids and I am expected to find childcare to do my job. If I was at home on this weekend I would have left them at home anyway, they don't need a babysitter.

I need this job and I need to keep this job and already feel on a back foot because I can't work 16 hour days . I always prioritise my children for those criticising but sometimes things need to be done that means I also need to work. If I thought for one second they would be in danger I wouldn't consider it. I would take them with me and have them wait at my work or at home until meeting ended. I get no child support from exp and I am doing the best I can to get us a decent house and a decent life. It can be a juggling act a lot of the time. My children know this and are amazing and supportive. They make me proud every day. Meetings just don't happen at weekends though except this sodding meeting on this sodding weekend!

By leaving them we still get the whole weekend of holiday and with zero disruption to their holiday time as if I wasn't at the meeting I'd probably be in the villa getting dinner anyway whilst they stayed in the pool for a couple more hours. They don't hang out with me much at the pool anyway (they come back when hungry!) because they are off on the rapids and the flumes and everything so I know they won't think bad of me if I popped out to this meeting for 3 hours.

They are not wild kids, they are well behaved and i know accidents can happen but they could happen if I was at the villa too. The last time we visited a year ago ,we did experience a fire alarm actually and we were separated as they evacuated the building and none of them panicked, they just followed the staff orders and then met back up where we had initially agreed so they've had a practice run of that so to speak!

I'm still in two minds. I don't want to drag them with me I'd rather they stayed and enjoyed their holiday as they deserve it. I think I'll call cp tomorrow and find out the rules for sure on an adult leaving the village for a few hours.

OP posts:

CottonSock · 05/03/2017 20:32

My parents did for us when we were much younger...

Nelllo · 05/03/2017 20:45

Can't you Skype into the meeting instead of going?

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