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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let the dc choose who shares a room in new house?

58 replies

Emeraldie · 05/03/2017 09:53

We have 3ds's aged 10, 8 and 1. Currently in a 2 bed house...ds1 and 2 share a room and ds3 is still in his cot with me and Dh ATM.

We're about to move to a 3 bed house. It has one very large double, one average double and one large single bedroom. Dh and I have discussed and thought we'd give ds1 and 2 the large double, we'd have the other and ds3 the single.

Ds1 and 2 are not happy. Ds1 is desperate to have his own room and wants the single. And ds2 really wants to share with ds3.

We've said no and much begging and pleading has ensued from ds1 and 2.

Aibu to insist they share? ATM ds2 is completely happy to share with ds3 but it's a novelty which I'm certain will wear off...not many 12 year olds will be thrilled to share with a 5 year old who may mess with their stuff and have big plastic toys everywhere. I don't think it will be fair on ds1 to give him his own room and then force him out of it when the novelty of sharing with a baby wears off for ds2.

All round it's just much more practical for the older boys to share.

Would you put your foot down from the off or let them share as they want with the knowledge you'll probably be switching rooms around in the near future?

OP posts:

MrsPinkCock · 05/03/2017 10:18

The kids are old enough for you to have a sensible conversation about it and for them to understand the pros and cons.

When we moved house I let the kids pick their own rooms - fortunately there were no arguments. However five years later we are moving again and this time I told them which rooms they were having. Again they were happy.

In your situation I'd let them choose, but I acknowledge your apprehension about their proposed arrangement. To be honest though there are downsides to the oldest two sharing as well, so if they're happier with a different arrangement then why not try it for a few years and switch it round if it becomes an issue?

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/03/2017 10:22

Why wouldn't you let them share the way they've said they're happy with? You say what about in 5 years' time, so you would have unhappiness for the present and ongoing for the sake of some projected, unknown future? Our DC are a lot older now and I have learned that there is much less scope for conflict and you (the whole family) will have a much easier transition if you go along with their wishes and only put your foot down for very important decisions.

Actually, you're fortunate that both older boys don't want their own room! What decision would you make then? They sound like lovely boys and I wish you all happiness in your new house.

Inertia · 05/03/2017 10:26

I would let them share as they have suggested, but only allow plain decoration. They can have football lampshades, duvet covers, calendars etc but plain walls and carpet.

Can you get the windows moved or an extra window put in without it looking odd on the outside, so the big double could be divided?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 05/03/2017 10:26

I wouldn't let the younger two share. It'll be fine now, but in a year or two it'll be really really difficult. 7 year age gap between my two youngest boys, they're now 10 and 4. It's a bloody nightmare! Just as the 10yo is wanting to sleep in a bit at the weekend, the small one is jumping on his bed and singing at 6am

Olympiathequeen · 05/03/2017 10:32

Any way to divide the large double into 2 smaller rooms for the older boys (or any combination that suits) and you have the smaller double?

Spam88 · 05/03/2017 10:40

I would always opt for giving the eldest their own room, although I appreciate that sharing with a toddler is a bit trickier due to them possibly not sleeping through, earlier bed times etc. FWIW though I shared with my sister who's 9 years younger than me until I was about 17 and it was never an issue - the room was my space really as she was generally in the living room playing, so I could have some privacy in there. So I think the younger two sharing would be fine and it's what I would opt for, but if you've decided the older two sharing is what's going to work best for your family then stick to your guns. I assume in this scenario though there's going to be a room swap a few years down the line anyway - you're not going to have 2 teens sharing while the little one (once he's school age) has his own room?

Railgunner1 · 05/03/2017 10:49

It doesn't have to be forever. Let them do as they prefer

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/03/2017 10:50

Does DS2 really want to share with DS3, or does he just want total control of the Deco?! Does he actually realise DS3 isn't going to just be parked in his cot in the corner of the room, but he will come with baby stuff, messy toys, clothes & crying? 🤣

I originally though 'let them do what they want', but it really doesn't take into account the impracticalities of settling a 1 year old & being up with them teething etc. different bedtime & morning routines & all of that. Both of them having their sleep disturbed by the other. Plus, as you say, the resentment when inevitably DS1 has to share with DS2 again.

How do you think it would be for you with DS2 & DS3 sharing at the moment?
.

haveacupoftea · 05/03/2017 10:52

I would make them share, but I would also look into converting the attic into a bedroom for one of them.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 05/03/2017 11:12

What is the layout downstairs? Is there a dining room? Room in the kitchen for the table? Just thinking that, in a few years, if they all want their own room, one of the older boys, 14 or 15 by then, could move downstairs.

I'd let them do what they want for now but make sure DS2 has definite places for his things that a toddler won't be able to get into and that DS1 knows things may have to change if the younger ones sharing doesn't work (older one wanting a lie in and little one full of beans at crack of dawn - yikes!)

QueenOfTheCatBastards · 05/03/2017 11:12

Seriously Emeraldie, paint and curtain the two rooms in colours that don't affiliate with any of their teams, pale grey perhaps? Buy them one duvet set of choice and put up one pin board per child for posters. That way their need to be ball chasing beasties is easy to control should a room change be needed.

llangennith · 05/03/2017 11:27

I'd stick to your first decision. The older boys will be lucky to have a large room to share. Their plan makes no sense and DS2 will soon tire of sharing with a toddler then you'll have to move them all again, and DS1 will have a strop about giving up a room to himself etc. Make it clear to DS1&2 that they're sharing and it's not open to debate.

SoulAccount · 05/03/2017 11:37

Stick with the older boys sharing but create clear areas round each one 's bed, or a screen that they can decorate as they like round each one 's desk. Give each a different bedside rug that they have chosen, for example. Create a zone each.

SoulAccount · 05/03/2017 11:38

And get saving for a loft conversion

melj1213 · 05/03/2017 11:49

Honestly I'd let them have the room shares they want - it makes them all happy and it saves you from having issues for the next few years. Yes DS2 might get tired of sharing in 5 or 6 years time, but equally they might not and you can't predict the future to know which it will be, so why put yourself, and your DCs through the stress of them all being unhappy for the sake of something that might happen?

My aunt and uncle have 4 kids - 3 DSs - 20, 18, 11 and one DD 11 (the 11 yos are twins) and they live in a 3 bed house with all bedrooms being doubles... when the kids were younger they tried having 2 kids in each room, the twins in one and the older two in the other with the plan being by the time that the twins were too old to share, DS20 would be moving out so they could put DS18 and DS11 together to give DD11 her own room.

Despite that, DS11 would always end up in the other room with his big brothers (who didn't mind) as soon as he progressed from a cot and could get himself up and through to the other room and there would be much tantrumming when he had to go in his "proper" bedroom but my aunt and uncle felt it was unfair to have all the boys in one large double and their DD having a double to herself.

After a few years of trying to divide the twins' room, swapping them all around etc they eventually just let the kids do their own thing and officially moved all the boys into one room. A friend of the family built them bunkbeds similar to the one in the picture with one of them having a workspace underneath rather than a 4th bed. Each of the boys was allowed to decorate their "pod" however they liked so they could have their own personal/individual space and the rest of the room was neutral to save arguments.

Since the move, over 10 years ago, the three boys have shared the same room with minimal issues until the oldest one moved out last year and everyone was happy.

To not let the dc choose who shares a room in new house?

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/03/2017 15:51

Let middle and youngest share as they want to at the moment

But

Make it clear to ds1 that if ds2 isn't happy sharing with 7yr youngest brother that he will be back sharing with ds2

So give small bedroom to ds1

And as and when and if need to move then ds1 goes into ds2 room and ds3 gets the small room alone

Have it written and signed in blood 😂😂😂

lalalalyra · 05/03/2017 16:44

We have a date each year (April Fool's day here so it's not forgotten) that we do two set things - change the battery in the smoke alarm and rejig the bedrooms where needed. All the kids know that that's the day they may have to move room.

With regards to decorating - one base colour, lots of posters, duvet covers and lamps is easier to transport to a half room than wallpaper.

You might find it works just fine. The age gap is enough that they'll be slightly different in terms of going to bed and the likes. Just make sure there's somewhere DS2 can do his homework that doesnt mean he's impacted by DS3's bedtime.

Original poster

Emeraldie · 05/03/2017 22:16

Ok so an update.

We spoke to the DC earlier and told them that they could do it their way (ds1 in single, ds2 sharing with the baby). Warned ds1 that he may need to swap with ds3 at some point and we'd review in a year (he was fine with this initially). Also that room decorating would be 'plain' and no themed wallpaper/curtains etc in case of a switch around.

Ds1 has done a complete u turn over the course of this evening. The shine of his own room seems to have gone since his plans of fully themed rooms have been minimised and with the knowledge that chances are high of a switch at sometime as ds2 gets older.

So he's decided that actually he'd rather share with ds2 straight away. Ds2 has not changed his mind and wants to share with ds3. Ds1 is now protesting that he wants to stay in whatever room he starts in and it,'s not fair to give him the single if he may have to move. Ds2 is pulling a typical middle child strop and proclaiming that ds1 'always gets his way' (he doesn't!) and why should he not be allowed to share with ds3 just because ds1 has changed his mind.

I,m going to make them both sleep in the shed at this rate.

OP posts:

Whatsername17 · 05/03/2017 22:32

I'd give them the bigger roo. But invest in this:
www.everblocksystems.com/

dowhatnow · 05/03/2017 22:39

That room divider linked above may sweeeten the pill.

Christmasnoooooooooooo · 05/03/2017 23:02

Why cant he have theme room ? Wasnt he going pay for it . Let him have his fun . Wallpaper can be painted over. Let him do his room . But he has tidy clean change the bed hover it. Do his homework in it wit has out fuss . Then he won't have to move it is room till after he finishes his exams .

feckitt · 05/03/2017 23:04

No, be a parent. Impossible to please everyone.

nokidshere · 05/03/2017 23:37

I have no idea what the problem is here? Ds1 wants the small room, ds2 wants to share with ds3. Why is it even an issue?

Do what they want. You cannot possibly predict what's going to happen in the future and if the large room can be divided for 1&2 then it can be divided for 2&3 if and when it becomes necessary.

Let them decorate too - life is too short for all this angst.

Itsjustaphase2016 · 05/03/2017 23:47

No i think you know what situation is most suitable (ie the current scenario) and you need to just explain that this is better for all of them in the long run, end of. Kids love novelty so of course they are asking for this change.!

schokolade · 06/03/2017 02:27

I think a lot of posters here have forgotten what pita sleepers most one year Olds are. You'll end up with DS3 in your room if you let DS2 and 3 share. What when DS2 wants sleepovers? Nah. Sharing with a one year old is a reality only parents should understand.

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