AIBU to resign...

[Fruitbat1980]

I find myself in a crappy work situation. The problem is two fold, one- the commute is ridiculous (think 6 to 7 hour round trip in car which I do 2 or three days a week). I knew it would be bad when I took role, but not that bad (told only needed there 2 days a week and trip should be 3-4 hour round trip but M25 is so bloody awful).
Two- my boss is awful. Never thanks you for anything, emotional intelligence is zero, expects me to be in all time even though agreed only 2 days a week, picks on one item like a scab and ignores the 300 plates me (and all his team) are spinning. He rants and raves at me (not criticising my work but rather that of my team. Their HR practices are shocking. I start dreading Monday morning on Saturday afternoon, which to me seems no way to live.
I need a job/ money, but do have savings which would keep us going a few months. But know it might not be so easy to get another job when unemployed. And should maybe stay and look for something while I'm there, but there aren't enough hours in the day. On the days I travel to the office it's a 14-15 hour day. I just don't think I can stick it anymore. It's seriously effecting my health, mentally and physically.
If really appreciate some outside perspectives? Just based on the above? I feel like if someone told me this I'd say your bloody mad, get out! But then I get sucked into the salary and the fear I'll look like a failure if I give up? Ps I have a 3 year old. I'm trying to 'have it all' and failing miserably.

Ok that's fair enough.

how much notice do you have to give op?

Mn contrary? it is just different opinions. not all the same.

I was going to suggest you work two consecutive days and stay over in a travelodge for one night but then I realised you have a three year old so that might not be acceptable to you. Start making enquiries into another position but if you need to just resign.

I start dreading Monday morning on Saturday afternoon, which to me seems no way to live.
You are right. Also, why would you move nearer to a job you hate?

This week, I have been advising two of my friends to leave jobs they hate. You spend too long at work to do something that makes you unhappy and damages your mental health. I hope that you find something that suits you.

I've done a job that was awful had negatively effected my mental health. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. I'd leave and try and get some temp work whilst you job hunt.

I discover I'm one in a long line who have quit under 12 months in

It annoys me that employers ask for references for employees, but employees don't get to do the same thing. And if I were to ask a prospective employer for a reference Q1 would be "What's your staff turnover like?"

I was the subject of malicious whistleblowing in one job. I got zero support from my manager - in fact worse, she through me under the bus to save herself. I resigned whilst signed off with depression and with nothing to go to. Within a month an old employer had offered me short term work, which neatly got me round the problem of what to do about references. I've never looked back and am now in a job I love.

Which is a long winded way of saying resign. Your MH is more important than a job and something else will come up.

I've just pm'd you...

Whilst I appreciate the affect not liking your job is having on you emotionally, I would check the job situation very carefully before resigning with nothing to go to.

I know two people who are still unemployed-one 8 months on and one 14 months on-after leaving jobs they were unhappy in. Both are now increasingly desperate and wish they hadn't just left.

Been in this situation and left with nothing lined up. After the initial omg what have I done moment the relief is immense. Had a couple of months off with the youngsters and got something much better. It's just not worth it to carry on if you can manage financially for a bit.

Given you don't see your 3 year old on the days you work, I would do as PPs have suggested and stay overnight. Use that time to update your resume, email recruiters and apply for anything out there. Then get an early night!

Then re evaluate at the end of 3 months if nothing has come up

Check out new companies on glass door my dh is in It, tech and project management he left a company that was making him miserable (while we were in process of buying house gave me palpitations) ended up with 30% pay rise and is much much happier.Big but though he still works long hours and travels a lot but more supportive management and works from home a lot.I think it and travel and long hours are just inevitable at Kick off etc.

I agree with a PP that you could justify taking the summer off. Set a date for your resignation, assuming you have to give 1 month notice, I would suggest end of May to leave end of June. In the meantime focus on looking for a new job. So you know that you will be leaving one way or another by end June.

Stay overnight and get your DH to Facetime your toddler asleep for gazing.

Quit that sh*t! Life's too short

It is much easier to find a job when you have a job. Get onto LinkedIn and the jobsites and find a job. If necessary, take a few days off to do this. If necessary, go on sick leave with WRS (you're saying this is damaging your health anyway). If you work in IT, I presume you don't work weekends - set aside a big chunk of time every weekend to look for a new job. I'd not resign before you have a new job.

Sounds so bad that I'd want to leave with nothing to go to.
Is there an HR dept you can speak to if you can't speak to boss's boss? They should be finding out why they can't keep someone in your role!
If possible, could you take some holiday and look for a job/speak to recruiters and get an idea of the job market, if quite good, definitely just leave - your mental health is far more important and seeing your 3 yr old.
Good luck.

Been there - different business area but very similar commute/boss/WFH issues. What was promised at job offer stage was not representative of the reality!

Make a shortlist of 2-3 recruitment agents that specialise in your area of IT. On your next WFH day, block an hour off in your calendar and call them. A good recruiter can save you many hours of searching.

Be firm about your non-office days. I really did have to dig my heels in about my WFH days. The reactions I was getting were that I was inflexible, unhelpful, not considering 'the business's needs'. I had to put my big girl pants on, take a deep breath and politely point out to my then-boss that the job offer I'd accepted was based on an office/WFH pattern of X days - and that all I was trying to do was work the pattern I'd been given. I said that if this needed to change and that further 'presence' was required then they would need to reconsider my remuneration package - they backed off a bit after that. Block your remote days out on your calendar. If you get meeting invites on those days then either decline them, or ask for a conference call dial-in.

I think you need a new job though. It sounds as if it's not a good fit for you.

UPDATE! I hate those threads where you don't know what happened! So I thought I best update. I quit today! I feel like weight of world is off my shoulders. Final straw cam last Friday when they told me if I didn't PIP this person on my team they'd PIP me. This person is good, not amazing but good and client loves her. Boss can't stand her and wants her out. Final indication for me that I can't work somewhere they treat people like that. As it'll be me next. They are shocked horrified and want me to stay (which is nice) but not a chance.
Anyhow luckily hubby completly supportive as wants 'me' back to old self, we'll burn through some savings till I plot my next move- maybe I'll get out of This IT madness and do something completly different! Thanks to all those that lent advice.