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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to resign...

68 replies

Fruitbat1980 · 05/03/2017 07:52

I find myself in a crappy work situation. The problem is two fold, one- the commute is ridiculous (think 6 to 7 hour round trip in car which I do 2 or three days a week). I knew it would be bad when I took role, but not that bad (told only needed there 2 days a week and trip should be 3-4 hour round trip but M25 is so bloody awful).
Two- my boss is awful. Never thanks you for anything, emotional intelligence is zero, expects me to be in all time even though agreed only 2 days a week, picks on one item like a scab and ignores the 300 plates me (and all his team) are spinning. He rants and raves at me (not criticising my work but rather that of my team. Their HR practices are shocking. I start dreading Monday morning on Saturday afternoon, which to me seems no way to live.
I need a job/ money, but do have savings which would keep us going a few months. But know it might not be so easy to get another job when unemployed. And should maybe stay and look for something while I'm there, but there aren't enough hours in the day. On the days I travel to the office it's a 14-15 hour day. I just don't think I can stick it anymore. It's seriously effecting my health, mentally and physically.
If really appreciate some outside perspectives? Just based on the above? I feel like if someone told me this I'd say your bloody mad, get out! But then I get sucked into the salary and the fear I'll look like a failure if I give up? Ps I have a 3 year old. I'm trying to 'have it all' and failing miserably.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2017 08:23

Can you move closer?

pinkdelight · 05/03/2017 08:24

Could you/would you want to go back to your previous employer? That's what I did in a similar (though not as horrible as your) situation. I told my old boss I'd made a mistake and she took me back on, no problems. Depends on the job, obviously, but definitely don't rule it out due to pride or anything daft. Sounds like you need to start doing what's best for yourself.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 05/03/2017 08:24

Get yourself some appointments at recruitment agencies, take annual leave if you have to but definitely get the ball rolling - even just looking for new jobs will make you feel better. The very little I know about IT jobs makes me think you are in demand and would be snapped up somewhere else!

I resigned from my hideous job this time last year and this year so far has been brilliantl and opportunities keep popping up just as I need them!

FrancesNiadova · 05/03/2017 08:25

Set yourself a goal....8 weeks to put your energy into finding a new job. If you've not got one then, take a career break to be with your lo, plus having some time to access training.
Good Luck

wherethewildrosesgrow · 05/03/2017 08:25

just leave if you have savings you don't mind using, get any old job for the time being, until you find something that suits.

Mrscaindingle · 05/03/2017 08:25

Leave, no job is worth risking your health. You will have more time to find something else and the relief will be immense.

I stuck a horrible job that made me feel sick all the time for 4 months as I needed a foot in the door, I very quickly found something else. If you have some money to live on meantime I think it's a no brainer..

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/03/2017 08:38

Thanks all. In an ideal world I wanted to use the savings next summer for some time off before DS starts school. But can't stick this till then.
Can't go back to old job unfortunately - they are maiming people redundant :(
I think your right I definitely need to get out, but it becomes a timing thing, do it now with nothing or wait a few months. It's so hard to know what's best, and for my sanity not sure I can wait, I've had a very dark few months. I have considered contracting/ free lance as perhaps a way to work a few months then have a few weeks off? But haven't done this before.

OP posts:

LadyMaryofDownt0n · 05/03/2017 08:44

How many days per week are you actually doing?

I do what your saying 5/6 days a week. It's bloody hard but I love my job & my salary is very good for my area. The huge downside is that I hardly see my kids & I cry about it quite often. I've been doing it for a year now with no chance of change.

Oh & don't feel bad about now having it all.... I think it's few & far between!

araiwa · 05/03/2017 08:44

if you dont see your son anyway when you work, cant you do 2 days in a row and stay overnight?

juneau · 05/03/2017 08:48

I would make some phone calls to recruiters this week. Update your CV today, if you can, and then make it your mission to get out of there ASAP.

14-15 hour days twice a week and hours spent commuting? I wouldn't do it unless I was absolutely desperate and it was the only job out there. We all make mistakes when it comes to taking a job - I think you just have to chalk this one up to experience and move on quickly.

Oblomov17 · 05/03/2017 08:48

How many other jobs have you applied for? Is your position unusual or niche? I would stay until I had found another job, if I possibly could stick it.

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/03/2017 08:49

Lady Mary you have my sympathy- how do you do it? I work full time. But commute up to 3 days , others are at home or visiting clients (which can be anywhere)
I tried staying in a hotel but made mental health much worse as couldn't even gaze at sleeping child :,(

OP posts:

thesandwich · 05/03/2017 08:49

Are you on LinkedIn? Do you have a strong network? This is often the best source of work.
Could you take a couple of days off to make a plan and get yourself out there?

trinitybleu · 05/03/2017 08:51

If you're a Java developer, PM me.

Yoksha · 05/03/2017 08:51

I'd put my cards on the table OP. What have you got to lose. Write it all down & keep a copy for reference. If you discern no compassion then walk. Your boss sounds like he suffers from a lack of oxygen

I'd be tempted to mention the turnover of staff to your position in your defence. Ask in a way he has to think about his response.

It's like I told my Dd2. "If you die, they'll mourn you for a few days, then find someone to do your job". Life is too short to sustain this. Your mental health is so fragile when your spinning plates.

AnnaDaptor · 05/03/2017 08:53

IME there are plenty of vacancies in IT, it depends what you do in IT of course.
That commute must be costing you a fair whack each week so if you factor that in could you take a pay cut in line with the reduced commute costs?

13/14 hour days are no way to live, especially with a toddler, unless you are paid a phenomenal salary and have loads of holiday. If you worked that over three days that would be a full weeks work.

Could you do agency or contract work until you find something more permanent?

On balance it sounds as though the job is already starting to make you ill.
I would leave before you really do become properly ill because that takes months or years to recover from I speak from bitter experience.

Good luck

Redlocks28 · 05/03/2017 08:55

Do you have a partner? What does he say?

If your salary is needed, it might not be as simple as just quitting and getting a new
Job quickly. You say your previous company are making people redundant-is that happening a lot in your industry now?

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2017 08:55

Sorry if you've answered this but the main cause if stress seems to be the commute can you move?

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/03/2017 08:57

Leave. There's no reason to be a hero who lasts longer than the others.

PoohBearsHole · 05/03/2017 09:00

i'm not sure moving would help, if your boss is bullying you go. just go, sign up to agencies and get yourself out there :)

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2017 09:02

But the main things that seem to be causing the distress is the commute. If the other area has more jobs then moving would help in the short term and might lead to other opportunities as well.

Original poster

Fruitbat1980 · 05/03/2017 09:02

No I refuse to move as my home is my sanctuary. It's our forever home (I think!) DH very supportive, says I should do what makes me happy it's not worth it etc, but also can tell he'd prefer I had something else to go to. He just wants me to stop crying all the time!
In answer to refundancies question no I think it's isolated to old company (and is one of the reasons I was keen to get out)
Wish I was a java developer but u fortunately not that techy!

OP posts:

malificent7 · 05/03/2017 09:03

Id resign. Some exxellent advice on here. Althoughi was told on here i should do a career that makes me ill ( teaching) because i was skint. Mn can be very contrary.

Sorry for slight derailment. You will find something better for you in due course.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 05/03/2017 09:05

In that position I think I'd give myself say 1 month to actively look for jobs then resign, at least you have a good reason for leaving when asked-thing is although your working part time, the amount of time you're putting in travelling is pretty much the same as a FT job.

IDismyname · 05/03/2017 09:07

I would put the feelers out with some recruitment agencies. See what's going on 'out there'. Get the ball rolling and email some today!

You may find they have a number of vacancies that you'd be suitable for - and it will give you some perspective on the job market in your area.

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