Am I allowing my DD to grow up lazy and unmotivated?

[happyvalleyvalley]

All my DD's friends are all doing huge numbers of extra curricular activities. Gymnastics, ballet, piano, dance, brownies, swimming, French, Spanish, recorder, etc etc

My DD (7) doesn't want do anything. I ask her regularly about starting doing brownies or gymnastics etc but she always says no. I have a friend who basically forces her DD to do things but I feel it's hard enough getting her to do the things she has to do (school and homework etc) that I don't want to force her to do extracurricular activities as well.

So AIBU? Am I allowing her to become lazy? Should she be doing more? Or is it not an issue?

It's trying to find the right balance isn't it?

There's one thing forcing a child to do something that they definitely don't enjoy e.g. those who had to do a musical instrument for years on their parents say so, despite the fact they hated it and had little talent! I wouldn't do that but I don't see encouraging a child to give something a try for an agreed period as "forcing", even if they are reluctant. As parents we are able to see the potential benefits for our DC whereas they are generally not able to think any further than what they want (or don't want) right now.

My parents didn't have interests or hobbies and didn't encourage us. To be fair part of that was maybe down to finances but to be honest even if they'd been well off they didn't value such things, nor did they particularly value friendships oddly. It meant that our circle of friends growing up were the children in school and those on our street so very much proximity rather than shared interests. After struggling a bit in my teens and early 20s I have lots of friends now but not one from childhood.

Compare that to my friend who is still very involved in the local amateur theatre group she joined at 6 and has lifelong friends as a result of that and her other activities such as dance, running club etc. This means she has a a number of friendship groups and varied social life. As they all grew up and started their own families it meant she had a support network and ready made opportunities for her dc to meet little playmates and develop their friendships.

Completely depends on what she is doing. If she's watching tv the whole time, then encourage her to do something more active/social. If she's playing out/playing with siblings/toys/pottering about/reading books, then leave her be. Seven is young - maybe encourage her to try something in a year or so?

Most activities near to us do a free taster session before committing to anything. Could you persuade her to try a few different things as a one off and if she really likes one she can start attending?
I wouldn't force her to do anything if she doesn't want to though, she'll just resent it, except swimming which I agree with others is an essential life skill.

Sorry, not read all replies.
But the activities you've mentioned are all quite run of the mill.
How about something a bit unusual, archery is usually run in courses over a period of weeks. Something that none of her friends are doing (she's not getting bullied, is she?).

Or how about something you do together? I volunteer at a local cat rescue and we always need people to foster cats and kittens, or come and help brush and socialise cats? Or maybe a local dog rescue would be thankful if you both took a dog for a walk?

That sounds fine then. You lucky thing to have a horse, is she not interested in riding?

Getting told what to do all day and then having to do things in the evening that she'd rather skip to watch TV might be good preparation for adulting