Am I allowing my DD to grow up lazy and unmotivated?

[happyvalleyvalley]

All my DD's friends are all doing huge numbers of extra curricular activities. Gymnastics, ballet, piano, dance, brownies, swimming, French, Spanish, recorder, etc etc

My DD (7) doesn't want do anything. I ask her regularly about starting doing brownies or gymnastics etc but she always says no. I have a friend who basically forces her DD to do things but I feel it's hard enough getting her to do the things she has to do (school and homework etc) that I don't want to force her to do extracurricular activities as well.

So AIBU? Am I allowing her to become lazy? Should she be doing more? Or is it not an issue?

I was that kid.

I was very socially anxious, and didn't want to meet new people. In addition, I hated (still do) group sports. My DM made me try every thing out, and I would invariably refuse to go after a few sessions.

I haven't grown up lazy and unmotivated. Quite the opposite. I just knew, even at that age, what I did and didn't like. I'm very involved now in the things I find interesting, and I work for a ski resort and have ski instructor qualifications. That's my thing. Playing netball wasn't. Your daughter will find her niche.

I agree with the PP who said it all depends on what she is doing at home. If she's reading / playing with siblings / making stuff then absolutely no problem. If, however, she spends every spare minute at a screen, then she definitely needs to get out more.

I suppose it depends on how she spends her free time. I don't know about forcing her, but I wouldn't let her just loll in front of the tv.

I find it appalling that people would make their kids do activities. Surely it should be child-led?
I say this as an introvert with 2/3 introvert kids.

My parents put my name down for Brownies when I really hated the idea. Apparently that list was lost, you had to apply again and my parents didn't.
I was so happy! 😆😆😆

I don't know the answer in your particular case but I do think it's very important to have plenty of unstructured downtime. I know people who insist on one sport and one musical activity, which is not bad as it creates opportunities for later. Choir or dance can be good as they are social activities and don't require a big investment. Alternatively is there something you could learn and practise together rather than sending her to a class? Badminton, riding, orienteering?

Rather random suggestions there :D

I'm with Superbeagle - similar (except not skiing for me - diving and shooting). Did nowt as a child and avoided everything. Let your DS find her zone - too much encouragement can lead to an abiding dislike (me and most sports!)

I think swimming lessons are very important, and I also appreciate that my parents signed me up to St John's Ambulance cadets. You can learn a lot of life skills outside of school.

I would leave it up to them unless they were doing nothing productive at all. I was a big reader - that isn't an 'activity' but it was how I wanted to spend my time.

my DD has 0 interest in things outside the home too, i'm waiting for her to show interest in something, my mum cajoled and manipulated me into doing 7 long, talentless and unmotivated years of piano lessons and all it fostered in me was guilt.

My 2 do very little compared to most of their mates: Cubs / Beavers and football. The older one is also an Altar Server (Catholic). That's it except for swimming lessons which I think are essential. They're both primary school age and personally I think they need a decent amount of downtime after school. They don't spend a lot of time on screens much to the older ones dismay . They play, fight, read and twat about in the garden.

I also did very little extra curricular stuff as a child and don't for a second feel I missed out. I don't think you should force your DD except maybe for swimming: she's got plenty of time to find her niche

I find it appalling that people would make their kids do activities. Surely it should be child-led?

I've made my kids learn to ride their bikes and learn to swim. At some point they have both complained about it, but we persevered. Now they both love swimming and cycling.

Oh and I totally agree with Jaim about the St Johns thing. Basic first aid and life support should be a mandatory requirement imo. I'm absolutely going to send mine on a course or teach them myself when they're a bit older. Very very good idea.

I think one or two activities should be encouraged, but I wouldn't persevere if my dc said they weren't enjoying them. The activities should be either life skills based or something they take a natural interest in. Dsd has never been encouraged to do anything. She has no motivation or staying power for anything, including her college work. I doubt she'll finish her course. She's very capable and very personable so could do anything she put her mind to. Sadly she'd rather socialise.

Ds does swimming and is on a beavers waiting list. He likewise can be a little unfocused, so I'm hoping these will encourage him in the right direction.

I find it appalling that people would make their kids do activities. Surely it should be child-led?

IMO saying 'right, you choose an activity to do on a Saturday morning' IS being child led. It's completely different to randomly signing your child up to brownies/dance/violin and making them go IMO.

I think swimming is a good idea, can she swim at all? Maybe going swimming with you, perhaps to fun sessions in the pool would give her the confidence, and motivation , to start lessons.

Does she have a bike or a scooter. Why don't you take her and a friend to a safe park for some bike / scooting fun. Exercise and social fun combined.

What are the alternatives? I've found that time on the tablet or in front of the tv will be picked above all else by some kids. If it is made clear that these are not on offer the enthusiasm for a sport or a musical instrument grows.

I stopped my almost 5 yo ballet / tap classes recently as she already does swimming and sports 2 a week, im torn between doing too much and not doing enough.
I think by 7 I would want dd to be "accomplished" at something, be it swimming, crafts, music, dance, whatever, just so she has a skill that she has worked at to develop.

It's a tough one but I don't think your making your child lazy, maybe a pottery or art class would suit her better.
My dd created a scene prior to every tap class, once it started she had a great time, I guess I was the lazy one who gave up battling her to get changed and ready each week for class.

She is only young. All of ours have had times when they have done nothing and other times when we have been rushed off our feet with too much going on.

She goes to school, that is a social activity in itself. If she is happy and content I wouldn't be pushing her to do more.

When I was young (when the earth was cooling) there weren't all these 'activities' needed to keep us busy. But most of were us active in some way. Some played ball, some took dance, some had horses, some swam. And some did nothing. But we all played together outdoors or at one another's houses. Motivation was something your parents taught you day to day, you didn't need 'activities' to learn it. They taught it to us by telling us to get outside, to occupy ourselves, by giving us responsibilities, and by telling us that if we had nothing to do and were 'bored' they'd find us something (usually chores).

If your child doesn't want to do an organized activity (it was never my 'thing'), just be sure she has things to do around the house and gets out to play with friends. Give her some responsibilities around the house or yard.

i would say swimming, cycling and first aid were essential life skills, not in the same category as extra curricular activities such as ballet, music etc. that aren't strictly necessary. I agree, I'll get the DDs to do a first aid course at some point because it could save someone's life one day. I don't think that has to be a primary aged child thing though!

I didn't do organised after school activities as a child. I'm a pretty motivated adult and have been slim and active for most of my adult life (most because I'm currently working full time with a toddler and don't have time/energy for sport!).

Like many others, I would insist on her getting to a certain level of competence with swimming.

I would also really encourage her to do something - whatever her interests are - but you get so much from either playing sport, or making music, or doing whatever other activity it is, away from school, but with other folk.
Doesn't have to be all consuming.

Surely the whole point of doing activities is that the child wants to do them. I was and am still introvert. I would read avidly for hours. I wanted to join brownies. Mum insisted that as she'd bought uniform I was committed which was fair enough but when I was due to move up to guides I opted out. Rather be in my room with a book. Some people might say ive turned out lazy and unmotivated but ive worked all my life apart from mat leave. Im not always up for doing stuff but im happy pottering round the house relaxing and like walks/lunches/coffee out withmy dh etc. I do have friends and meet up for meals ooccasionally with them but I dont have to be busy and active all the time. I dont think this is any less valid a lifestyle than someone who is forever out and busy. Tbh with the pace of life now I dont know how people have the energy to be busy after work

I gave up my extra curricular activities around that age. I preferred playing with friends, reading and chatting to my mum. Still do really

I'm not lazy. With hindsight though, doing something extra curricular might have helped me in two ways (1) good practice at operating outside my academic comfort zone and (2) non school friendships/acquaintances, to tide me over the periods when school friendships went a bit horrid.

So I would say - ask her to find one thing, and give it say 2 terms. Ideally something with a social /group element.