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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a twin necked guitar is gimmicky and would make DS look like a twat?

121 replies

WankersHacksandThieves · 04/03/2017 18:40

My lovely DS2 (15) has been learning the bass guitar for a little while. We got him a 2nd hand bass/amp etc for his birthday, he messed around himself for a few months and has now been taking lessons for 3 months.

He has dreams of being in a band etc. fairly typical teenage dream.

He hasn't studied music at school but wants to take it up again after the summer and says he's really keen.

He wants to upgrade his bass which I'm fine with. He has saved up £540 but has seen this twin necked thing that he absolutely has to have - it's nearly £1000. He is desperate to start selling stuff to get the money together.

To me it's the kind of thing a successful rock star may have on stage at Wembley, it's not the sort of thing you would be using to gig around pubs etc. DH says he'll get laughed at and look a twat.

He's been really good lately, getting stuck into his studies and generally being great to be around. He was fairly down and hating school a few months ago and very moody, we want to keep his mood positive since he only has two months until exam time and he also has a fair amount of course work he needs to submit that goes towards his exam results.

I'm currently trying to gently question his choice and telling him not to rush in and he'd be better waiting until after the exams to start digging stuff out to sell or getting a part time job. DH thinks we should just say "No" and tell him that he'll look a twat...

Are we wrong? Anyone think this is a good idea? Anyone got any tips on what to say to him?

OP posts:
celtiethree · 04/03/2017 21:13

WankersHack I think you're right it is an easier option if you've been playing for years. The higher year is quite tough, your DS may struggle to fit in the practice that he needs to get to the required standard, though if he's really keen then that might not be a problem 😉. fingers crossed his nat 5 maths goes well.

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 04/03/2017 21:16

Thanks Bill, That sounds great, I'd be happy for some suggestions :)

rougue he does listen to a range (for a 15 year old) but I don't think that extends to classical. We aren't a particularly musical family (DH taught himself acoustic guitar in his 40s). We do however have music on all the time and that includes folk, jazz, blues, pop, rock, indie etc. I'm partial to the occasional bit of opera and rap too - I hate rock/heavy rock/heavy metal etc. but DH likes some of that.

Alec I do wonder.... he's a young man (in his 20s) and seems to be doing well enough for himself. He's a bit too forward for my tastes so I try to put that aside and think that as long as DS likes him and seems to be progressing then I'll leave it for now.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 04/03/2017 21:17

the X-factor BS drives me mad I could not agree more.

FairfaxAikman · 04/03/2017 21:19

The tone of the bass is far more important that how it looks.

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 04/03/2017 21:21

Oh, I don't disagree outandabout and if DS went on to do the same thing and earn a living doing something he loves then I'd be more than happy. I was trying to illustrate to DS that being an accomplished musician wasn't a passport to stardom.

celtie Ds1 has been tutoring him in Maths and he says he is finding it really useful but the proof will be in the pudding. (DS1 got 98% in last years Nat5 - the one they were all complaining about).

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 04/03/2017 21:27

Sometimes schools make the prelims ridiculously difficult in order to 'motivate' the pupils to work harder. DS got less than 50% in his H Maths prelim last year but got an A in the actual exam. DD failed her H English prelim a few years ago and also got an A. Very best of luck to him.

Re higher maths - it does sound very ambitious, but he would probably enjoy it and it makes a lovely change from the pen and paper subjects.

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 04/03/2017 21:32

He's been struggling a bit in maths for a while, teacher says he seems to understand in class but can't seem to convert that knowledge to the exam.

DS1 is going over and over each thing with him and then he will start on some past papers. DS1 has been offered an incentive depending on what grade DS2 gets so he is hoping he does well too!

He is hoping to do English, History, Modern Studies, Business Management and Music next year. A bit of a contrast to DS1 who is currently doing Maths, Physics, Engineering, Computing and Graphics. Like chalk and cheese!

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 04/03/2017 21:46

Incentivising both your DS! You're a smart woman. I like your style.

I don't envy you having two DC both doing important exams in one year!

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 04/03/2017 22:04

rougue yes, the incentivisation plan is quite complex this year!

We are lucky in that DS1 is doing exactly the subjects he wanted and is good at. He got 1A and 4Bs in the prelims but did no studying whatsoever. he is crashing the Graphics but got As in everything else last year. He is so laid back he's horizontal so isn't causing us stress on that front at all (other than the potential payout if he gets 5As!

DS2 didn't do as well as he'd hoped although he knows he didn't do enough study. We now have him on a strict routine and he's actually realised how less stressed he has been as he's also used the time for his assignments and homework. He sees the benefits and has been much more focussed and happier as a result. We are hoping the extra 11 hours a week will have an impact.

DS2 does not know that DS1 is incentivised for his maths score.

OP posts:
Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 16:20

FFS, after the on-line chat I had with tutor last night when we agreed (I thought) that he would talk DS down, apparently he thinks it's a great idea and a real investment and then starts spouting about how to avoid import tax! He is aware I am not amused and now DS is getting annoyed with me as I am still saying it's not a good idea which = me being the baddy and putting obstacles in his way :(

OP posts:
Obviouspretzel · 05/03/2017 17:45

He has really mugged you off there, what a dick.

Obviouspretzel · 05/03/2017 17:46

Although I'm not sure how nice it is to be trying to conspire behind DC's back on this with him. If he felt that way though, he should have just told you, rather than encourage him further on the double neck.

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 17:46

Yes indeed! I think he has maybe forgotten who is paying for the lessons.

OP posts:
celtiethree · 05/03/2017 17:46

How old is the tutor!!! In your shoes I'd be v irritated (that's putting it mildly). Can you go back to the tutor and ask him to try again with right message this time. What about the music teachers at HS I think they'd be able to help him with guitar and bass but not the proposed monstrosity!!!!

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 17:51

I agree in principle re conspiring but the impression he gave was that he agreed it was a bad idea. if he actually thought it was a good idea then he should have said to me last night, giving his reasons etc. And I wasn't conspiring against DSs best interests I don't think.

Now we have a big distraction to DS when he should be focussing on his exams. I spoke to DS last night and he had come up with some reasons for not getting it by himself so I thought he was wavering.

OP posts:
Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 17:54

Tutor is late 20s. he was telling me he has £35k worth of guitars. He's told DS this guitar will be worth double it's value in no time so it's an investment too.

I am furious tbh, my instinct is to just cancel lessons as I am not convinced that he is a good influence - no idea whether he is a good teacher - but people who teach the bass aren't that common and we don't live in place with a great deal of choice.

OP posts:
Obviouspretzel · 05/03/2017 18:04

Double it's value what a load of shit. The tutor sounds like an idiot. I would relax about it if I were you, you might find that your DS changes his mind on his own. What you won't find is him changing his mind due to pressure from his parents.

Obviouspretzel · 05/03/2017 18:05

By the way, I completely agree with you, it is a ridiculous instrument for a beginner. Things like double neck guitars, 5 string basses, baritone guitars etc are instruments you buy when you already have a number of quality instruments and can play them well. They usually are a gimmick for most.

celtiethree · 05/03/2017 18:12

WankersHack what about your DS travelling to Edinburgh/Glasgow (are you within commuting distance) at the weekend to something like Glasgow School of Guitar? It would give you more choice. The tutor sounds like an idiot.

Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 18:20

I agree Obvious and the fact is that he doesn't have the money at the moment and I'm not giving it to him. The problem here is that it is no causing distraction to him about finding stuff to sell to get the money together when we've spent time and energy getting him into a nice routine of the things he needs to do - e.g. study, duke of edinburgh stuff, scouts (he's chairman so has extra duties). He's not the most organised or motivated person and I can find plenty of chores for him to do if he has any extra free time!

But on the other hand, I am usually overindulgent and would give my boys the moon if they cried for it so it's stressing me too!

OP posts:
Original poster
WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 18:26

We are slightly closer to Glasgow than Edinburgh but it's a cost & time thing too. Both DSs already have other commitments, we aren't minted and DH is about to be signed of work we think.

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 05/03/2017 18:31

'No, I don't think it's just me, your DH actually does sound like an arse, and unpleasant rather than "protective". Would he actually say that to your 15 year old's face? I don't think I could live with my DH if he was so unkind to his DC, who you say has been struggling and trying hard.'

This is the type of idiotic and stupidly aggressive post that is entirely unnecessary in any type of forum. It is typical virtue signalling rather than in any sense helpful to anyone. The OP's husband said IF he bought a particular type of guitar he WOULD LOOK LIKE a twat. That is what is known as a conditional clause and in no sense implies he thinks his son is a twat currently. Granted, twat is an ugly word to some, but a lot of people use it (wrongly) interchangeably with twit.

Those trying to make statements about what the OP's husband is like, as a person, based on him trying to give his son sensible advice to not appear to be a twit are, IMO, making big twits of themselves.

(sadly, no nothing about double necked guitars...)

larrygrylls · 05/03/2017 18:31

know, even...

celtiethree · 05/03/2017 18:33

Just trying to think how you can access a different teacher - good ones are hard to find. Hope you sort it out.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 05/03/2017 18:34

Jon Otway has a brilliant double neck guitar.

to think that a twin necked guitar is gimmicky and would make DS look like a twat?