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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to punch my DSis in the face! (Possible trigger)

81 replies

Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 08:46

With a brick!

I honestly don't know why she makes me so angry

I put a thread on yesterday about not feeling my baby kick, so I went to hospital. DSis text today to ask how it went and I told her that midwives said to go in for daily monitoring.

The above didn't sit well with her and she proceeded to tell me how the NHS is a joke for telling women to unnecessarily go in Hmm

Then! She decided to tell me a story about a work colleague 2 years ago who had a great pregnancy, went in to hospital to give birth and surprise, the baby was stillborn 🤔 apparently the baby continued to kick after it had passed Confused
She then continued to tell me how no matter what I do, my baby could die and no amount of monitoring will change that.

By this point it's clear I'm losing my very thin patience! She also decides to throw in, that because I'm checking he's okay, then il be the "type of Mum who takes her child to a&e, once a week".

Am I missing something or is my sister a c'nt??

OP posts:
Somevampsarehot · 04/03/2017 09:48

I think she's obviously gone through a really difficult time, and is clearly trying to front her way through it (i.e. she doesn't want kids anyway etc) she wouldn't have had 3 pregnancies if she didn't want to have children. I do massively sympathise with her, and then to watch her sister successfully carry a baby to term must be so difficult and devastating for her. However, that does not give her the right to say these things to you. If she's finding that hard then she should go low contact with you until she feels ready to deal with her emotions in a healthy way. I think you've done the right thing by blocking her for now and I hope things improve for you both. Just try to remember that she has suffered (although that still doesn't excuse the shitty behaviour)

KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:48

She's forever telling me how her & her husband are happy as they are, they don't actually want kids & if they don't ever have kids, they will be glad they have each otherHmm

Not projecting at all - OP has made it quite clear she doesn't believe this statement

ohtheholidays · 04/03/2017 09:50

I've just seen your other posts I wonder if her Husband has ever tried to get your Sister any help?It does sound like she could really do with it.

It's heartbreaking that she has lost so many babys but her carrying all that anger,hurt and sadness around for the rest of her life would be a cruel waist of her life and future and it must be so hard for your poor BIL as well,she sounds like she really needs some proper support and help outside of the family.

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:51

Kelly you are assuming, in no way have I implied. I am saying that she tells me she's happy & then attacks me.

She's been through a lot I get that, however it doesn't excuse her behaviour! I cannot continue to take hurtful words & be expected to sit & smile.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:54

Her husband would be threatened with divorce if he even attempted to offer support.

She spent her entire engagement threatening to leave him if he didn't do as he was told, to the point he developed OCD.

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:54

Sorry if I assumed that by putting a "hmm" emoticon after a statement, that I assumed you suspected that statement wasn't true. Surely you can understand that that's how it might have come across though?

KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:57

Also I'm not saying to just sit and tolerate it - she does sound horrible and her experiences don't excuse that at all! As someone who can't have children, I have done nothing but support my three best friends and two SILs who have all gotten pregnant since we started trying. Infertility does not excuse bad behaviour!

But you clearly don't like her, have judged her relationship - she has probably picked up on this and is being hostile towards you because she knows you don't like her anyway.

NC is probably the way to go because neither of you seem to like each other very much at all.

fullofhope03 · 04/03/2017 09:58

You're absolutely right WomanwithAltitude

WhingyNinja · 04/03/2017 09:59

I think there's an awful lot of projecting going on on this thread now and people are jumping on the OP for no reason.

OP may suspect her sister isn't happy with her relationship, partly because of her fertility issues but she has never said this directly to her sister because she's not a cunt and it's nothing to do with her, whereas her sister never tires of telling OP that her baby may die and she'll be 'one of those mums' simply because she's worries about the wellbeing of her baby.

I think some people need to lay off a bit and stop insinuating that OP is maybe asking for these vile comments from her sister because she's worked out her sister may not actually be as happy as she makes out.

DixieNormas · 04/03/2017 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mydogmymate · 04/03/2017 10:01

Honestly, what's wrong with people? I would rather shit in my hands and clap than cause offence to a mother to be, no matter what I'd been through. Why can't some people just keep their mouth shut? It's called being happy for a new baby, a new life.
Every pregnancy is different, as is every expectant mum. I have a sister like you OP, I haven't been in contact for about 20 years because of her nasty comments. Cut her off, you'll feel much better. Flowers

fullofhope03 · 04/03/2017 10:01

I do wish you a healthy and happy birth OP and hope you and your sister can eventually overcome your issues - Life is WAY too short x

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/03/2017 10:02

OP, sadly many of us on here, have miscarried.
Your DS is venomous.
You need to sit down and speak with her, tell her how her comments hurt, or wrangle. Hear her out, she may be in need of an outlet.
Either that, or invite them both over, there is no need for any animosity, on your part, but you really do need to sort this out.
Hope you and your baby are both fine. 💐

KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 10:02

Forgot to say - I really do hope your baby is OK. There is no way the NHS would recommend daily monitoring if it was just you being what your sister described as "one of those mums" and that must be scary for you. The health of your baby is the most important thing Flowers

SmokyMountains · 04/03/2017 10:03

Oh dear OP it sounds so tricky.

I was on your other thread, (I was the one who was induced for reassurance and then they found out it was in the nick of time).

It sounds as if your sister is in a lot of pain and this is all spilling out on you. I think you have done the only thing you can in blocking her and leaving off contact to protect yourself. You deserve to be excited and happy about your babies arrival and not continually stressed.

However, as someone who lost 5 babies before my DS I would say that it is very hard to survive that psychologically, and I secretly believe I'll never be quite right in the head again...and I feel so sorry for your sister. All the stuff about being happy she hasn't had children etc...it really is the proverbial boy whistling in the dark to keep his spirits up.

Originalfoogirl · 04/03/2017 10:06

She does sound unstable. But she also sounds like she is really struggling.

She is right that you wouldn't understand losing a baby unless you had. You can empathise, you can think you'd know how it feels but until you experience it, you just don't know. And as morbid as her comment seems, coming from a dark moment in her mind, I can see how someone who had experienced a loss might say this, without thinking how it sounds.

I think the bigger problem is that the relationship was dysfunctional before this particular comment. If I were in your situation I'd just stop telling her about the pregnancy and if she asks, just gloss over it and move on to the next conversation.

BitchPeas · 04/03/2017 10:09

Life can be shit and unfair and everyone has a sadness. Doesn't mean you can go around acting like a spiteful cunt. Her problems are not yours to solve. Dont be her emtional punchbag.

AyeAmarok · 04/03/2017 10:09

She's been receiving counselling for years about EVERY THING she feels is difficult in her life however I think she's just a naturally bitter & angry person.

Yes, losing 4 babies in pregnancy can do that to a person.

Your description of her and what she's been through is so insensitive and nasty. She isn't being kind to you either.

Since you both seem to bring out a horrible side to each other, no contact is probably the best thing to do.

ollieplimsoles · 04/03/2017 10:17

Aye said just what I wanted to tbh.

Glad your baby is ok op

Miserylovescompany2 · 04/03/2017 10:39

I think your Dsis projects her own fears and insecurities. She projects blame elsewhere, I'd imagine it's to protect herself emotionally.

You need to also protect yourself. Personally, I'd keep contact to a minimum. I wouldn't cut her off, I would shut her down quickly if she started spouting stuff that upset and unnerved you. If you do have a good relationship with her DH, then maybe have a chat with him.

Don't reply to texts of calls straight away.

littlefrog3 · 04/03/2017 10:47

She sounds awful. I would avoid her until WELL after baby is born. Like til he/she is 40. Grin

Good luck with your pregnancy. Hope it all goes well.Smile

Allthewaves · 04/03/2017 11:06

Her being crap to her husband isn't suprisingly. She can't carry a pregnancy so prob in her head she's useless and not worthy if being a wife as she can't produce child.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/03/2017 11:21

Shes jealous. That's understandable. The way she's going about however is inexcusable

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 11:23

Mine and my sisters relationship has been exceptionally strained since birth pretty much.
Me and my brother were always closer.

The last few weeks me and my sister have got on so well and I've been nothing but grateful for her support through the breakup of my relationship, she's offered nothing but support & ive offered it back where needed.

She asked how it went with the midwife, I replied to say it was fine and that they'd like me to go in for daily monitoring if worried.

She then decided to explain how the NHS are strained blah blah blah.

I don't wish to argue with her hence I kept replies quite short and abrupt and then blocked her so she wouldn't carry on.

I just want to be happy however it seems people want to piss all over it and tell me how my child is going to be a brat! He's not even here yet!!

OP posts:
harleysmammy · 04/03/2017 11:24

I would have punched my sister and then blocked her if i was you. What a complete an utter waste of oxygen. Never be scared to go to the hospital to get monitored. Im 32 weeks and have been in the maternity ward more times that ive had hot dinners lately, everyone keeps telling me to just enjoy the pregnancy and stop being so paranoid but he's my baby. Im not risking my baby because of what other people think. He's your baby, not hers x

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