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Original poster

To want to punch my DSis in the face! (Possible trigger)

81 replies

Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 08:46

With a brick!

I honestly don't know why she makes me so angry

I put a thread on yesterday about not feeling my baby kick, so I went to hospital. DSis text today to ask how it went and I told her that midwives said to go in for daily monitoring.

The above didn't sit well with her and she proceeded to tell me how the NHS is a joke for telling women to unnecessarily go in Hmm

Then! She decided to tell me a story about a work colleague 2 years ago who had a great pregnancy, went in to hospital to give birth and surprise, the baby was stillborn 🤔 apparently the baby continued to kick after it had passed Confused
She then continued to tell me how no matter what I do, my baby could die and no amount of monitoring will change that.

By this point it's clear I'm losing my very thin patience! She also decides to throw in, that because I'm checking he's okay, then il be the "type of Mum who takes her child to a&e, once a week".

Am I missing something or is my sister a c'nt??

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 04/03/2017 09:16

She sounds extremely hard work. I would cut her short on pregnancy 'advice' with a comment along the lines of, ' I think this is one I will discuss with the midwives.' If she persists just tell her she is upsetting you with her stories and you are following all the advice you need from the midwives.

I suspect she will continue to be very difficult after your baby arrives and suggest you come up with some protective buffers for yourself in advance. Discuss with your dp and anyone else who can support you. In the early days you will be very vulnerable to her remarks. If this means you have to have a period of time away from her that's her lookout.

Consider your own three strike rule with respect to her.

Witchend · 04/03/2017 09:19

I don't know that she's necessarily intending to be nasty, more telling you that ihe don't expect a baby until they're there. I recognise you don't (and I didn't either) want to hear that in pregnancy, but maybe she feels she would have felt better if people had reminded her of that so it wasn't such a shock for her.

I know an elderly lady who had a young boy (and 8/10yo) when she had a second still birth. You didn't really talk about such things in those days and nothing had been said in front of him and she thought he never thought about it.
Then a neighbour became pregnant, and when she was fairly far on, they were talking together and discussing babies as you do and her little lad came up laid a hand on the neighbour's arm and said quietly "please don't plan. Babies die on the way out."
He really was trying to protect the neighbour in case the same thing happened.

Olympiathequeen · 04/03/2017 09:21

Hope the baby is OK Karma Flowers

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:23

I too thought her heart was in the right place until she went off on one this morning about wasting NHS time.

I have now blocked her & her husband (hugely like & respect him, however she will use his phone to continue messaging me).

I had to end the conversation because I knew she'd end up saying something that would hugely upset me, I think telling me along the lines of being a shit mum was enough for me.

I don't intend on contacting her again & will keep her out of my life for a few months minimum, I'm not an emotional person however pregnancy has made me an emotional wreck & I cry at everything, yes il miss her but she is relentless & just wouldn't stop, she'd also try & make me apologise to her!

I love her, I honestly do feel for her & have tried to reassure her or just listen to her, I guess it's not enough Sad I just can't have her take it out on me & my baby.

Thank you all! Flowers

OP posts:
Thattimeofyearagain · 04/03/2017 09:23

Whilst having sympathy for what your sister went through , she cant pour all her venom into you op. Low contact is your friend.
Best wishes to you Flowers

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:27

Witchend, telling me my baby could die isn't going to lessen the blow if that actually happened.

Humans live off hope not fact, this world would be a very depressing place if we all lived from fact.

I don't want to sit and think "better not get excited about my son because he could die before he's here", what sort of life is that??

I don't think any pregnant woman would appreciate being "advised" not to plan their baby in case it died, that's just extremely negative and regardless of my sisters reason for saying it, it didn't need to be said.

Pregnancy is a very scary time for most people, the last thing a pregnant woman needs is to be paranoid her child won't make it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:29

All my sister had done by saying what she did is cause me unnecessary worry!

I didn't and don't want to hear negative stories, this is why so many people are depressed because of negativity.

I worry as it is however I feel the worry has now gone from around say a 2 from being reassured last night to a good 9, I am nothing but paranoid now.

OP posts:
TwentyCups · 04/03/2017 09:30

I think you need to cut your sister some slack. Stop knocking her for saying that she will be happy to not have children, so long as she has her HB. I think you are taking this as a slight because you don't have a partner. Maybe that's what she's intending. However I think that you know deep down, as does she, that she would give anything to be in your shoes. She's probably trying to come to terms with being childless. I would stay away from her for now for both your sakes.

I had a friend go through early menopause at just 22. She's said some horrible things about pregnancy, and people who choose to 'ruin their lives' with kids. Everyone knows these words come from a place of hurt. You are pregnant and shouldn't be around this negativity though.

Hopefully things will improve when the baby is born. It might bring you together.

SEsofty · 04/03/2017 09:33

Also, did your sister have miscarriages or did the babies die as infants? If the latter then seeing you in late pregnancy must be bringing it all back.

But that is no excuse for her behaviour. Block her and tell your mum that you are doing this and do not contact her again during your pregnancy

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:36

She always feels the need to tell me how happy her and her husband are, when I know they aren't, I'm around it all the bloody time.....I see the way she treats him.

However that aside, yes it would be lovely to bring my son into this world with his mother and father together and happy, not going to happen, I've accepted that, I haven't decided it's now my right to kick off at my sister because I'm upset and angry that she's got a husband and I haven't, I'd be told to get a grip if I did.

I understand it's hard for her, however she isn't infertile, she is more than capable of getting pregnant, she just can't seem to keep the babies, not my business though, she's also turned down an investigation, again not my business

OP posts:
Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:37

Thinking about it now, she's been pregnant 3 times and lost 4 babies.

She wasn't ever more than 12 weeks with any of them.

Me and her didn't speak until I was 25 weeks pregnant, she didn't see me early pregnancy.

OP posts:
TwentyCups · 04/03/2017 09:38

Not having a husband and having your babies die really are completely different things. They can't be compared

KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:38

She sounds nasty OP but actually your comments acting all suspect of her being happy to just have her DH and no children sound quite nasty as well.

DH and I are unable to have a child together, and whilst I would love to be a mother, I would rather have no baby with him than a baby with anybody else.

If she has told you that she is happy with her husband even if they can't have kids, and you have let on that you don't believe that (which you obviously dont), then I'm not surprised she is off with you! Imagine not being able to have children and somebody being as rude as to imply that you can never be happy then.

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:39

Not comparing at all, just saying, I don't kick off at her for what she has in life and I don't.

I also don't push my pregnancy in her face.

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:41

I understand it's hard for her, however she isn't infertile, she is more than capable of getting pregnant, she just can't seem to keep the babies

Again, nasty things to say. Not being able to conceive and not being able to sustain a pregnancy are both horrible, but actually not being able sustain a pregnancy must be so much harder! Whereas you seem to think that it's fine because she can get pregnant - nasty.

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:41

Haven't told her she won't ever be happy because she may never have children whether that with husband or another man, she feels the need without any prior poking, to constantly tell me how happy she is & how if she did fall pregnant how "lucky" she'd be not to be a single mum like me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:42

Her second pregnancy, she blamed me for the miscarriage because we had an argument & the next day she miscarried.

Who blames a miscarriage on someone??

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 04/03/2017 09:43

I'd go NC OP.

I've lost a DC and I would never ever speak to someone the way your Sister has spoken to you,that is beyond sick and no she doesn't have an excuse,if she doesn't want to talk to you or see you she doesn't have to but she also doesn't have to say the disgusting and unforgiveable things she's said to you neither!

Congratulations on your Pregnancy Flowers and listen to what the hospital have told you they know what they're doing.

thatdearoctopus · 04/03/2017 09:43

If she has told you that she is happy with her husband even if they can't have kids, and you have let on that you don't believe that (which you obviously dont), then I'm not surprised she is off with you! Imagine not being able to have children and somebody being as rude as to imply that you can never be happy then.

That's a fair amount of projection there! Or did you just make it up?

WhingyNinja · 04/03/2017 09:44

I think her losses are influencing what she is saying to you but it doesn't change the fact she's a cunt. I hope all is well with you and baby, not too long to go! Flowers

Original poster
Karmaisabitch · 04/03/2017 09:44

Oh definitely I will, the invitation is there to go in if I'm worried.

He's quite active and has been all night, I've only had a few hours sleep!

I've blocked her & don't intend on contacting her again

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 04/03/2017 09:46

I'm not saying that she is right to say and do these things. Just maybe look at your own behaviour as well!

You have clearly passed judgement on her relationship with her husband (without any consideration as to how multiple pregnancy losses might have impacted their relationship), don't believe that she is happy just being with her husband with no children. Just because you haven't directly said these to her face doesn't mean she hasn't picked up on them. I don't see how her judgements on your relationship status are any different from yours on hers.

You both sound as bad as each other.

fullofhope03 · 04/03/2017 09:46

She is still grieving and in great pain. No one can truly understand how another person feels (they can imagine but that's not the same thing) after going through these horrific losses.
So whilst she is behaving in a hideious manner and saying unacceptably awful things, I feel desperately sorry for her. HOWEVER, I think that for your own well being, give her a wide berth for the moment, at least until your baby is born. All the very very best of luck to you, x

WomanWithAltitude · 04/03/2017 09:47

You obviously don't like her op, so going low contact is probably the best option.

What she'd said is awful, but it's coming from a place of pain and a bit od understanding is called for. You can't compare being single to losing 4 babies in 3 pregnancies. You just can't.

CalmItKermitt · 04/03/2017 09:48

Unfortunately just because someone has terrible things happen to them, doesn't mean they're nice people.

She sounds like a cunt.

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