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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP searching his ex on fb

52 replies

Mammamia2016 · 03/03/2017 19:07

Can I be angry ?

Not the first time either.

OP posts:
Mammamia2016 · 03/03/2017 19:51

As when I'd clicked to search my friends name, she's the first person I saw so I clicked on activity log and there's quite a few times. The issue isn't with me going on his fb he knows I do and is fine about it, there's no problem there! I don't have my own because I don't want one!

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 03/03/2017 19:54

I do this all the time to check he's still miserable and alone. He is.

BettyBaggins · 03/03/2017 19:58

Out of nosiness I occasionally look up the odd ex Odd being the operative word Grin

fernanie · 03/03/2017 20:05

I look mine up all the time, for various reasons. A couple I'm FB friends with and I like to see them happy. I'm rooting for one to meet a lovely girl and settle down as he was a wonderful guy (just not right for me), so I have the odd look to see if he has (nope). One we parted on bad terms and I want to see if he's still a wanker (yep). Yes, it's lame and I probably need to get out more. But it certainly doesn't mean I'm still pining for them. I'm sure DH looks his up from time to time too. Doesn't mean anything.

LaurieMarlow · 03/03/2017 20:13

Face stalking exs is perfectly normal, no?

I'm just checking they haven't become fabulously successful or anything. Blush

PunjanaTea · 03/03/2017 20:16

If he's letting you use his Facebook account then it's unlikely he has something to hide.

Bahh · 03/03/2017 20:22

I do it semi regularly. I hate his guts and like to know he isn't doing very well Blush

IAdoreEfteling · 03/03/2017 20:22

Op I have searched tons of people out of sheer boredom, nosiness etc...and I couldn't love DH more...

bloodyteenagers · 03/03/2017 20:25

Isn't that one of the reasons to have fb -
Keep in contact with people from far flung places
Look at the utter shite that pops up on selling pages
Stalk people from your past.

Redglitter · 03/03/2017 20:28

, but clearly doesn't know the search history sticks.

Or perhaps he feels that it's such a non event he's got nothing to hide

Bluntness100 · 03/03/2017 20:29

The issue isn't with me going on his fb he knows I do and is fine about it, there's no problem there

BrightonBelleCat · 03/03/2017 20:36

I'm friends with two of mine, blocked my exh and often have a casual stalk. It's just nosiness. Nothing in it honestly.

PollytheDolly · 03/03/2017 20:42

I do this, pure nosiness. That is all.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 03/03/2017 20:48

I've looked up my ex, and i absolutely hate him. He was emotionally financially and sexually abusive ( LDR so only verbal thankfully, ended it because it would have become physical, he admitted to doing it before) and i left him because of recurrent anal rape threats and other threats of sexual violence, and the fact he was only interested in extreme sex (bondage, roleplay, domination, in public/places he was risking getting caught etc) with no interest at all in gentle, romantic, loving sex.

I don't want to ever see or speak to him again, i wish i had reported him after we split up but at the time cyber bullying/threats weren't really seen as a crime, in the sense there were no specific laws. I thought sexual abuse only counted if it was physical (what he did was force me to sex chat with him all day every day, all one sided, refused to talk to me the day my mum died because he was sulking he couldn't make me get him off by talking about how i'd give him a blowjob etc) He deliberately hadn't given enough info to report him for his admitted sexual assault of the other girl as he didn't tell me her name, where it happened or even what year, just "in his teens".
I look him up occasionally (once every year or two) just hoping to god he doesn't have a girlfriend and hoping hes the same, living at home loser with nobody he's in a position to be able to hurt. I don't know what i'd do if he actually did get a girlfriend, but i'd desperately want to warn her. As it goes he's made his profile private so i don't see anything at all so i don't look anymore.

How do you know he's looking her up specifically when things are bad between you? It's hard to get over someone who left you when you still love them and didn't want it to end, and i honestly do believe there are people we don't get over, ever. Thats a discussion you really need to have with him, because if he would leave you for her if she gave him the option, thats not fair on you to be in a relationship with you.

MaisyPops · 03/03/2017 20:48

Everyone has a cheeky stalk. Or I think they do.

Nothing in it as far as i can see.

Algebraic · 03/03/2017 20:53

I have a nosey a few times a year at my ex's profile. We're both married, definitely no feelings there whatsoever. Just a nosey bugger Grin wanted to see if he'd got fat

TreeTop7 · 03/03/2017 21:54

I do this with all sorts of people from the past, exes included. Most of my exes are my FB friends but two are not. I also look up my first boss, with whom I had a fairly tempestuous relationship, to see what she's up to. I looked up the woman who bought my first house from me in 2001 last year, just to ascertain if she's still there - pure nosiness.

BadToTheBone · 03/03/2017 22:27

I'm friends with several exes on fb, I've had a look through some photos and have commented friendly on some posts. Dh has nothing to worry about.

BlondeBecky1983 · 03/03/2017 22:28

I love Facebook stalking!

cuirderussie · 03/03/2017 22:47

I did this re a guy I went out with for a month in 1991. C'mon, it's mainly nosiness!

user1471451355 · 04/03/2017 04:32

I look at mine fairly regularly just to congratulate myself on being married to a much higher quality specimen of humanity. Thought everyone did?

Tootsiepops · 04/03/2017 04:42

I love creeping on Facebook. The hours of my life I've wasted on there...

JonesyAndTheSalad · 04/03/2017 04:53

I've searched mine a few times. I am friends with one of them and DH is friends with one of his.

I think yabu to even look through his history.

Imavinoops · 04/03/2017 04:53

I do it too! I'm a right old nosy Parker to tell you the truth! Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2017 05:06

I have an ex, who meant a great deal to me. I'd love to know what he's up to, not because I still want to be with him, just because I'd like to wish him well. He's not on FB sadly and lives abroad so I never will. I don't use FB either btw. I'm just on there. Dh is in touch with his ex from time to time and I'm fine with that. She's happily married. I'm sure he'd be happy for me to do the same.

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