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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... or is DH

37 replies

civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 16:28

DH are I are (supposed to be) going out tonight - to the theatre. His choice, he bought the tickets etc, but I'll love it to - no-one is under duress. It's the first night out since waaay before Christmas as we don't have any childcare at the moment. Getting out the house will be a drama - DS won't want me to go and I will, most likely, be late and running, having peeled a snotty 5yo off my leg. I say this to highlight that I won't be bathing, anointing myself, getting made up and swanning into town. All fine, but quite hard work.

ANYWAY - I'm looking forward to having a nice, rare, night out with my DH.

I called him at 3:15, and he was in the pub with a colleague. Eventually it dawned on me that he sounded a bit... merry. I said "are you drunk, you nutter" and he said "not yet!". All very jolly. And I said "don't get too drunk - I don't want to turn up and find you unable to remember your own name." Again, said amused, in a happy tone. Although I mean it. He got really shirty and "oh, fine", I tried to pull it back with a warm tone, but he was in a mood right away. So I ended the call.

For clarity, he has all the freedom he wants. He can go out whenever for beers or dinner or whatever, and frequently does.

My question is this: aibu think that he should be sober at the start of our night out together, which he chose and organised, to the theatre? By which I mean, having had a pint, but not pissed.

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 03/03/2017 16:30

Yanbu what a selfish arse..

McButtonwillow · 03/03/2017 16:30

Yanbu.

Why can't he come home and help you with the dc while you are getting ready to go out if he's already in the pub?

TeamSteady · 03/03/2017 16:33

YANBU.

Dh did this once too- meant i was getting ready for our "date" with three kids including 4 month old baby, which is a whole world of stressful, and he was down the bloody pub (tho tbf not pissed). It didn't occur to him that actually if he could get away from work early i would expect him to come help, not meet me at the restaurant as planned. Ugh.

You have my sympathies. Hopefully you can calmly explain this to him later/tomorrow, without it spoiling the evening.

blackteasplease · 03/03/2017 16:34

Selfish arse.

I agree he should be home helping out so you can get ready, not sitting in the pub.

NapQueen · 03/03/2017 16:35

He should have come home from work to care for ds while you got yourself ready!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/03/2017 16:36

This would piss me off no end, no OP YADNBU.

Pinkheart5915 · 03/03/2017 16:37

It's a planned night out with tickets booked and everything so to turn up home drunk would be selfish.
Fair enough if he has 1-2 pints or whatever and comes home but to turn up drunk would annoy me no end and I think k I'd go out alone!

MuseumOfCurry · 03/03/2017 16:41

I'd be furious, I hate being around my husband when he's drunk particularly when I've had nothing to drink.

I'd just cancel.

Vagabond · 03/03/2017 16:41

Cut him some slack and enjoy your night out. Why get wound up before you even hit the theatre? Just go and have fun. Ignore the annoyances. If he is drunk when you meet him, then yeah, be annoyed ....but .... just enjoy your night. I hope you like the show! ...at least

NewPuppyMum · 03/03/2017 16:47

Sounds like he's forgotten about the theatre or doesn't fancy it more than getting pissed with his boy mates.

humourless · 03/03/2017 16:51

What a cock.

My Dh used to do this a lot. Very embarrassing, but that was when he was in his mid 20s which by todays standards is primary school age responsibility.

Original poster
civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 16:53

Thanks for the replies. He hasn't forgotten, we talked about it this am, and then he text at lunchtime to see if I'd get out in time to meet for dinner. Maybe he did fancy getting pissed with his mates. I just it's bloody rude. And I won't enjoy spending an evening when I'm sober and he's pissed. Sad. I think we'll speak in 30 mins and is he's drunk or arsey, I'm just going to sack it off. I hate being taken for a mug.

OP posts:
humourless · 03/03/2017 16:57

Call a mate and go.

WankStainWasher · 03/03/2017 16:57

Your DH is being incredibly immature and disrespectful to you IMO. If you do end up cancelling on him, please make sure you take advantage of the childcare you've presumably already organised and take yourself out for dinner and a movie! Smile

DreamingOfADifferentMe · 03/03/2017 16:59

Oh OP, been there and done that (with my ex-h), nothing more tiresome than being the token sober person in a room of drunks, feeling like a teacher with a class full of silly, giggling, naughty morons kids.

I was about to suggest what you've already said - give him a call as you get close to the time you'd need to be getting ready and if he's pissed as a fart or refusing to pick up - there's your answer. It's out of order that he's having a fine old time while you juggle everything and getting nicely sozzled so that by the time the curtain goes up, he'll be happily snoring on the shoulder of the person next to him. You could always go, let him pass out and just leave him there...?

Love your username by the way. Good luck!

MrsDc7 · 03/03/2017 16:59

Selfish of him but he won't see it that way 🙄

Original poster
civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 17:00

Humourless - he's got the tickets, else I would!
WankStainW - that is an excellent idea!

Thanks MN. Good to know I'm not completely unreasonable.

OP posts:
clearingaspaceforthecat · 03/03/2017 17:00

Unless he turns up on time and in a good condition to go then I suggest you go without him. Is there anyone else you could invite to go with you so your evening isn't ruined?

Original poster
civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 17:01

Thanks dreaming. 👍🏻

OP posts:
NewPuppyMum · 03/03/2017 17:07

If you do decide to go without him go to the pub and get the tickets off him. Don't let him dictate your evening.

DameDeDoubtance · 03/03/2017 17:09

That's so bloody rude, hope he turns up and he's fine.

Original poster
civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 17:10

Thanks.

The irritating thing is that regardless of his level of sobriety, the moody phone call (and absence of apology/ contact since) has annoyed me so much, I really can't be doing with seeing him.

OP posts:
DameDeDoubtance · 03/03/2017 17:10

Is he normally moody or is this a blip?

Original poster
civilfawlty · 03/03/2017 17:11

Often moody. Turns on a dime.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 03/03/2017 17:19

I would be going out to dinner and a movie but not with him.