... or is DH

[civilfawlty]

DH are I are (supposed to be) going out tonight - to the theatre. His choice, he bought the tickets etc, but I'll love it to - no-one is under duress. It's the first night out since waaay before Christmas as we don't have any childcare at the moment. Getting out the house will be a drama - DS won't want me to go and I will, most likely, be late and running, having peeled a snotty 5yo off my leg. I say this to highlight that I won't be bathing, anointing myself, getting made up and swanning into town. All fine, but quite hard work.

ANYWAY - I'm looking forward to having a nice, rare, night out with my DH.

I called him at 3:15, and he was in the pub with a colleague. Eventually it dawned on me that he sounded a bit... merry. I said "are you drunk, you nutter" and he said "not yet!". All very jolly. And I said "don't get too drunk - I don't want to turn up and find you unable to remember your own name." Again, said amused, in a happy tone. Although I mean it. He got really shirty and "oh, fine", I tried to pull it back with a warm tone, but he was in a mood right away. So I ended the call.

For clarity, he has all the freedom he wants. He can go out whenever for beers or dinner or whatever, and frequently does.

My question is this: aibu think that he should be sober at the start of our night out together, which he chose and organised, to the theatre? By which I mean, having had a pint, but not pissed.

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh

Well, if he can't turn his mood around when you speak on the phone, I would politely decline. Upsetting, though.

I'd possibly let it go if he's not a drunk, but if he is, I'd definitely not go with him.

Can't stand moody people, you never know where you are and you end up second guessing yourself so you don't upset them, no way to live.

Do you think he may be spoiling for a fight to get out of going?

Sorry he's being a shit.

My dad used to do stuff like this, it was one of the main reasons my parents divorced...

He's being a douche. On occasion, I have turned up somewhat worse for wear when meeting DW& vice versa. It spoils the evening. We go out together a couple of times a week so we let it slide, but in your situation, I'd be fuming.

What's the show? Sure a MNetter would accompany you instead.

YANBU it's a special evening, it's one thing having a few drinks together but of course you don't want your partner to turn up steaming drunk. He sounds like a grumpy teenager. You say he has freedom to go out and drink with friends and often takes uptake opportunity can you do the same?

YANBU it seems like you would be able to get ready how you'd like if he didn't have the "freedom " of being in a relationship that from this small snippet sounds more a casual thing, instead of looking after his child

I'd just cancel.
That depends. Initially I thought the DH may perhaps be a few drinks ahead of OP but surely he won't be rat-arsed.
Reading on any sense of pleasant anticipation has already vanished.
I find it surprising he'd sabotage his own suggested night out with you.
If it all fizzles out I certainly would be asking him why over the weekend.

I don't mean it is casual I mean it sounds like he treats it as casual

I often meet my DH and his workmates in a pub but he's only ever had one by the time I get there. I totally get it - it's disappointing when something you have been looking forward to as the priority part of your day is just another thing to fit in for the other person. My ex when I was 16 used to do this - invite me round for a family BBQ on a Saturday but go out and get ratted on the Friday so he'd want to lie in bed all day instead.

Unless he's rat arsed and unable to go to the theatre... I don't see the problem. Has he had a tough time with something recently and needed to destress a bit perhaps? How drunk was he in the end?