to move my daughter to a local school because she won't get out of bed in the morning?

[papayasareyum]

She's 14.
She loves school and has lots of friends there. We decided to send her to a village school which is 11 miles away. It's a lovely small high school with excellent results and reputation, unlike the large local high school. She has to get a school bus just before 8 in the morning. She just won't get up though without constant nagging, bribing, cajoling, arguing and then screaming. She calls me names and is generally horrible. (Her behaviour lately is shocking: name calling, mean to her sisters and zero respect)
If she misses the bus, there's no other way to get to school. So I end up driving her. It's a 60 minute round trip! I work from home, but have seen a few tempting jobs recently and not bothered applying because I know that the regular occasions I have to drive a stroppy 14 year old to school will piss off any employer as it will make me late for work.
She's in year 9, so I could move her to our local school, which is a 10 minute walk from home. If she refuses to get up, she'll be late. But no need to drive her in. (she's not bothered on the occasions I can't or won't drive her in, attendance doesn't bother her)
Do I move her? Would that be unreasonable? I'm sick of the impact that her screaming and refusing to be up in time has on the rest of us. It's averaging at about 3 times a week. Every week. I'm drained. She doesn't want to move to the new school, but I'm not sure I can cope with another 2.5 years of this before and finishes school and year 9 is the last opportunity to move her before GCSEs.
I've threatened to move her and she just says that she'll refuse to go and we can't make her!

[Stopyourhavering]

Moving her to school closer won't miraculously improve her behaviour. I think you need to deal with this first otherwise you'll have moved her to a school she doesn't like which may in fact only worsen her behaviour
14 yr can be a horrible age for teenage girls....our middle child was dreadful at this age, so I can sympathise!.... she's now 20 and is lovely again!!

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

Is it possible that something is wrong at school? She may have had a great group of friends, she may have been happy in the past, but things change - and quickly at that age. I'd ask her why she's struggling to get up. Ask about bedtime/ phone use at night etc. Ask about her friends. Ask about homework and classwork. Ask the school.
Make sure she knows she can talk to you about ANYTHING at all.
It can be hard to get to the bottom of changes of behaviour.
Good luck

[llangennith]

I had the same thing when my now grownup DD was 13+. If she missed the bus at 7.45 it meant a 90 minute round trip in rush hour traffic. Nothing I said made any difference but she gradually became more responsible. By 16 she was great: and got loads of A grade Olevels. So looking back I'm glad I didn't change her to a local school.
It's only for another two years: not long in the grand scheme of things. It's tough being a young teenager and tough being the parent of one.

[Littledrummergirl]

Is there a bus/train she can get from a nearby town? You could drop her there to save you some time and make her life a little more uncomfortable.
When my 3 dc started secondary school we sat down together and came up with a routine which they have to stick to so that we all get bathroom time- they have to shower - and breakfast without getting in each other's way. I have been very firm with this and my dc have never been late for school.
I would do as suggested by a pp and instigate a routine, I would also make life uncomfortable, perhaps dropping her further from the school so she has to walk especially if it's raining, if she is going to be late then it won't be much worse to be even later. Make the bus the better option instead of the car.

[nocoolnamesleft]

I was similar to this a few years younger. Full blown school refusal. After every delaying tactic in the book, and then some, I would then throw up every few steps of the way to school, as my mother marched me in. In the end they found a consequence (removal of a privilege, with gradual return for compliance) that got me back into going to school, on time. They never realised that it was because I was being bullied senseless.

Is she just a teenager staying up late, then hating mornings? Or is there a reason she is trying to avoid school. Just worth asking...

[BillyNotQuiteNoMates]

nocoolnamesleft
That's what I was trying to say as well. Especially if it's a sudden change in behaviour. Could be bullying, a falling out with friends, or even a medical issue.

[Lonelynessie]

Not sure if this is entirely relevant, but I was similar to her at that age, and upon reflection now I can see it was because I was massively low on iron (and probably vit D) and I couldn't get up in the mornings. I would be grumpy, make all manner of excuses and just did not care if I was late really. However, when I was actually at school it was a bit better - I just got on with it. Maybe it's worth looking in to?

I can get the same now and have to really watch my iron intake and in the winter I have to take vit d or I will fall back in to complete lethargy.

[megletthesecond]

A lumie wake up light might work. They're expensive though and probably not a good idea if she might hurl it in a strop.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I could easily read a book until 2-3 in the morning at that age. No gagets invented never mind owned in the 90's but if she is arguing for their return then they matter to her so I would certainly withdraw them until you see a significant improvement.

[Trytowin]

Who chose the school that was further away with no school buses?

[hollyisalovelyname]

Great advice Invisible

[Lifeonthefarm]

If the school we supportive maybe let them know the problem you're having so they can back you up. Consistency is key as they say so it will help if you are singing from the same sheet.

[JennyHolzersGhost]

My dad used to just walk in and pull the duvet cover off me. I know that's probably quite brutal but today's parenting standards though.

[JennyHolzersGhost]

*by

[Glossolalia]

Oh OP, I was that teen.

What does she think of moving schools?

I echo the others who have said to get the school involved.

[OopsDearyMe]

Can't believe people would move her. She's gonna do this whatever school she's at !!! Plus I am sure these tempting jobs will still be there after her GCSES . I would put her school first, you said yourself its the better school.

[dansmum]

Boarding School. Seriously!

[TheFrendo]

Just take the job.

[TheFrendo]

..what I meant to say was... if you were to get a job, she would have to get to herself ready in time. Maybe she misses the bus because she can, knowing you will take her?.

[MillionToOneChances]

My 14 year old daughter's friends are texting until midnight every night. I know because her phone has to stay downstairs and it's constantly lighting up. The symptom of your problem is her missing the bus, but the actual problem is her not getting to sleep early enough to get up in time, and her extreme rudeness.

I suggest no devices in her room at night and I agree with PP's suggestions to make her pay for her own taxi, or pay you an equivalent amount.

[Ledkr]

I said that ages ago million it seems like the obvious solution to me I have an app which blocks dds phone around 9 so she faff about to get ready for bed.

[A1Sharon]

Oooo, what is that app Ledkr?

[Sundance01]

Speak to the school and get their agreement to work together. Then you can refuse to drive her and let her take the consequence from the school.

That will probably have far more impact than anything you can do. They should understand that and work with you.

If they won't then I would move her anyway.

[wingcommandermoi]

Is there a reason as to why she can't get up? Is she not getting enough sleep? Does she have a phone she takes to bed with her, and maybe she's awake much too late?

[hollyisalovelyname]

Ledkr
What is the app please?