to move my daughter to a local school because she won't get out of bed in the morning?

[papayasareyum]

She's 14.
She loves school and has lots of friends there. We decided to send her to a village school which is 11 miles away. It's a lovely small high school with excellent results and reputation, unlike the large local high school. She has to get a school bus just before 8 in the morning. She just won't get up though without constant nagging, bribing, cajoling, arguing and then screaming. She calls me names and is generally horrible. (Her behaviour lately is shocking: name calling, mean to her sisters and zero respect)
If she misses the bus, there's no other way to get to school. So I end up driving her. It's a 60 minute round trip! I work from home, but have seen a few tempting jobs recently and not bothered applying because I know that the regular occasions I have to drive a stroppy 14 year old to school will piss off any employer as it will make me late for work.
She's in year 9, so I could move her to our local school, which is a 10 minute walk from home. If she refuses to get up, she'll be late. But no need to drive her in. (she's not bothered on the occasions I can't or won't drive her in, attendance doesn't bother her)
Do I move her? Would that be unreasonable? I'm sick of the impact that her screaming and refusing to be up in time has on the rest of us. It's averaging at about 3 times a week. Every week. I'm drained. She doesn't want to move to the new school, but I'm not sure I can cope with another 2.5 years of this before and finishes school and year 9 is the last opportunity to move her before GCSEs.
I've threatened to move her and she just says that she'll refuse to go and we can't make her!

[AranciaRosso]

What a pointless resurrection of a not particularly interesting zombie thread.
Why? @3rdtimestupid. Just why?

[3rdtimestupid]

Fuck sake this was 3 years ago lol she's probably got her GCSE's now lol

[3rdtimestupid]

Take phone off her at night and she gets it back when she's heading to the bus stop in the morning x

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

The difference here jemsy is that the ops DD can't just be late at the current school, if the op doesn't drive her, she gets the bus or doesn't go at all, not arrive late.

Having a "being late" at the local school means the DD will get detentions etc but still will go to school. (Albeit late).

I still think the "grown up chat" route and get it to be her choice is the way forward. Mum is applying for a job that means she can't drive DD to school, what does the DD think will be the best option?

[Frustrateduselesscounsellor]

I wouldn't move her as you are not really dealing with the problem which is her bad behaviour. Just because she is a 'teenager' it doesn't mean she gets out of consequences for bad behaviour. Like others who have said to ensure she is getting a good nights sleep and then it's her responsibility to get herself up and off to school on time. I'd talk to the school aswell about the issue and that if she misses school because you are not driving her she will have to stay late and make up the learning. And work at the weekend rather than go out with friends. I would discuss with school and your husband what the consequences will be and then clearly tell her that you will no longer tolerate this. Set the expectation of what you require her to do and let her know that if she doesn't do it she will get the consequence. And be really firm about it- follow it through however much she screams and yells. She has to know that you are not a walkover.

[jemsywemsy]

Someone I work with was always 15 mins late for work. She said it was heavy traffic so they moved her start time back 15 mins. Guess what? She then ended up 15 mins later than her new start time every day. I suspect this would happen with your daughter. Getting up for the school bus for 8 isn't really much harder than getting up to walk to school at 8.40 or whatever, if you're just not a morning person. So I'm not sure what the answer is but I don't think moving school is it.

[Ledkr]

The app is called Our Pact. You can set schedules etc. She has to agree to accept the connection but as I pay the bill that wasn't a problem!
I know some kids have free access and that's fine but personally my dd can't cope with it, she's always struggled to get to sleep so having her phone just made that worse.
I heard her telling her mate she's glad I block it on school nights as she's getting more sleep.

[dorisdog]

Oh, I have something very similar going on. Have a bucketload of sympathy. So instead of hardline 'sanctions' I'm using a more 'consequences' type approach. Ie she's having to deal with the consequences of her actions. I don't drive her, she gets a detention. We were threatened with a fine if her attendance didn't improve, she knows this money will be deducted from her pocket money because we can't afford it.

It seems to be working. We asked the attendance officer to meet and speak to her. A combination of authority and financial consequences seem to be working, whilst we've made it clear that we know she's under pressure and we'll help her in any reasonable way. The shouting and power battles seemed to have stopped with this approach.

But sigh it's been hard.

[Frazzled2207]

Btw i think it's a great idea switching wifi off at say 10pm. Good for parents too who might have to actually talk to each other rather than stare at phones.

[Frazzled2207]

I actually remember being you daughter and my mother giving me lifts when I missed the bus and making herself very late.

I think you need to speak to the school, get them on board then stop offering lifts, let her be absent a couple of times and see what happens. If my mother had done this i'm fairly sure I would have sorted myself out.

[hollyisalovelyname]

Ledkr
What is the app please?

[wingcommandermoi]

Is there a reason as to why she can't get up? Is she not getting enough sleep? Does she have a phone she takes to bed with her, and maybe she's awake much too late?

[Sundance01]

Speak to the school and get their agreement to work together. Then you can refuse to drive her and let her take the consequence from the school.

That will probably have far more impact than anything you can do. They should understand that and work with you.

If they won't then I would move her anyway.

[A1Sharon]

Oooo, what is that app Ledkr?

[Ledkr]

I said that ages ago million it seems like the obvious solution to me I have an app which blocks dds phone around 9 so she faff about to get ready for bed.

[MillionToOneChances]

My 14 year old daughter's friends are texting until midnight every night. I know because her phone has to stay downstairs and it's constantly lighting up. The symptom of your problem is her missing the bus, but the actual problem is her not getting to sleep early enough to get up in time, and her extreme rudeness.

I suggest no devices in her room at night and I agree with PP's suggestions to make her pay for her own taxi, or pay you an equivalent amount.

[TheFrendo]

..what I meant to say was... if you were to get a job, she would have to get to herself ready in time. Maybe she misses the bus because she can, knowing you will take her?.

[TheFrendo]

Just take the job.

[dansmum]

Boarding School. Seriously!

[OopsDearyMe]

Can't believe people would move her. She's gonna do this whatever school she's at !!! Plus I am sure these tempting jobs will still be there after her GCSES . I would put her school first, you said yourself its the better school.

[Glossolalia]

Oh OP, I was that teen.

What does she think of moving schools?

I echo the others who have said to get the school involved.

[JennyHolzersGhost]

*by

[JennyHolzersGhost]

My dad used to just walk in and pull the duvet cover off me. I know that's probably quite brutal but today's parenting standards though.

[Lifeonthefarm]

If the school we supportive maybe let them know the problem you're having so they can back you up. Consistency is key as they say so it will help if you are singing from the same sheet.

[hollyisalovelyname]

Great advice Invisible