to move my daughter to a local school because she won't get out of bed in the morning?

[papayasareyum]

She's 14.
She loves school and has lots of friends there. We decided to send her to a village school which is 11 miles away. It's a lovely small high school with excellent results and reputation, unlike the large local high school. She has to get a school bus just before 8 in the morning. She just won't get up though without constant nagging, bribing, cajoling, arguing and then screaming. She calls me names and is generally horrible. (Her behaviour lately is shocking: name calling, mean to her sisters and zero respect)
If she misses the bus, there's no other way to get to school. So I end up driving her. It's a 60 minute round trip! I work from home, but have seen a few tempting jobs recently and not bothered applying because I know that the regular occasions I have to drive a stroppy 14 year old to school will piss off any employer as it will make me late for work.
She's in year 9, so I could move her to our local school, which is a 10 minute walk from home. If she refuses to get up, she'll be late. But no need to drive her in. (she's not bothered on the occasions I can't or won't drive her in, attendance doesn't bother her)
Do I move her? Would that be unreasonable? I'm sick of the impact that her screaming and refusing to be up in time has on the rest of us. It's averaging at about 3 times a week. Every week. I'm drained. She doesn't want to move to the new school, but I'm not sure I can cope with another 2.5 years of this before and finishes school and year 9 is the last opportunity to move her before GCSEs.
I've threatened to move her and she just says that she'll refuse to go and we can't make her!

[MummaBear14]

I remember being that stroppy teenage girl, not wanting to get up in the morning for school. It wasn't because I hated school or anything of the kind, I was just generally exhausted! (Did awful in my exams as I couldn't concentrate at all). I went to a local school, and got the bus which came every half an hour. My mum got fed up, but eventually left me to just be late. I found out 5 years later that I had a thyroid condition, and it explained why I was so exhausted all the time. My mum had no idea, and never took me to see the doctors. The doctors suspected I was borderline hypothyroid during school, and it slowly got worse. Might be worth a trip to the doctors. Hypothyroid can also make you grumpy! Although she could just be going through the typical teenager stage of tantrums, it's defiantly worth considering

[NapQueen]

Can you put the lift offer before the bus pick up time? So say to her "If you can be in the car ready to go at 7.40am then I will drive you. I will not hassle or remind you. You are old enough now. If you arent in the car by 7.40 Im coming back in the house and I wont be leaving again. Its up to you to then make it to the bus stop for 8am"

And stand firm!

[hmcAsWas]

here is another one about teenagers not releasing sleep inducing melatonin until 1 am

[EweAreHere]

Totally agree with the let her pay for her own taxi each and every time she's late.

Take her pocket money to cover it. Take her savings to cover it. Sell things she values to cover it. Make her feel what she loses.

[ThermoScan]

Is there something else wrong? She sounds quite unhappy.
Moving her would help with the general stress but sounds to me like there are other things to get to the bottom of before you do.

[GeorgeTheHamster]

Mine get a bus at 7.35.

Look into how she can get there without you. If mine missed the bus they could get a train into our nearest city and another train out to school. They'd be really late, but they'd get there. It would cost them £7.

They have never missed the bus.

[ScrapThatThen]

And you will still be responsible for getting her there/for her truancy. I would battle on and drag her into frequent meetings with school so you are working with them.

[Wolfiefan]

You haven't answered other posters who asked what consequence there is for this behaviour.
Contact school? If there are issues at school that make her reluctant to go to school then yes. If she's just being stroppy and playing you at home then no.

[cheeeeselover]

I wouldnt change her school as it sounds like a much better school than the one close by and whos to say she will get up for that one anyway? I'd start laying the law down though. Everytime you have to drive her is 3 days with no electronics/tv/phone/pc everything. And buy her an alarm clock if she doesnt have one so no mobile phone in her room.

My dd was a bit like this, mega grumpy in the morning and usually late out the door. Youd be surprised how early they can get up when they have lost their phone and computer for 2 weeks. I also have a no gadget in the bedroom rule, so when its bedtime all phones and tablets are put downstairs.

[hellsbellsmelons]

My DD was vile at this age but she has always managed to get up to catch the school bus.
(Except when she bunked off. Grrrr.....)
I also never let her have gadgets in the bedroom.
Your DD is probably up half the night on her phone which is why she is horrible and grumpy and won't get up????

[TwentyCups]

I would move her.

If she really genuinely struggles to wake up then this is probably the best thing anyway - she can start getting up at 8.30am, slice of toast on the walk in. No long bus journey twice a day.

[embo1]

Send her to bed earlier!

[buttfacedmiscreant]

We also have a no gadget rule. After 9:30pm (10 on weekends) phone/ipod goes in public place of Ds's choice (currently table). Kindle is allowed because it doesn't have a light up screen (known to make sleep harder). He also has a bedtime because that is what it takes to make mornings more pleasant.

[Serialweightwatcher]

She needs to motivate herself - I know teenagers don't like to get up on a morning but it's usually because they go to bed too late. We turn the wifi off at 10.30pm to make sure they sleep longer. You need to be really firm and no way should you drive her if she's too bloody lazy to get up at the proper time. Tell her she needs to be up at 7am or give consequences - keep shouting her to move on a morning until she does

[mummymeister]

Honestly I don't think moving her is the answer. if she cant get up for school now then why will it be any different just because the school is nearer.

sit her down and talk to her about the problem. explain that you cannot keep taking her in and at 14 she needs to take a bit of personal responsibility for this.

tell her you wont move her but there will be consequences for missing the bus. work out for yourself what those are - taking the taxi and paying, paying your petrol money, losing her phone/ipad whatever for however long and absolutely one hundred percent stick with it. letting her be late isn't an option in my opinion because the only one who will end up being bothered by it or fined is you.

You have to start by depriving her of the things that she wants like her phone, or evenings out or clubs or whatever. the only way to see any positive results is by being firm and consistent.

also do tell the school. she might be a bit embarrassed if she knows that they know and this might spur her into action.

[CryingShame]

If you work from home you can reset the wifi password if she's not up and ready to leave for the bus, or you can go out and work from a cafe or a friend's house so you don't engage with her. Working from home does not mean you have to work from your house....

[mummytime]

I would just apply for other jobs and tell her. Then let her sort herself out.

One thing: is this a school where there is one bus a day to the school and one back; or is there only one bus that has a hope of getting her there in time? If the second then definitely let her arrive late.
If she is not depressed and stressed - then this is the only way.
If she is depressed and stressed then get her to see a doctor but she might need more softly softly care.

[IamFriedSpam]

I think paying for her own taxi is the best plan. Teenagers can be terrible at mornings but I wouldn't want to risk her education long term over this.

[TinfoilHattie]

I think it's time to talk to the school to see if they can help.

No, no, NO!! This is not the school's problem! It's your lazy daughter's problem, and your problem because you are allowing her to get away with not getting out of bed. Take some responsibility, ffs. If she's not getting out of bed for a school bus at 8am, moving her to a more local school is shifting the problem and you'll be back in 6 months moaning that she won't get out of bed for 8.30am.

You need to deal with this. You. Not the school.

[TheElephantofSurprise]

Back off.
Tell her when it's time to get up, then leave her to it.
Do not drive her to school.
Do not provide pocket money, outings or treats unless she has full attendance at school.
How is lunch paid for? If you pay termly in advance, advise her when you tell her it's time to get up that her lunch is available at school, not at home.

Write a brief note to the school advising them that you will wake her on time for the bus, provide breakfast but will not drive her to school. They'll still fine you if they have to, but you can stop the money out of whatever you spend on her clothes, holidays etc.

All very clear and simple, not vindictive, just practical. Businesslike.

[angeldelightedme]

I would split her pocket money into 5 and she earns a fifth of it each day for catching the bus.
More positive than taking things away.

[welovepancakes]

If she's not getting out of bed for a school bus at 8am, moving her to a more local school is shifting the problem and you'll be back in 6 months moaning that she won't get out of bed for 8.30am.

^^ This

I don't think moving school is the answer. Encouraging her to take responsibility / not bailing her out would be better. Make yourself unavailable. Keep school informed, so they understand what you're doing and why

[angeldelightedme]

....and let her have a good sleep in at weekends.Many teens do have different sleep programming to the rest of us.

[isthistoonosy]

At 14 could she cycle in when she misses the buss.