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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think this is a bit of a violation

53 replies

RexMyDarling · 03/03/2017 13:41

So I'm in hospital I had major stomach surgery on Tuesday that means I've been opened up through the whole of my abdomen. On one side I hav a stoma and on the other side I had a massive hernia repaired. As a result of this I've been on a catheter since and no knickers just a hospital gown.

So a male doctor/surgeon comes to see me today and gets me to stand up from the chair and lift my gown without allowing me to cover up my lower half. When I attempt to cover myself up he tells me 'no' as he wants to see the site of the hernia as well.

I feel really crap about this that I just stood there in front of him with my bush hanging out and feel really humiliated. Am I being oversensitive? Overreacting? Unreasonable? Should I complaint to PALS?

OP posts:
NewPuppyMum · 03/03/2017 17:02

Jollies? Perving? Are you 10?
Idiotic comment.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/03/2017 17:32

There is so much minimising, misogynistic, victim blaming bullshit on this thread.

It doesn't matter what the surgeon was feeling. It is not him being naked and vulnerable.

And I hate the line about dignity and healthcare too. If you cannot afford people dignity, go and work in a research lab away from real human beings. I have had multiple urology surgeries inc cystoscopies and it has never felt undignified even some bloke was shoving a camera up my urethra because they treated me like a person, kindly and with a sense of humour and that this might be difficult.

shinynewusername · 03/03/2017 17:38

I have never known any Dr need to examine a patients abdomen while they stood, they usually lie down with a blanket covering their genitals

It is important to examine hernias and hernia wound sites with the patient standing, because gravity affects how the hernia appears (you can miss it with the patient lying down). But, as I said above, the surgeon could still have offered the OP something to cover her whole groin area apart from the wound itself.

lougle · 03/03/2017 17:50

It doesn't take more than 30 seconds to explain that gravity affects the hernia site, so you'd like to see how the hernia site looks when the patient is standing up. And if the surgeon had asked the OP to draw her gown to the side, she wouldn't have been shocked by him doing so! It's basic communication and respect.

shinynewusername · 03/03/2017 18:06

Agree lougle.

CosyNook · 03/03/2017 18:39

I have never known any Dr need to examine a patients abdomen while they stood, they usually lie down with a blanket covering their genitals

I didn't realise there were hernia surgeons on here able to give their advice.

Cheby · 03/03/2017 18:39

His behaviour is disgusting and totally inappropriate. Please, please complain.

Original poster
RexMyDarling · 04/03/2017 02:23

Thanks for you help - I was trying not to drip feed. It wasn't about him it was about me I knew he'd seen everything a 1000 times and believe me after this op no one would look at me like that! It was just so fast that I didn't have time to tell him look here I need my knickers and was left feeling my modesty/dignity was unimportant. It was always about how I felt.

I reported to pals - they go the nurse in charge to speak to me and apologise; he's going to be spoken to and I'm not going to have to see him again. That's the outcome I needed.

OP posts:
Madwoman5 · 04/03/2017 02:59

When you have had such huge surgery the only thing you can cling onto is dignity and he denied you that. He needs to be reminded there is person in that body and if that means a complaint then so be it. A good nurse will always consider this and help cover the bits he doesn't need to see.

highinthesky · 04/03/2017 03:19

Typical arrogant surgeon.

I'd be interested to know if he was UK-trained? Here there is a great emphasis on treating the patient as a person and not just the anatomy.

TheMaddHugger · 04/03/2017 03:26

soft soft (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) OP Darlin. ❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜

btdt Know some of how you feel Sad

r0tringLover · 04/03/2017 04:00

I think you need perspective too.

You've said why you couldn't wear pants and that there were other people there (although I'd have preferred fewer people). The curtains were drawn.

What do you think was violated?

What could they have done differently? A Dr has already said that they needed to see you from your "nipples to knees" and "standing".

I think you need to remember the reason they were there.

duxb · 04/03/2017 04:44

Pop the tube for the catheter down the leg of your underwear. So long as they are a size up you will be fine.

A lovely nurse on the post natal showed me how after an emergency section and I can't tell you how much my mood lifted being able to wear underwear!

I could only lay on my back and had to be careful shifting but it was worth it!

FutureMrsRanj · 04/03/2017 04:59

I don't think op needs perspective at all, I've worked in healthcare all my professional life and have also seen 1000s of women's bushes, I would feel exactly the same, it's dehumanising and there is no need, if there is a need op should have had the situation explained so she didn't feel this way

r0tringLover · 04/03/2017 05:19

It seems a little contradictory that you have seen 1,000s yet "it's
dehumanising".

Have you been dehumanising these people?

HateSummer · 04/03/2017 05:24

I'd hate this too. Whenever I've been to hospital, even with female doctors, nurses have helped cover me. Just because you're in hospital, it doesn't mean your dignity flies out the window! I'd make a complaint about this. I'd hate for a doctor to say "no" to me like that.

UnbornMortificado · 04/03/2017 05:33

Rex sounds awful. DD1 has just had surgery for appendicitis, the nurse was always in during surgical examinations and her privates covered up. She's under 18 so not sure if the guidelines differ.

I'm a HCP (although definitely not a hernia surgeon!) and I will do bed baths and such one section at a time so the patient doesn't have everything exposed. Like I said I'm not a hernia or any surgeon so I don't know the technicalities.

You can get a catheter through the leg hole of some baggy knickers. Stomas take some getting used to, hope your ok.

Cheby · 04/03/2017 09:21

I'm glad PALs have helped OP. It would be nice if the doctor concerned wrote you a quick apology note (I'm assuming you wouldn't like to see him face to face, I wouldn't). I'm glad he won't be treating you going forwards.

And all the above posters who think his behaviour was acceptable, quite simply it's not. And you won't find a single hospital in the U.K. who claims it is. You may find individual dickhead HCPs who do, like the one OP has the misfortune to encounter, but thankfully they are few and far between these days.

shinynewusername · 04/03/2017 11:45

And all the above posters who think his behaviour was acceptable, quite simply it's not

It's telling that none of the HCPs on this thread thought his behaviour acceptable.

Glad you got the outcome you needed, OP. Get well soon Flowers

sailorcherries · 04/03/2017 13:50

OP, did you make it clear to the Dr that you weren't actually wearing underwear? Also, how did you expect to cover yourself from only your groin area down, while standing straight, without blocking/impairing the Dr's view?

To me, unless you were wearing underwear and/or asked if you could pop underwear on then there is nothing anyone could do to help you cover yourself while still having the examination performed.

I understand that you were in a vulnerable position and may not have enjoyed the experience, but I don't think the Dr was being unreasonable in his request.

andontothenext · 04/03/2017 14:28

I'm sorry but I think yab a bit u.

If the site of your hernia is low down then it's reasonable that he'd want to see it.

After my section a doctor came to look at my wound as I had a reaction to the bromine solution and I didn't have any knickers on.

I'm afraid he's just doing his job

LouKout · 04/03/2017 14:35

Well luckily PALS didnt agree with you and the OP has beem given an apology.

sailorcherries · 04/03/2017 15:05

Yes the OP has been given an apology, however she asked for our opinions and that is what they are.

I myself would have felt quite uncomfortable in that situation, as I do with smear tests or breast examinations. However, I would not have felt violated as there were two other people present; curtains drawn; and, as I said in my own post no conceivable way of covering my genitals while standing up straight, unless I had previously had underwear on/had asked to put it on (which the OP never claimed to do).

Uncomfortable, in my opinion, doesn't mean violated.

witsender · 04/03/2017 15:27

I would feel disrespected and dehumanised. Neither of which are what HCPs are aiming for.

lougle · 04/03/2017 15:46

If the OP felt violated, she felt violated. I'm a nurse and it is (and should be) drummed into health professionals that patients have bodily autonomy. Nobody is so busy and so pressurised in their working day that they don't have time to:

a) Speak to their patient and ask permission to examine them.
b) Explain that they would like to see the effect of gravity on the hernia site.
c) Wait while the patient grabs a pair of knickers/ a towel/ a pillow case to spare her blushes.

If they are too busy to do those things, then they shouldn't be trying to fit that examination in at that time and need to wait until they have more time. Because patient dignity isn't an optional extra.