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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this man what he's doing is disgusting?

153 replies

Helpinsuchapickle · 02/03/2017 19:55

warning. May make some people feel a bit sick

walk to school and back every day, there is one basic route from my house (so I can't go another way before it's suggested).

I pass by a fellow school childs house early on and the father and I often end up walking close to each other. We don't talk as he doesn't speak English bar a few phrases.

Here's the problem. He spits and blows his nose constantly. Not into a hankie, but onto the floor. He hacks up phlegm very loudly and really fires it out. And when he blows his nose he covers one nostril and blows everything out through the other one. Everywhere with no tissue.

It actually makes me heave. I've been late to school before because I've had to hang behind him and wait for him to get a good deal ahead of me because I couldn't listen/see it.

WIBU to say something to him?

It's literally every day I see him hack something up.

OP posts:
diddl · 03/03/2017 08:25

Why are some people so phlegmy/snotty?

The only time I ever feel the need to hack anything up is when I'm ill.

I often need to blow my nose when I first get up & that's it for the day-again, unless I'm ill!

DevelopingDetritus · 03/03/2017 08:39

Have you seen him this morning OP?

BarbaraofSeville · 03/03/2017 08:53

Where do you all live to think that this practice is in any way limited to men of non UK descent?

Lots of (mainly young) men of white British descent do it too. I assume that they don't think they are doing anything wrong either.

Original poster
Helpinsuchapickle · 03/03/2017 09:21

I did see him on the way home but thankfully he didn't do it this morning.

OP posts:
FrenchLavender · 03/03/2017 09:26

Teenage boys often through a phase of doing it though, usually because they've grown up seeing football players do it on the pitch. I think that's understandable, they can hardly stand there and get the Kleenex out mid-match can they? And it strikes me as pretty obvious that the extreme physical exertion of the game causes them to need to do it. I think young lads see this and think it's cool so they try to emulate them. But they grow out of it. You don't see those same white teenagers as grown men carrying on the habit, as a general rule, do you? Because by that stage they've learnt that it's unnecessary, unacceptable and not cool, it just makes you look like an embarrassing uncouth twat.

The only grown men I have seen do this habitually, in public, with absolutely no shame or embarrassment are Asian men.

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2017 09:39

Where do you all live to think that this practice is in any way limited to men of non UK descent?

I live in a London borough. It's in no way limited to men (I haven't seen anyone on this thread say that) and it's in no way limited to anyone of non UK descent.

However, the vast majority of people I see spitting/snotting in the street (on an almost daily basis as I work outdoors), are those of non UK descent.

And I'd say the spitters/snotters are fairly evenly gendered as I see just as many women doing it.

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2017 09:41

The only time I ever feel the need to hack anything up is when I'm ill.

I want thinking this too, diddl - which makes it even worse. Clearly they're hacking up infected phlegm.

🤢

BartholinsSister · 03/03/2017 10:10

When it happens, a nice loud "euuuurrrrgggh" is pretty much universal across all languages, especially if it comes from your DC.

Picklesandpies · 03/03/2017 10:22

I was walking behind a man in town the other day and he turned his head to the side and spat all over the place, nearly hitting me. I picked up my pace and as I walked past him I just said 'That was really disgusting' and he just shrugged. I felt better for saying it though.

I have also brought this up with my bil a few years ago when we were sharing a cottage with them. He was doing it in the shower which we were sharing (and bathing the children in the bath it was over) - it was awkward to say but I had so looked forward to the holiday and it was completely ruining it for me!

I'd say something - just be polite about it. It would drive me mad knowing I'd encounter that every day and I wouldn't want my children to see it either.

Racheyg · 03/03/2017 10:30

I brought it up with my local council when they were knocking on doors. Sadly the part of London I live it's very normal Sad

blankmind · 03/03/2017 10:36

Could you ask school to feature it in PHSE (?) lessons a few times over, so the message comes over strongly and the kids whose non-English speaking parents do it can go home and tell them how culturally unacceptable it is here. They could possibly tackle it from a health point of view if they were perturbed about offending anyone.

CoraPirbright · 03/03/2017 10:41

It is utterly utterly foul and I think you would be entirely within your rights to give him some tissues and tell him politely that its not really considered very pleasant in this country to gargle like a camel and hoick up your phlegm on the pavement. (Although how you are going to do this if he has such limited English I don't know. But he has a house and children at school here - his English cant be that limited surely?).

ShoutOutToMyEx · 03/03/2017 10:54

Thought of this thread this morning - a man did this outside my train station and his glob of phlegm very nearly landed on my shoe. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared up at him - he apologised!

I carried on looking disgusted and he just waved me away. But still!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 03/03/2017 10:58

I know that it is also done in China, as keeping the flegm is believed to be unhealthy, but on the other hand the chinese goverment and local authorities are fighting it more and more with signs and communication. They also try to inform chinese tourists going abroad that this is very rude and unacceptable in most western country. So even if this is a cultural thing, this does not mean that this cannot be curbed. This is really disgusting.

But the Japanese apparently think that blowing our nose and keeping the overall package in our pocket is minging, so I guess we are all disgusting to somebody else :)

HateSummer · 03/03/2017 11:09

Can we stop with the cultural crap please?!

The only type of people who think it's ok to do this are uneducated people who haven't been taught any social etiquette. I've had white men spit right next to my feet too. One spat on my car once. I've never seen my family members do this. My mum and dad certainly did not do this either! And they were fresh immigrants.

It's all to do with lack of education. It's disgusting. In the 80's there used to be a lot of TV broadcasts about litter, we need to start these again to show people what is acceptable and what isn't. Spitting in public is a health hazard.

BigbyWolf · 03/03/2017 11:24

...if you move to a different country then you should modify your behaviour to the cultural norms of that country. To much unacceptable actions are brushed under the carpet in this country as people are scared of offending cultural sensibilities.

This X 1000!

Who gives a shit if it's cultural? He's a dirty bastard. People like him need educating on how not to be filthy and antisocial. When in Rome indeed...

StickyMouse · 03/03/2017 11:30

It sounds horrible, he must be unwell if this is a permanent thing?

Spray a bit of ant bac from a very large bottle onto the pavement that he has hacked on? in plain sight of him?

StickyMouse · 03/03/2017 11:34

If he has children in school then they will be told that this wrong and hopefully educate their father?

IAdoreEfteling · 03/03/2017 11:36

Jesus IAdore, if I bought a gift for everyone I saw spitting, I'd lose my home and have my kids taken away

No, thats not what I was proposing to op Grin we have it all round us too I am not running to local shop to buy for everyone I see spitting but in this case she has a connection (sadly) to this man, and it may be worth asking in a nice way to prevent further spitting and make him think.

barefootinkitchen · 03/03/2017 11:37

We used to get people around our apartment doing that. Once it happened right next to my baby's pram. I was too shocked to say anything. I think it is a cultural thing as in they don't know it's unacceptable. Baby song sessions at the library had Chinese Grandfathers doing lots of that bringing up phlegm sound. It put me off going.
You could make it clear without words - a point and shake of the head with a disapproving look? It's worth it if it's happening all the time.

IAdoreEfteling · 03/03/2017 11:38

KickingKat Thu 02-Mar-17 22:14:25 Grin

Thats what I would feel like doing Grin

DataColour · 03/03/2017 11:49

The only type of people who think it's ok to do this are uneducated people who haven't been taught any social etiquette. I've had white men spit right next to my feet too. One spat on my car once. I've never seen my family members do this. My mum and dad certainly did not do this either! And they were fresh immigrants.

I agree with this. I am originally from Asia and my family has never done this. It's the uneducated that do this. Although yes, it is seen as a "normal" thing to do in these country, but the majority of well educated people wouldn't do this. Likewise I have seen white British people do this too...but not as much as of those of Asian etc origin.

It's foul and disgusting..yuk yuk yuk. I openly express my disgust when I see somebody doing this, but usually they don't care or realise the issue.

minionsrule · 03/03/2017 15:18

Lets hope the cultural thing of men pissing at the roadside isn't soon being seen as well Grin

Disclaimer - DH is Indian but has never hacked up, spat, gobbed or pissed at the roadside

Bipbopbee · 03/03/2017 15:41

YANBU
My breakfast would be threatening to re-emerge Envy puke face

xStefx · 03/03/2017 15:45

I would also hand a packet of tissues to him and pull a disgusted face